Just Like Us

This morning I woke up REALLY early: the alarm time was 3:43AM! And wasn't one of those glance at the alarm and roll over moments. I was WIDE awake. So I got up. That gave me a few moments to chat with Hub before he headed out for work--I like doing that. Still awake, I grabbed my Greek study materials and started working on my translation and study of Mark. I'll be meeting with my friend this morning. We're covering Mark 4:10-41. One of the things that jumped out at me came close to the end of the chapter. Jesus and the disciples loaded into a boat and headed across the lake. At first there were other boats going along with them, but then a violent squall comes up. The other boats turn back, but the disciples decide to continue into the storm. They make the decision to head on--why? Jesus is asleep below deck and obviously sleeping quite soundly because the storm doesn't wake him. But then the storm gets to be too much for the disciples and they wake Jesus frantically and rebuke him, "Don't you even care that we're about to perish?" AKA: What's up with you? This is the time for one of your little miracles. Wake up and save us you sleeping slug! How like us weak and fear-filled humans! Instead of using the wisdom and discernment that is available to us we arrogantly head on into the storms of life thinking that we can somehow weather the storm, but when we are badly battered we rebuke God for not protecting us. What? There was no reason to keep going into the storm when it would have been more prudent to turn back. I know in my own life, God provided godly individuals to direct me away from the impendinding doom but I thought that I was stronger than the storm and would be okay. The result was disasterous. And I, too, found myself asking why God let me do that, didn't He care that my life was in shambles? How ridiculous. When Jesus shook off his sleepiness, he stepped up and commanded the wind and waves to muzzle it! And the wind and waves IMMEDIATELY calm themselves. This was no natural and gradual slow coming calm. This was a hit-a-brick-wall-stop-it-right-now occurance, a miracle showing of Jesus' power and dominion. So while the disciples rebuked Jesus, Jesus rebuked the storm. So what can be learned from this? How do we apply this to our life? Can we? The way I see it, we need to really be sure that we're being directed to head into the storm and not just arrogantly proceeding. It's not enough to take Jesus into a storm, we have to trust that if he's with us we'll be ok. And if we have headed in on our own strength, we shouldn't be blaming God for our situation. But even if it is our own doings that get us in a mess, we can turn to Him and know that he can and will bring us peace. Faith doesn't call us to foolishness, it enables us to trust the one who is ultimately in control.

Daily Reflections

I am revamping and reorganizing my blogs. In this blog I intend to write my reflections and thoughts associated with my devotion and Bible reading. I am reading throught the one year Bible (NLT version). I have tried to do this in the past, read through the Bible, but usually give up before I complete Genesis or January. In an attempt to push on to the finish, I have done two things. First, I am ripping the book apart. One of the excuses I used was that I couldn't carry the book with me everywhere—so I'm not. Right now I have torn out enough to get me through vacation. That small section tucks nicely in my purse. Having the section removed from the binding enables me to do the second more easily. Because the pages now lie completely flat, I can write notes, underline, and draw connecting arrows. I am responding to the text and seeing things that I haven't seen before. Doing this has made the reading so much more interesting...and that's why I've decided to share some of those questions and insights here. For example: I never noticed that Abram laughed when he got the news about Sarai having a baby so late in the game. So much had been made about Sarai laughing and her disbelief regarding the news. Preaching I heard over the years chastised her, but never mentioned that she laughed (according to the text) after Abe laughed. Why doesn't he ever “get in trouble”? Also from my reading about Sarai: She acknowledges that it was the Lord who decided she wouldn't have a child. Seems like solid insight, but with the very next breath she's scheming to find another way to find and heir for Abraham—and then wonders why the plan goes so terribly wrong. If you know in your heart that something is part of God's plan for you, why not accept and trust? Previous to that from my reading I noticed that Abe's dad was 70 when Abe was born. Now in my book, that tells me that Abe shouldn't have been fretting too much before that point about the empty womb issue. He had familial experience with late in life birthing. This and Sarai's scheming just reminded me of how impatient and untrusting we are as human beings. Not trusting God was got the whole thing started back in the Garden. Satan knew where to strike. We don't trust. We want control. So I will be putting reflections from my reading here. I'm not sure if I'll do that everyday, but I'm sure it will be often.

Feeling Held

So yesterday I flew to my mom's in Arizona. My journey, however, began in a car. A friend drove me to the airport. We arrived surprisingly early and it didn't take too much effort to pry my fingernails from the seatbelt that I had been gripping to keep me secure. I am a horrible passenger, and that is putting it mildly. Weaving through the heavy morning traffic had my heart doing all kinds of flip flops. Flying has not been too different an experience. I am only an occasional traveler, so I have never acquired that calm demeaner that seems to waft from those who saunter through airports with ease and confidence. I'm constantly checking for my ticket, watching the arrival departure screens, getting to the gate ridiculously early, and praying. The whole process is one long continuous prayer vigile. I try to go with the flow and fake outwardly that I know what I'm doing, but I'm well aware that my nervous giggle gives me away every time. It causes me to truly understand and engage in Paul's adominition to pray without ceasing. The serious praying for me really begins as the plane begins to taxi down the runway and occurs again when I feel the jolt of the landing gear emerging as we prepare for landing. At these critical junctures in the flight I realize I need to be keenly prepared to meet my God, so I pray. These prayers are foxhole prayers at there finest. The first leg of my journey was a quick jaunt from Columbus to Chicago O'Haire. Approaching Chicago something happened that I have never experienced before. I looked out my window and saw that we were about to swing out over the lake to head the plane toward the airport and all of a sudden I had this sensation of floating, of weightlessness, but also of being gently bouyed. It reminded me of a time when as a young child my mother was trying to teach me to float in a swimming pool. Initially she had her hands under me, holding me up. Slowly she would pull her hand away, but I could still feel it near. She was trying to teach me to trust that the water could hold me, but also that she was there catch me if I became afraid and started to go under. In that moment in the plane I felt such peace. Gone was the frantic praying that normally would have begun as descended to the ground. I knew I was being given a gift and I just reveled in it silently, and thankfully. And then we landed. And then we sat. Why wasn't the plane moving? Didn't the pilot know I had very little time to make it to my connecting flight? Who cares if the plane at the gate we're assigned to hasn't left yet? It's a big airport, pick another one. I felt myself starting to fret and stew. I'm so unaccustomed to traveling that I didn't know what I would do if I missed my connection. Would I be able to get to Tucson? Would they have to honor my ticket or was I just out of luck? What was I going to do? And then that little spiritual lightbulb went off in my head. I had been on the mountain and experienced a precious moment in the presence of my God just like the disciples had in the story of the Mount of Transfiguration (see Mark 9). They wanted to tary in the specialness of the moment, but had to return to real life, and as soon as they did things started to press on them and cause them to question, fret, and fuss. Just like me. Sitting in my seat, waiting, I entered a quiet internal place and sought forgiveness for allowing the uncertainty of the moment to crowd in and make me forget that God's hand was just as present on the ground as it was in the air. God isn't just about the taking offs and landings, the big scary moments of life. No, he cares about it all, because he cares about me. And there, in that moment, I felt the peace that comes from releasing myself and my insane want of control over to the One who has called me and upholds me. I have called you back from the ends of the earth so that you can serve me. For I have chosen you and will not throw you away. Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Be not dismayed, for I am you God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my victorious right hand. Isaiah 41:9-10, NLT

Continuing to Pray

My theme or guiding principle for 2012 continues to develop. I went to our public library and found a book while browsing the shelves entitled "Pray Big." It's not a deep book, but it's calling me deeper, challenging my thinking and my practice of prayer. On Christmas Sunday I offered to help team teach our adult Sunday School class. I'm going to use this material. I'll be sharing more specifics from the book later. What I can tell you now is that it's not the kind of book I can race through. I'm reading it much more slowly than I normally read books and taking notes, and not just because I plan to teach from it. I'm doing a lot of self-examination and a lot of praying...and weeping. I'm quite excited for the growth.

Fervent?

When was the last time you used the word fervent in a sentence? I can't remember either. So when I was looking for verses about prayer and rediscovered our verse in James, it should probably come as no surprise that I got stuck on that word. What does it mean? What does it mean to pray fervently? As is my pattern, I went to dictionary.com to look up this unused and unfamiliar word. There I found that to be fervent is to mean imassioned, passionate, or ardent. That definition, of course, led me off to quickly find out what ardent means. Ardent is defined as intensely devoted, eager, or enthusiastic; zealous. Each word defined the other. Initially I wondered if the intensity that was being described was to define the action of praying. As if something about the way I pray would bring about more positive results. I've heard stirring prayers in different worship settings that have left me feeling that perhaps my prayers weren't “good enough.” Perhaps I just needed to get louder, pace around, and wave my arms at the heavens. Afterall, isn't that a more accurate portrayal of Jesus' intensity in the garden. He was so intent in his praying that he sweat drops of blood. That sounds pretty fervent to me. All this thinking about fervent prayer reminded me of a very special thing that happened at a church I attended back in the 90's. My primaray “assigned” ministry was chaplain at an agency that worked with out of home placed kids, but I was also a part of a pastoral team at my church. Our beloved pastor was going through a very rough time with the ravages of cancer. In our congregation there were three persons who had served as senior pastors, myself included, so we had been directed by the district leadership and the local board to divide up the pastoral duties to cover for our ailing pastor. This was a very emotional time for our church, but it also turned into a very dynamic time of spiritual growth and maturity. No place was this more obvious than in our times of prayer. You want to talk about fervent? Our intense prayers for our pastor and his family spilled over into earnest prayers for our congregation. Then I happened to be covering in the office and I noticed that this experience didn't stop at the walls of the church or its parking lot. Calls started coming in from individuals in the community who had heard that we were a “praying church” and they wanted add their concerns to our prayers. Members of the congregation were stopped at the grocery or Walmart by friends and acquaintances and asked to pray for needs and situations. One Sunday worship as we were preparing for the congregational prayer time we stopped and reflected on this. The congregation had always wanted to make an impact in the community. Now they had. So what would they do with it? We chose to keep praying. So where was the passion and intensity in our prayers? It wasn't about noise or motion, it was about a deep desire to reach the heart of God with the things that mattered to our hearts. That's what I'm hoping to find again. It'll be exciting to see what else will be affected in my life because of this commitment to Pray First this year...but I will be ardently seeking to find out!

Thank-full

I am so thank-full today. I have a wonderful husband. God placed such an amazing man in my life. He and I both know that he isn't perfect, but he is perfect for me. Our two daughters are moving in positive directions in the journeys with the Lord. To hear the younger praise God for the recent provisions and blessings in her life just really blesses my heart. I have a job where I can serve and live out my faith. We have found a sweet congregation to unite with and find ourselves growing in grace and knowledge. There's so much more, so very much more. I just want to own up to the lavishness of his love.

I want my dream back

If someone were to come to me and tell me that I would be guaranteed to have the job of my dreams until the day I died, that I could never lose it, but that I could also never change it, what would I chose?

Piece of cake. No questions. No second guess. As sure as breathing, I would pick being a hospice chaplain.

Just before I typed that several other interests came to mind. I love speaking at retreats. I loved preaching. I enjoy writing. I pondered them for a while, allowing my mind to think and dream, but none held the contentment for me of my original choice.

The saddest part for me is that it can't happen. I wonder if Moses felt this way as he watched the children enter the Promised Land? I bet he knew he could lead them so much better given what he knew now, given what he'd been through with God. I wonder how he found peace. I wonder how he came to terms. I wonder...

I can't have my dream. So I've stopped dreaming. Having no dreams is a lousy way to be.