Manna in the Wilderness

Just Like Us

2012-02-03T04:04:00.000-08:00

This morning I woke up REALLY early: the alarm time was 3:43AM! And wasn't one of those glance at the alarm and roll over moments. I was WIDE awake. So I got up. That gave me a few moments to chat with Hub before he headed out for work--I like doing that. Still awake, I grabbed my Greek study materials and started working on my translation and study of Mark. I'll be meeting with my friend this morning. We're covering Mark 4:10-41.One of the things that jumped out at me came close to the end of the chapter. Jesus and the disciples loaded into a boat and headed across the lake. At first there were other boats going along with them, but then a violent squall comes up. The other boats turn back, but the disciples decide to continue into the storm. They make the decision to head on--why? Jesus is asleep below deck and obviously sleeping quite soundly because the storm doesn't wake him. But then the storm gets to be too much for the disciples and they wake Jesus frantically and rebuke him, "Don't you even care that we're about to perish?" AKA: What's up with you? This is the time for one of your little miracles. Wake up and save us you sleeping slug! How like us weak and fear-filled humans! Instead of using the wisdom and discernment that is available to us we arrogantly head on into the storms of life thinking that we can somehow weather the storm, but when we are badly battered we rebuke God for not protecting us. What? There was no reason to keep going into the storm when it would have been more prudent to turn back. I know in my own life, God provided godly individuals to direct me away from the impendinding doom but I thought that I was stronger than the storm and would be okay. The result was disasterous. And I, too, found myself asking why God let me do that, didn't He care that my life was in shambles? How ridiculous.When Jesus shook off his sleepiness, he stepped up and commanded the wind and waves to muzzle it! And the wind and waves IMMEDIATELY calm themselves. This was no natural and gradual slow coming calm. This was a hit-a-brick-wall-stop-it-right-now occurance, a miracle showing of Jesus' power and dominion. So while the disciples rebuked Jesus, Jesus rebuked the storm.So what can be learned from this? How do we apply this to our life? Can we? The way I see it, we need to really be sure that we're being directed to head into the storm and not just arrogantly proceeding. It's not enough to take Jesus into a storm, we have to trust that if he's with us we'll be ok. And if we have headed in on our own strength, we shouldn't be blaming God for our situation. But even if it is our own doings that get us in a mess, we can turn to Him and know that he can and will bring us peace. Faith doesn't call us to foolishness, it enables us to trust the one who is ultimately in control.

Daily Reflections

2012-01-09T04:37:00.001-08:00

I am revamping and reorganizing my blogs. In this blog I intend to write my reflections and thoughts associated with my devotion and Bible reading. I am reading throught the one year Bible (NLT version). I have tried to do this in the past, read through the Bible, but usually give up before I complete Genesis or January. In an attempt to push on to the finish, I have done two things. First, I am ripping the book apart. One of the excuses I used was that I couldn't carry the book with me everywhere—so I'm not. Right now I have torn out enough to get me through vacation. That small section tucks nicely in my purse. Having the section removed from the binding enables me to do the second more easily. Because the pages now lie completely flat, I can write notes, underline, and draw connecting arrows. I am responding to the text and seeing things that I haven't seen before. Doing this has made the reading so much more interesting...and that's why I've decided to share some of those questions and insights here. For example: I never noticed that Abram laughed when he got the news about Sarai having a baby so late in the game. So much had been made about Sarai laughing and her disbelief regarding the news. Preaching I heard over the years chastised her, but never mentioned that she laughed (according to the text) after Abe laughed. Why doesn't he ever “get in trouble”? Also from my reading about Sarai: She acknowledges that it was the Lord who decided she wouldn't have a child. Seems like solid insight, but with the very next breath she's scheming to find another way to find and heir for Abraham—and then wonders why the plan goes so terribly wrong. If you know in your heart that something is part of God's plan for you, why not accept and trust? Previous to that from my reading I noticed that Abe's dad was 70 when Abe was born. Now in my book, that tells me that Abe shouldn't have been fretting too much before that point about the empty womb issue. He had familial experience with late in life birthing. This and Sarai's scheming just reminded me of how impatient and untrusting we are as human beings. Not trusting God was got the whole thing started back in the Garden. Satan knew where to strike. We don't trust. We want control. So I will be putting reflections from my reading here. I'm not sure if I'll do that everyday, but I'm sure it will be often.

Feeling Held

2012-01-07T04:57:00.001-08:00

So yesterday I flew to my mom's in Arizona. My journey, however, began in a car. A friend drove me to the airport. We arrived surprisingly early and it didn't take too much effort to pry my fingernails from the seatbelt that I had been gripping to keep me secure. I am a horrible passenger, and that is putting it mildly. Weaving through the heavy morning traffic had my heart doing all kinds of flip flops. Flying has not been too different an experience. I am only an occasional traveler, so I have never acquired that calm demeaner that seems to waft from those who saunter through airports with ease and confidence. I'm constantly checking for my ticket, watching the arrival departure screens, getting to the gate ridiculously early, and praying. The whole process is one long continuous prayer vigile. I try to go with the flow and fake outwardly that I know what I'm doing, but I'm well aware that my nervous giggle gives me away every time. It causes me to truly understand and engage in Paul's adominition to pray without ceasing. The serious praying for me really begins as the plane begins to taxi down the runway and occurs again when I feel the jolt of the landing gear emerging as we prepare for landing. At these critical junctures in the flight I realize I need to be keenly prepared to meet my God, so I pray. These prayers are foxhole prayers at there finest. The first leg of my journey was a quick jaunt from Columbus to Chicago O'Haire. Approaching Chicago something happened that I have never experienced before. I looked out my window and saw that we were about to swing out over the lake to head the plane toward the airport and all of a sudden I had this sensation of floating, of weightlessness, but also of being gently bouyed. It reminded me of a time when as a young child my mother was trying to teach me to float in a swimming pool. Initially she had her hands under me, holding me up. Slowly she would pull her hand away, but I could still feel it near. She was trying to teach me to trust that the water could hold me, but also that she was there catch me if I became afraid and started to go under. In that moment in the plane I felt such peace. Gone was the frantic praying that normally would have begun as descended to the ground. I knew I was being given a gift and I just reveled in it silently, and thankfully. And then we landed. And then we sat. Why wasn't the plane moving? Didn't the pilot know I had very little time to make it to my connecting flight? Who cares if the plane at the gate we're assigned to hasn't left yet? It's a big airport, pick another one. I felt myself starting to fret and stew. I'm so unaccustomed to traveling that I didn't know what I would do if I missed my connection. Would I be able to get to Tucson? Would they have to honor my ticket or was I just out of luck? What was I going to do? And then that little spiritual lightbulb went off in my head. I had been on the mountain and experienced a precious moment in the presence of my God just like the disciples had in the story of the Mount of Transfiguration (see Mark 9). They wanted to tary in the specialness of the moment, but had to return to real life, and as soon as they did things started to press on them and cause them to question, fret, and fuss. Just like me. Sitting in my seat, waiting, I entered a quiet internal place and sought forgiveness for allowing the uncertainty of the moment to crowd in and make me forget that God's hand was just as present on the ground as it was in the air. God isn't just about the taking offs and landings, the big scary moments of life. No, he cares about it all, because he cares about me. And there, in that moment, I felt the peace that comes from releasing myself and my insane want of control over to the One who has called me and upholds me. I have called you back from the ends of the earth so that you can serve me. For I have chosen you and will not throw you away. Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Be not dismayed, for I am you God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my victorious right hand. Isaiah 41:9-10, NLT

Continuing to Pray

2012-01-06T01:58:00.000-08:00

My theme or guiding principle for 2012 continues to develop. I went to our public library and found a book while browsing the shelves entitled "Pray Big." It's not a deep book, but it's calling me deeper, challenging my thinking and my practice of prayer. On Christmas Sunday I offered to help team teach our adult Sunday School class. I'm going to use this material. I'll be sharing more specifics from the book later. What I can tell you now is that it's not the kind of book I can race through. I'm reading it much more slowly than I normally read books and taking notes, and not just because I plan to teach from it. I'm doing a lot of self-examination and a lot of praying...and weeping. I'm quite excited for the growth.

Fervent?

2011-12-29T06:03:00.001-08:00

When was the last time you used the word fervent in a sentence? I can't remember either. So when I was looking for verses about prayer and rediscovered our verse in James, it should probably come as no surprise that I got stuck on that word. What does it mean? What does it mean to pray fervently?As is my pattern, I went to dictionary.com to look up this unused and unfamiliar word. There I found that to be fervent is to mean imassioned, passionate, or ardent. That definition, of course, led me off to quickly find out what ardent means. Ardent is defined as intensely devoted, eager, or enthusiastic; zealous. Each word defined the other.Initially I wondered if the intensity that was being described was to define the action of praying. As if something about the way I pray would bring about more positive results. I've heard stirring prayers in different worship settings that have left me feeling that perhaps my prayers weren't “good enough.” Perhaps I just needed to get louder, pace around, and wave my arms at the heavens. Afterall, isn't that a more accurate portrayal of Jesus' intensity in the garden. He was so intent in his praying that he sweat drops of blood. That sounds pretty fervent to me.All this thinking about fervent prayer reminded me of a very special thing that happened at a church I attended back in the 90's. My primaray “assigned” ministry was chaplain at an agency that worked with out of home placed kids, but I was also a part of a pastoral team at my church. Our beloved pastor was going through a very rough time with the ravages of cancer. In our congregation there were three persons who had served as senior pastors, myself included, so we had been directed by the district leadership and the local board to divide up the pastoral duties to cover for our ailing pastor.This was a very emotional time for our church, but it also turned into a very dynamic time of spiritual growth and maturity. No place was this more obvious than in our times of prayer. You want to talk about fervent? Our intense prayers for our pastor and his family spilled over into earnest prayers for our congregation. Then I happened to be covering in the office and I noticed that this experience didn't stop at the walls of the church or its parking lot. Calls started coming in from individuals in the community who had heard that we were a “praying church” and they wanted add their concerns to our prayers. Members of the congregation were stopped at the grocery or Walmart by friends and acquaintances and asked to pray for needs and situations.One Sunday worship as we were preparing for the congregational prayer time we stopped and reflected on this. The congregation had always wanted to make an impact in the community. Now they had. So what would they do with it? We chose to keep praying. So where was the passion and intensity in our prayers? It wasn't about noise or motion, it was about a deep desire to reach the heart of God with the things that mattered to our hearts. That's what I'm hoping to find again. It'll be exciting to see what else will be affected in my life because of this commitment to Pray First this year...but I will be ardently seeking to find out!

Thank-full

2011-11-24T07:14:00.001-08:00

I am so thank-full today. I have a wonderful husband. God placed such an amazing man in my life. He and I both know that he isn't perfect, but he is perfect for me.Our two daughters are moving in positive directions in the journeys with the Lord. To hear the younger praise God for the recent provisions and blessings in her life just really blesses my heart.I have a job where I can serve and live out my faith.We have found a sweet congregation to unite with and find ourselves growing in grace and knowledge.There's so much more, so very much more. I just want to own up to the lavishness of his love.

I want my dream back

2011-11-05T09:15:00.000-07:00

If someone were to come to me and tell me that I would be guaranteed to have the job of my dreams until the day I died, that I could never lose it, but that I could also never change it, what would I chose?

Piece of cake. No questions. No second guess. As sure as breathing, I would pick being a hospice chaplain.

Just before I typed that several other interests came to mind. I love speaking at retreats. I loved preaching. I enjoy writing. I pondered them for a while, allowing my mind to think and dream, but none held the contentment for me of my original choice.

The saddest part for me is that it can't happen. I wonder if Moses felt this way as he watched the children enter the Promised Land? I bet he knew he could lead them so much better given what he knew now, given what he'd been through with God. I wonder how he found peace. I wonder how he came to terms. I wonder...

I can't have my dream. So I've stopped dreaming. Having no dreams is a lousy way to be.

Pressing On

2011-08-28T09:22:00.000-07:00

Since May, I have been involved in a somewhat unique Bible study. As is typical, we started out with 5, went up to 7, and are now down to 2. The two of us that are left are the ones who had the idea for the study in the first place. We are studying Philippians. Not too unusual. We are translating it from the Greek. I have taken many classes in New Testament Greek and she has her degree in Classical Greek. It has been quite an experience. We have enjoyed this so much that we are planning to move on to the gospel of Mark as soon as we finish Philippians, and we're just starting chapter 4.

As I was studying this week, I got to Philippians 3:13 and I found myself in tears as Paul's very personal words to his friends touched my heart profoundly. His language is so emphatic and intense. He tells them that he completely forgets what is behind and with his whole being strains intently forward. The commentators that we've been using as resource were having field days picking away at the minutia of the verses in this section and all I could hear was the intensity of Paul's heart.

In the beginning of chapter 3, it seems to me that Paul is describing his own kenosis directly on the heels of his holding up the pattern which Jesus laid out for us (see Phil. 2:6-11) and this follows his pleading for them to be of one mind, the mind of Christ. Paul states with clear conviction the reasons he would have for grasping at glory. In Jewish terms and experience, he really was all that and a bag of chips. But for Paul, it was all worthless crap when compared to the treasure of knowing Christ Jesus as Lord.

Now there is some question, according to biblical scholars, as to whether Paul is saying that he's forgetting his impressive pedigree, or forgetting his murderous attack upon the early church. I'm of the mind that it could be both. Knowing Christ fully for Paul seems to involve letting go of his arrogant pride and his shame-filled guilt. To hang onto either would seriously limit his ability to move more fully into relationship with his Lord. Were he to maintain his hold upon his socially and spiritually enviable position, he would find little room or need for a savior. On the other hand, wallowing in his shame and guilt would result in his failure to trust in the one was and is able to see beyond that. These forces for Paul were exceedingly strong and needed to be met head on with an attitude and fortitude that could only be described as he does so intensely, "straining, reaching, moving toward."

Reading this passage again this week, and examining the words that Paul used to convey his message, I was struck by the contrast of my own intentions and effort toward knowing my Lord and Savior. Like many, I have lots of "want to", but am very weak on the follow through. God drove this point home further with me this morning with my pastor's message. I began writing this piece early this morning before church, so I was already thinking deeply on my need to bring my follow through up to the level of my heart's desire. Pastor Tom's message dealt with the passage in Malachai where God is chastising the people for their blemished offerings. Very clearly Pastor spoke God's truth to my heart: God doesn't want my leftovers.

My leftovers, scraps of time offered to Him here and there just aren't enough, and surely aren't good enough. So with energized intention I'm beginning a renewed phase in my walk. Not only will I live up to what I know (also a part of Paul's message to the Phillippians), but I will be seeking and living into new ways to walk more fully in grace and knowledge.

Everything I Need

2011-08-21T11:17:00.000-07:00

I have everything I need. If I don't have it, I must not need it. Can I trust God that much? Can you?

2011-08-07T05:08:00.000-07:00

So this morning I began exploring this new social connection site, Pinterest. As I started considering areas of interest, I began contemplating sacred and special places. What makes a place sacred? I'm thinking that a place becomes sacred, any place, when my spirit recognizes the presence of His spirit. It seems so simple...yet strikes me quite profoundly.

Butterflies and Boundaries

2011-06-05T17:39:00.001-07:00

What do you give to the person who seems to have everything they need? Someone bought the woman I provide daily care for an interactive butterfly collection. It’s a butterfly in a jar. Tapping the jar one, two, or three times will “wake” the butterfly and cause it to do tricks. Setting something on the table can have the same effect. It’s cute, but there’s something wrong about it.

Now I am completely aware that it is not a real butterfly, but even still the thought of holding a butterfly captive and forcing it to do tricks is not an image I want. Butterflies were not created to be held captive. They were created to flit among flowers, skim over the grass, and gently land upon those who are still. Their grace, beauty, and delicate nature speak to the wonder and whimsical nature of their creator.

I feel the same way when I watch children catching fireflies and putting them in jars. It’s not right. Chase them and laugh as they allude your grasp. Sit and watch them light up the yard or field as daylight slips into darkness. But why trap them? Why confine them to a place that removes them from where they can live freely? Why condemn them to an early death, separated from what they know and love?

I wonder if that’s how God feels when we allow ourselves to be captured and held captive by things that will drain the life out of us, when we give into addictions, lusts and sinful desires? I wonder if God’s heart breaks to see us place our fragile hearts into the hands of the deceiver? Don’t we realize we were created for more?

In an attempt to keep us safe when we were young children, my parents put a fence around our swing set. We had a nice size yard, but we were confined to the smaller area. I remember watching kids in nearby yards running freely and being very jealous of their ability to seemingly roam at will. It wasn’t fair. I resented my parents. I imagine I felt like a butterfly in a jar.

Later in life when I came upon a verse in Psalms, I felt that same feeling of injustice rising up within me. David wrote in in Psalm 139 that he felt that God hemmed in behind and before. Reading the Psalm, I don’t get any impression that David resents God’s hemming him in. On the contrary, he seems to be marveling at how God had protected him, even from the womb.

The only fence in my yard is for my dogs. I have on numerous occasions reiterated the boundary lines for play and bike riding to my five year old grandson. It is for his safety and protection. We don’t need to push the boundaries if we can trust the one who seeks to keep us safe. Trust me, I speak from pain-full experience, there is no wisdom in breaking those boundaries.

I still will probably never understand a butterfly in a jar. But I will always understand the need for a good fence. God has my full submission, and appreciation, for any boundary he wants to put in my life.

Un-action figures

2011-06-05T12:22:00.000-07:00

Ok. So I'm watching Phineas and Ferb with my 5yr old grandson. On this episode the boys made Perry the Platypus into an action figure. But he was an action figure that didn't do anything. Really? An action figure that does nothing? What kind of sense does that make? The point of an action figure is to act.

I guess an action figure that does nothing is about as non-sensical as a Christian who does nothing...I'm just saying....

On Hope

2011-06-03T11:18:00.000-07:00

20κατὰ τὴν ἀποκαραδοκίαν καὶ ἐλπίδα μου

This is the first part of Philippians 1:20. I’m still trying to figure out what to do with the κατὰ, but it’s the ἀποκαραδοκίαν καὶ ἐλπίδα that really caught my attention as I was studying this morning.

ἀποκαραδοκίαν is a very interesting word. It’s a classic Paul word: multiple words scrunched together for emphasis. It is a word describing hope. O’Brien suggests that it has a bit of a negative connotation to it. When you take the word apart, it means to look away from something to consider another thing. The intensity is demonstrated in the image of a head stretching out far in a different direction.

Hope definitely takes us in a different direction. I find that it is very easy to get sucked into the world’s downward pull and the only way out is to turn my eyes away. And I guess the intensity of that is difficulty I feel trying to break free of that pull.

καὶ ἐλπίδα, then is a more future oriented and positive hopefulness. And we need both: hope for the moment that enables to believe that I can live differently now and for the future that gives me something to live toward.

I had a medical procedure today that I’ve been anticipating for nearly three weeks. Hope was what enabled me to get through that time with as little anxiety as I did. No matter what the result, I knew that I could get through the potential present difficulties and arrive at my promised future. It gave me a better understanding of what Paul was saying when he declared that to “live is Christ and to die is gain.” It really is “win-win.” Now there’s reason for hope!

Holy Choreography

2011-05-02T20:23:00.001-07:00

Earl Palmer writes in his book, “Integrity in a World of Pretense”:

Paul says that two things will combine to make the bad situation in which he finds himself turn out for his deliverance: the prayers of the Philippians and “the help of the Spirit of Jesus Christ.” The word “help” in in this sentence comes from a verb that has as its root the Greek word choros, choir or chorus. It originally meant “ to lead a chorus,” then “to pay the expenses for training a chorus,” and by the time Paul wrote it had come to mean simply “to defray the expenses of something, to provide, to supply in abundance, to choreograph.

The Holy Spirit choreographs our prayers.

There is a dance competition show that I love to watch--for a lot of different reasons. I love the way the dancers lose themselves in the dance. Their lack of inhibition doesn’t just tug on my heart it about pulls it straight out of my chest. I also have favorite choreographers. There are a few that I can always count on to amaze and move me.

Does the Holy Spirit do that for me? Can I throw myself, with no inhibitions, completely without abandon, into His “unforced rhythms”? Do I trust the steps He has laid out for me, for others? Can I let Him lead? Can you?

http://youtube/r8EoFESw4iY

Precious Moments--Lap Time

2011-04-29T21:03:00.000-07:00

One of my most favorite images of God is that of a child being held, nustling right in his strong hand, curled up in his ample lap. At five, Asher will still come and find my lap when he wants to fall asleep. It doesn't matter what I am doing because he knows I will immediately drop it to hold him while he falls asleep. I absolutely never see it as anything but a precious gift and I won't miss a single one of them. I know that someday, way sooner than I want, he will think he is too big for that--and he will be. I will so terribly miss those moments.

Tonight when Asher crawled up into my lap and yawned, totally secure and totally sure, I couldn't help but think of how God must treasure when I come to curl up in his lap, when I acknowledge my need to be held. Thankfully I will never outgrow that and God will never get tired of me coming...ever.

Precious moments indeed.

Lent: Where I'm At Today

2011-03-11T09:55:00.001-08:00

Lent. Another time of anticipation. Another time for preparation. A time for sacrifice. A time for tuning. A time for deeper listening. Slowing. Becoming more deeply aware, sensitive, present.

What if the thing I’m to give up is my overall proclivity, tendency, preference for busyness and noise? What if instead of merely getting my spiritual toe wet, I jumped in and submerged myself in open spirituality? What if I intentionally choose to look at things from a different perspective, God’s?

I was thinking about this after I got a call the other day from daughter. It was Ash Wednesday. She called me at work to share a cute Asher (my 5yr old grandson) moment. It was right after pre-school and she was trying to explain Lent and the process of “giving something up.” Innocently, she suggested that they, both she and Asher, give up eating fast food (McDonalds, Wendy’s, etc.) for the forty days of Lent. He was beside himself at the very thought of this. He melted down in huge gut wrenching sobs. I honestly believe that it was in part due to the fact that his limited 5yr old understanding feared that he wouldn’t be able to eat anything due to the high number of times that both they and we eat out. He was finally able to agree to the possibility of giving up soda pop.

Asher’s response really triggered some intense questioning for me. His response felt uncomfortably familiar to me. How many times had God invited me to move into a more costly experience and deeper relationship with him, but I broke down at the very thought of what I would be “giving up”, because I couldn’t imagine how life would go on without the familiar thing? Even if that thing was the very thing that held me back from growth, or real joy.

Typically, I am easily impressed with what it is that I am to be sacrificing for my Lenten journey. This year it hasn’t been that way. I felt no peace about giving up chocolate, coffee, pizza, or pop. What I am feeling is a deeper wrestling with offering God an item or individual thing instead of looking at the process from the “big picture.” It feels to me that after being at this spiritual journey for nearly forty years now I should be doing better at living with the grand scheme rather than focusing on the minutia. I’ve been very good at seeing the trees, it’s time, however, to take in the forest.

So I determined this year to focus on how I am doing at living what I know and seeking to know more. Doing this will engage my spiritual senses both in areas of breadth and depth. There will be a natural turning away from the familiar time wasters and worldly pastimes that have all too successfully sucked up my attention. I am imagining and already experiencing walking away from TV to read. My conversations have taken a different tone. I still have a long way to go, but I can see the corner as I’m getting closer to rounding it.

I don’t foresee that this will be a simple transition, but really feels like the right one for me. I wonder who else I will find along this new path in my journey.

Homage

2011-02-20T11:17:00.000-08:00

I am a NASCAR fan. I smile when I say that because there was I time when the words would never have come out of my mouth. I remember back when we lived in Kansas City having lunch with a couple from church and we had to eat where he could see the race. I thought it was weird to put that much attention into watching grown men drive in a cirlce. Many years later, Asher learned his numbers from the race cars. He learned to identify the racers by their numbers--it was terribly confusing when Tony Stewart was no longer the #20 car. I have participated in NASCAR Fantasy for more years than I can remember right now. My favorite words are: Boogety, boogety, boogety boys! Let's go racing. And you better tell them to start their engines with gusto!

Just now I was watching the start of the Daytona 500. The announcers explained that on the third lap there would be silence to honor Dale Earnhart who's greatest legacy probably wasn't his 7 Daytona wins as much as it was and is his contribution through the ultimate sacrifice in the improvements to safety of the sport he gave his life for. As the cars made the third lap and the announcers were silent, the cameras panned the crowd. Practically everyone there raised their hand and lifted three fingers to honor the racing legend. It was quite moving. I confess I choked up and teared up. And moved directly to my computer.

I was able to gather with other believers this morning for corporate worship. The music, all but for one song, moved me. I was frustrated that I had no voice to sing, but silently mouthed the words and worshiped from my heart. I heard a phrase in the familiar hymn, "How Great Thou Art": Then sings my soul , my Savior God to thee, how great thou art. It's not my voice that is required as much as my soul, my heart, my inner being.

On the one upbeat chorus that I was unfamiliar with, there was a phrase about lifting our hands. I didn't look around much but I did notice that the woman behind me shamelessly and exuberantly raised her hands. And I found myself thinking: what if we would all just close our eyes, would there be greater freedom to lift hands and hearts in praise? Would our faces be able to express our joy or brokenness? In a later chorus I was humbled and broke into tears as I sang, “I’ll never know how much it cost to see my sin upon that cross.”

I thought about that again as I saw that massive crowd of over 100,000 people raising their hands to pay homage to a man who drove fast around a two and a half mile loop and died doing the thing he loved. And I wondered: why were they so much freer at paying homage than we are to the real King of Kings, and Lord of Lords? I think that’s why I really choked up and teared up. Oh sure it was a moving moment, but it was a humbling moment for me--and it had nothing to do with racing and everything to do with life and my willingness--or unwillingness to openly live what I say I believe.

I Am Your Servant Larry Norman

2011-01-26T10:36:00.000-08:00

I sat still a lot on Monday at work. It was my first day back after having my gallbladder out Thursday of the week before. I knew that I wasn't going to lift much,even when I fed the fire I picked the lightest logs. I wanted a nap in the worst kind of way. About two-thirds of the way through the nine and a half hour shift I found myself warring internally over how ridiculous it was to be at work so soon after surgery and being thankful for the low-stress job that I had been blessed with.

One thought seemed to bubble to the top at the end of the mental battle. Somewhere in the process I remembered the story of Henri Nouwen. This scholar who was in such demand as a professor, speaker, and even more recognized as a gifted writer seemed to find his greatest contentment working with profoundly mentally and physically challenged adults. And in that moment I got it. It's all about service.

Next month I'm going to teach a class at my church on personality and spirituality (drawing heavily from MBTI). It is something I am very passionate about and I am quite excited to do it. But...it is something I'm going to do, it is not who I am. I am a servant.

New Year Reflection Challenge

2011-01-01T09:37:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine here at OD and Facebook (and by phone in real life) posted this challenge and it was a nice piece for relfection for me this morning.

Completing and Remembering 2010
In 2010

What were the most important things you learned?
I gained a very different perspective on my work as a care giver. I began to realize that I really loved my job, loved serving. It was a very different perspective than I had going into the position two years ago. It's not just a privlege to have a job, but I treasure the opportunity to gently serve.

What was the most loving service you performed?
Three things immediately come to mind. First, I have "sacrificed" my own life to provide daily care for my grandson Asher. Most of the time this seems like no big thing, but at other times it has impinged on my friendships and personal interests, but I won't not do it. The second thing that comes to mind is the time that I cleaned up after one of my charge's poopy accidents. She was ashamed, but I assured her that it was no problem at all--and it wasnt'. The final thing was serving at the community dinner.

What was the biggest risk you took?
Risk? I'm so not a big risk taker. Oddly, it might have been to start cooking.

How did you encourage others?
Sometimes I think that my middle name is "encourager"--which would sound weird, but anyway...I encouraged others through my writing, by listening, by praying, and leaving uplifting notes.

Who made the biggest difference in your life? How have you acknowledged them?
Nelson. Even after knowing him for over 33 years, Nelson continues to be the hugest influence upon my life. Additionally, I think that my friendship with Heidi has made a big difference in my life. She probably doesn't see it, especially since the one thing she continues to encourage me to do I have been blocked on.

How did you improve your relationships with those you love?
By speaking more plainly and being more intentional in my connections

What were your greatest achievements?
Speaking at the Womens' Retreat in September,

What else do you need to do or say to be complete with 2010? Nothing

Creating 2011

In 2011

What are you looking forward to learning?
More about MBTI and spritual formation and understanding

What undeveloped talent are you willing to explore?
Perhaps not "UN"developed, but UNDERdeveloped: getting my writing published

How will you experience more joy?
I will have my bike to ride all year! I'm going to cook more. I'm really looking forward to doing more with my garden.

What loving services will you perform?
Not sure, but I will be more open to the opportunities that present themselves.

What risks are you planning to take?
Putting my writing out there to publishers and marketing my speaking/retreat ministries.

How will you encourage others?
I will do what I always do, but I think I'm going to do more note/card writing.

How will you improve your relationships with those you love?
I have some thoughts, but need more time to develop them.

How will you make a difference in the world?
I will continue to do the service oriented living that is second nature to me.

What will be your greatest achievements? That will be seen more quickly upon reflection as the year unfolds.

Invite in the New!
Reflect on this past year and move forward with The New Year Make the following lists:
3 things for which you are grateful: A. Precious family and friends; B. freedom to express myself creatively and serve others; C. the grace and mercy of a sovereign God who loves me and wants to be in relationship with me in spite of my limitations and propensity to screw things up.

3 things you are ready to leave behind: A. Fear; B. Negativity; C. Lack of discipline

3 things you would like to forget or be forgiven for: A. Being a poor excuse for a mother (according to older daughter); B.

3 things you will forgive and not carry into next year: I'm pretty up to date on my forgiving, and I will adjust as I am aware...never sensical to carry unforgiveness: it's the burden no one can carry.

When Hazelnut Tastes Like Raspberry

2010-11-16T13:35:00.000-08:00

I awoke this morning with the beginnings of a cold. I usually pop out of bed and get right on the tasks of the morning. This morning I felt achy all over, my nose was plugged up, and I had what my family weirdly refers to as “eye boogers.” I’m sure you’ve had them, just not called them that. I’m referring to the crusty particles that are caked around your eyes. But this isn’t going to be all about eye boogers.

As I got up and started moving around, I became convinced that my head must have put on weight while I was sleeping, because I was sure that it weighed more than a small bowling ball. All I wanted to do was put it back on my pillow, but since today was a work day, I knew that was not going to happen, so it was on to those morning tasks.

One of the things on my morning list was to make coffee. We’re a decaffeinated family, but we still enjoy our morning coffee, especially when it’s flavored. Right now I have two flavors in containers in the freezer: Southern Pecan and Hazelnut. Today was to be a Hazelnut day. Normally, I love the way the brewed coffee “smells” up the house, but my stuffed up nose kept me from that little pleasure. Small concern since I would be enjoying its taste soon enough. When the coffee maker finally ended its chugging and gurgling I filled my 32oz. mug and headed out the door for work.

I arrived at work and quickly dove into my morning setup and preparations. I provide elder care for a woman with dementia, so part of my routine is to prepare her breakfast. When I had everything set for my little lady, I sat down to have a few sips of my coffee. Good thing I was next to the sink because it tasted so nasty I immediately spit it into the sink. What a cruel joke! My normally very enjoyable morning brew tasted like a poor imitation of raspberry coffee.

To say that I was disappointed barely grasps the level of my emotions. But more than that, I was terribly confused. I had prepared coffee from this same batch on Saturday and it tasted fine, good in fact. What gremlins had been acting out their devious schemes in my freezer? I sat down to ponder this and it dawned on me that no gremlins were to blame, just my ailing taste buds and my oversaturated olfactory system. Bottom line: it was this cold.

Now when I get to pondering, those of you who know me know that generally leads me down paths of spiritual implications. Today proved not to be the exception. The question that bubbled up for me was this: what do we do when the things we want, perhaps even expect, come at us in very different forms? Just the formulation of the question brought instant tears to my eyes as I was flooded with the painful and disappointing memories of our recent trip to Disney when what was to be a joyous celebration turned into an excruciating experience of family dysfunction run wild.

Just calling that fiasco a fiasco was an odd sort of growth piece for me. I was raised in a family where we kept our dysfunction behind closed doors. If I were to follow my standard pattern, when someone would ask how our trip went I would have only picked out the good moments and basically denied the others existed. I couldn’t do that with this. I wouldn’t. I didn’t. The bad far outweighed the good and no amount of believing in pixy dust would make it any different. It was supposed to magical. I expected it to be. But just like my coffee this morning, I didn’t get what I expected. So now what would I do with that?

The first thing I had to realize was that it was not the end of the world. Yes, it was a disappointment, but life would actually go on. It’s going to be different, but not over. Then, I had to own it for what it was. Each time someone asked about our trip, I told them that it was nothing like what I expected, that family dysfunction reared its ugly head, but that there were also very precious stellar moments, and Disney puts on an amazing fireworks display! And when I was honest, I found something amazing as the fireworks but way more healing. Other people actually went to the Magic World of Disney and had equally awful and sometimes even worse experiences than mine. Who knew?

Yes, Tina, but what does this have to do with coffee and colds? Here’s the thing: when we go through an experience and it turns out not to be what we expected, especially when what we end up with falls far short of our expectation or desire and we are left with overwhelming disappointment, we need to realize that isn’t the end of the world and we’re not alone in feeling that way.

Five years ago, at my 30th high school reunion, a few of us women were standing on one side of the room looking across the way at a group of the men from our class. It dawned on me, and I shared it with my classmates, that if we had known that those guys were going to look like that in thirty years, we would have spent way less time crying in the bathroom—and the guys were probably thinking the same thing! In the moment we can be overcome by feelings of devastating disappointment, but with time comes the blessing of perspective.

I went looking for a verse or passage that would help me tie this altogether and I came upon Galatians 6:9: So don’t get tired of doing what is good. Don’t get discouraged and give up, for we will reap a harvest of blessing at the appropriate time. (NLT) When I read this here’s what I hear: Don’t quit doing the good that you know you should do, even when it’s hard. Don’t give into the discouragements that are going to come, don’t let your disappointments defeat you. If you will hold on, keep going, you will not only find a blessing but a harvest of blessings—abundance of blessing is available to sustain you. And it will come right on time. Not before. Never too late.

Isn’t it interesting that the verse that God brought to my attention had to do with harvest and blessings. Here we sit a week before Thanksgiving. For some, these days hold very little blessing at first glance. They have already given up and are way beyond tired. Their hazelnut doesn’t taste like raspberry, it’s a far more putrid and hopeless cup they drink from. Will you share your blessings with them?

Many of us put a lot of energy into making this a positive time for family to gather and share blessings. The expectations often are high and the disappointments equally so as weariness locks horns with hope and the result is an ugly mess. So should we just give up and go to McDonalds? I don’t think so. I believe we need to do the right thing for the right reasons and put our expectations to rest. It’s not going to be a perfect day. Some part of the meal probably won’t turn out right. Some family members are just not going to get along. Your football team may just loose. And there’s a pretty good chance that the weather will not be what you want. Get over it. Let go of those expectations and let the day be a time when instead of even thinking about what isn’t, think about what is and why the effort really was worth it. For when the time is right, you will reap a harvest of blessing.

And you may even find that raspberry coffee is not so bad.

New Job

2010-11-05T17:24:00.001-07:00

Very early in my working experience, I had a conversation with God. I agreed to pretty much always take whatever interviews that came my way. So like when I was a pastor, even if the church didn't seem to be one that I would have chosen, I would always interview. I knew that I didn't always see things from the big picture, or God's perspective, so I needed to take a closer look. Looking back, it makes for some pretty interesting stories.

I was contacted by a friend from church the other day about a job. Her job to be exact. Or rather, her soon to be former job. It's a part time position that has no benefits and she needs those since she is a young widow. I was quite touched that she thought of me when she was thinking of finding her replacement.

She sent me an email and asked if I had any office experience. I have. From her description, I don't think there's anything I can't handle or learn. Then she asked if I had any legal experience. It made me chuckle a bit. You see, this job is working in a local attorney's office. I'm not sure if my "legal experience" will qualify or eliminate me from consideration. I guess it's just an interview I'll have to go on and see.

The funny thing is that this opportunity came out of nowhere. I'm quite content with my job. It has taken me a while to get there, but I feel like I am doing something meaningful and I can't hardly find the words to describe how much I like the stress-free nature of my work. I have a pretty sure hunch that would not be the case with the new position. But I can see that things could change pretty quickly in my elder care job.

One of the real pluses to this new position, as with my current situation, is that I would still be available to watch Asher everyday. This continues to be a commitment that Nelson and I take very seriously.

Recently Asher has gotten into soccer. So no matter how tired I am just about every afternoon I'm out kicking the soccer ball around. When my girls were little, we didn't do soccer. Beth got into it late in high school, but it never required more of me than sitting in the stands cheering in all kinds of weather. I was not a soccer mom. But I am becoming a soccer mema. Tonight it all seemed a bit crazy as we kicked the ball around with snowflakes falling around us. Only a cup of cocoa with marshmellows served to be the ticket in out of the cold.

My hips were aching as I kicked the ball around and I fought not to quit. I was no good at kickball, I have not gotten any better in my aim with the passage of time. If anything that seems much worse. I must have missed the net ten times for every one time I just came close. At 53, why do I have to learn to play soccer?

This morning I reread the story of Moses being visited by God in the burning bush. Moses was well past 53 when he received his new job assignment. No amount of excuses or negotiating seemed to dissuade God from his plan. Moses was the man for the job.

So at 53, should I be too surprised that God might be calling me to something new? Perhaps my time of exile and solitude is done. Perhaps it's time to step up to God's next thing. Whether it turns out to be this position or something else. I'm not too old to learn to kick a soccer ball, or too inflexible to trust God to put me in a new position. No matter what, he's worth trusting--he really does see the big picture and have my best interests in mind.

Cooking and Writing

2010-10-09T05:40:00.000-07:00

Recently, a friend of mine warned me not to sit on my gift. Just prior to that, she had asked me if I had written anything lately. I hadn’t. I haven’t felt inspired to write. It was like I had nothing to say.

Last week I was going through emails and I came across one that was advertising next year’s Writers’ Market. I remembered back to January of this year. I had begged Nelson for an updated copy. I told him that if he would buy it for me I would send out at least ten pieces to publishers. He did and I didn’t.

In the past few months, I have begun to enjoy cooking. Not long ago, Nelson posited that I was cooking to avoid writing. Seemed ridiculous to me. He had cooked most of our married life—mostly because he was very good at it, but also because I worked non-stop. Now, Nelson is working long days and it just makes sense for me to pick up that responsibility. I dove into the task by hunting for potential recipes and then began experimenting with combinations that I knew we liked. I went quickly from having three recipes that my family enjoyed to a couple dozen. It felt good.

This morning as I was washing the pot that I had made a really good soup in yesterday, I had an epiphany. It was about cooking and writing. When Nelson and I got married I was afraid to cook. I was such a novice that my mother-in-law bought me an illustrated cookbook. My repertoire included macaroni made in a hot pot and peanut butter sandwiches. To avoid embarrassment, I acquiesced to Nelson’s expertise and over the years discovered three recipes that I did well and stuck with those. I was afraid to do any more than that because if I couldn’t do it perfectly I wouldn’t do it all.

What I realized as I stood at my sink scrubbing dishes was that Nelson was right in part. I needed to cook so that I could write. I hadn’t contacted any publishers with my writing because, though I knew I could write, I didn’t consider myself a writer. Throwing myself into my cooking showed me that. For years I had avoided cooking because I didn’t see myself as a cook and therefore I couldn’t. It wasn’t enough to say that I could cook, I had to be the best cook. I knew I was far from that so I didn’t, and wouldn’t cook. This was reinforced by the ridicule I took when I tried to cook. I was the brunt of many a family joke. Why should I continue to prove them right and give them something new to laugh at?

My recent successes at cooking have forced me to rethink this. I may not be a “James Beard Chef”, but I can cook. Nelson has really enjoyed my newly found and developing love for being creative in the kitchen. He raves about the meals and shows them off at work. I’m not going to be Top Chef anywhere, not even in my kitchen. That honor will always be Nelson’s. But it’s not going to keep me from cooking and experimenting.

I still have a few months left in this year. I will probably never win an award for my writing, but why should that keep me from developing my craft and sharing my thoughts? The obvious answer is that it shouldn’t—and based on what I learned from cooking recently: it won’t!

Oh, and while I’m at it, I realized something else about my writing that makes it more imperative that I push past my reluctance to face rejection. Recently while I was preparing for a retreat I led on spirituality and personality, I read that most devotionals are written by “N” types (think MBTI). I mulled that over for a while and realized that is one of the reasons I feel so compelled to create a devotional series, one that is more appealing and appropriate for “S” types. Not everyone relates to the intuitive style and needs to engage their senses more completely to engage them spiritually. Maybe I’ve found my niche!

8 Miles

2010-09-08T07:54:00.000-07:00

I decided to take a morning ride today. There were a lot of reasons why this could prove to be unwise, but there were two weighing on my mind: it's very windy (30mph gusts); and I'm just not as limber in the morning. I knew the latter fact from my workout days at Curves. I got a better workout in the afternoon/evening, mostly because I was loosened up and my muscles just responded better. But I was not to be disuaded!

So I took off from the house with inspirational music on my MP3 player and a high level of determination. Less than three quarters of a mile into the ride I was beginning to have serious second thoughts. Easy flat spots on my route were nearly impossible as it took all my energy to fight the headwind. At other moments I feared I would topple as the wind gusted at me from the side. Several moments I was ready to turn around--some ride was better than none. At least I came out and gave it a try. No! I was going to do this.

When I reached the turn around spot that is 2.5 miles from the house, I decided to press on. Then when I reached the spot where I could turn right, go a distance that would add a mile to the ride, I turned left and decided to see where the road would take me. What a pleasant choice!

The road I ended up taking was a quiet, rolling country road. When I got to the end of it I found that I had ridden to the next country town. I rode to the next town! I was so proud of myself--especially for not giving up! I was energized as I rode all the way home that the distance felt like a blink and the wind no longer held me back.

As soon as I put my bike away, I grabbed my keys and hopped in the car to go see how far I had actually ridden. It was just under 4 miles to the other town and the spot where I turned around to come home. Yay for me!

Now, as you can imagine, I of course was able to see some spiritual implications during my ride today. The major one came when it seemed like God nudged me in the back to keep me going. I could have blamed the surge on the wind and given into my weak spirit and turned back home. I have done it enough. Quit too soon. Quit when it gets a little tough. I have let the hills and wind of life keep my from going forward. I really wonder what I missed by choosing my way over His.

I'm reading a book that has really gotten me to thinking. M. Robert Mullholland's book, "The Deeper Journey." I am reading the section that describes the "false self" and the "religious false self." Two characteristics of these false selfs stuck out to me (really they knocked me upside the head): fear and control. I'm not sure if the two sides of one coin, but they definitely go hand in hand for me. I'm afraid so I want control. I feel loss of control and I'm immediately afraid. Anyway, I have more reading to do and hopefully I'll come out of this better able to trust and let go....and keep on riding!

Portion and Cup

2010-07-07T09:27:00.001-07:00

Psalm 16:5

You have assigned me my portion and my cup. You have made my lot secure. (TNIV)
Lord, you alone are my inheritance, my cup of blessing. You guard all that is mine. (NLT)
My choice, is you, God, first and only and now I find I’m your choice. (The Message)

The other day my husband went to the freezer to take out some meat to thaw for dinner and he found that the door had not been shut properly and a box of popsicles had melted, spilling sticky goop onto each shelf and down the inside of the door. We both instantly knew who the culprit was that hadn’t shut the door: the grandson. In an effort to expand our trust, we have allowed him to get his own small snacks and with the recent heat, popsicles have become his favorites. Even with constant reminders, sometimes the door just doesn’t get shut tight.

Perhaps that is why when I was a kid we were never allowed to get our own treats. What we were allowed was doled out to us. Later, when we were responsible enough to close the door, we were allowed to get our own treats, but the amount and the variety was carefully controlled and monitored by our mother. Portions were rigidly adhered to: three cookies after meals; two donuts with breakfast; one small bowl of chips; or only one bowl of cereal for breakfast. The only between meal drink was water. And the clear understanding was ‘don’t ask for any more.’ I knew when I opened my sack at lunch at school that there would be a small bag of chips, a sandwich, and three cookies.

Some might have found comfort in the consistency with which we were fed. All I ever saw was what seemed like a banquet for my friends. I rebelled against this rigidity in private, eating other’s castoffs and sneaking food whenever I was able. I never interpreted the limits as love or wisdom, only as punitive, withholding and depriving. Others had more, why couldn’t I? This lack of understanding produced a distortion that unfortunately infiltrated so many areas of my life, from food to relationships to my spirituality.

At some point in my walk with the Lord, I came across Psalm 16, and found I needed to camp out on verse 5. The more I stayed there, the more I revisited and let the words penetrate deep into my heart, the more I was able to let go of the distortions that had led me into a bulimic form of existence(binging and purging, gorging and repenting). No matter what had happened when I was a child, it was and is God who assigns my portion and cup. He who created me knows what I need and he gives me exactly what I need to accomplish his purpose in my life.

As I pondered my portion for today, I was reminded of Jesus’ teaching to the disciples in what we now call The Lord’s Prayer: give us this day our daily bread. How many of my problems would cease to be problems if I would just focus on my portion and cup today? What would happen if we would acknowledge before God that we seek no more or less than what he has for us this day?

What do you need today? What do I need today? If this verse from David and Jesus’ subsequent teaching mean anything, then it isn’t up to me to decide. We typically spend a lot of time telling God what we need, and reminding him what others need as well. How would our prayers and life change if instead we prayed: “Show me what I really need so that I can be effective in all I do?”

Just as my mother knew that I didn’t need more that three cookies, God knows what this day holds and just what I will need to meet it. So I can trust and I will find that my lot is truly secure.

Coming Home

2010-03-11T10:22:00.001-08:00

In my quiet time this morning, I was thinking through the story of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15), trying to see the story new and fresh. Lo and behold, I got a new thought. We always identify the father in the story with God--resist that temptation for a moment. What if all the characters in the story needed to come home, needed a second chance? We already talk about how the older son was far from home but never left the property. What if the father in this story needed to come home, too? What if he was a parent who blew it? Maybe he was a prototype for the workaholic. Maybe he was a womanizer. Maybe he was a drunk. Maybe that's why the younger son wanted out of the home so badly. There's no mention of a mother, let's imagine for a moment that she died young and the father never got over the loss which disconnected him from his sons. It wouldn't be hard to wish that kind of father dead (and in essence, that's what the younger son did by asking for his inheritance before his father died).

Perhaps the younger son's leaving was just the catalyst that the father needed to begin his own journey home. Perhaps that's why he longed and looked for his return. Perhaps that was the impetus for the joyous reunion. The father now, having already had his own season of repenting had been practicing his own line to deliver to the son--maybe that's why the son was never able to get his out.

Thinking this way also explains the older brother and his reaction. It also adds to the potential reunion between that son and the father, too.

I'm just thinking out loud and have much more reflecting to do...would love to get your reaction...

Lent Day 4: Mindfulness

2010-02-20T18:27:00.001-08:00

“It’s one less thing I have to think about.” That’s that advertising strategy now for a fabric softener that you attach to the wall of your dryer. Come to think of it, it’s the same concept as a birth control contraceptive, denture adhesive, and toilet paper rolls with three times the paper so that you don’t have to change the roll as often. Where’s it all going to end?

More important to me than when this could end is what this trend seems to be indicative of—what does it say about us? Is taking our medication everyday really that big a hardship? Is it really so hard to remember to grab a dryer sheet for the dryer? Are we that lazy, busy, or distracted that we have to have so much more paper on hand to make sure our behinds get cleaned?

Here’s an old-fashioned word for you: mindfulness. It seems old-fashioned because it’s really quite out of fashion to act, think, and behave in a mind-full manner. We aren’t mind-full of what we eat when we eat. We’re usually stuffing our faces at our desks, in front of the TV, or while we drive down the road. Most people can’t remember the last time they sat as a family and enjoyed a meal with conversation—they probably can’t even tell you what they ate for dinner. This lack of mindfulness results in our overeating which only adds to the overwhelming battle of the bulge plaguing our society.

Our language is just as concerning. We speak without realizing what we’re saying to whom and where. I’ve taught job skill classes to folks who are completely unaware of their use of expletives as adjectives. When you ask them what they said they can’t tell you. There’s no sense of the inappropriateness of certain conversations in front of different people or in different places.

Lack of mindfulness doesn’t stop there. I believe it’s a serious problem for us as believers. How many times have you gone to worship with a multitude of things vying for our attention, only to leave and be unable to answer basic questions about the morning message. We give way to any number of distractions rather than focusing our hearts and minds on the matters that ultimately matter.

Do you realize that God is mindful of you? The Psalmist marvels at this as he asks the question: what is man that you are mindful of him? (Psalm 8) We’re told in the New Testament that God knows exactly how many hairs are on each of our heads. Imagine that. Nothing happens to us that catches him unaware. He doesn’t need a sticky note to be reminded to meet our need. We are never an item that is crossed off his To Do List. How is it that we think we can operate less mindfully of Him?

I believe the Word gives us two means for living more intentionally and mindfully. First, Jesus taught his followers the key is what we seek first. “Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things (the stuff of life and living—including dryer sheets) will be added unto you. (Matthew 6:33) We don’t need one less thing to think about spiritually, we need to think about putting the right thing first. We are also to: 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. (Hebrews 12:2-3) Consider him, be mindful of him, so that you will not grow weary, lose heart, or become spiritually lazy.

Do you really need one less thing to think about or do you need to getting your thinking prioritized? There’s an old hymn that might make the process a little easier: Turn your eyes upon Jesus…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QR0LiRiz4l4

Lent Day 3: Sacrifice of Praise

2010-02-19T18:03:00.001-08:00

“And you’ll need to reduce your daily caffeine consumption—probably in half.” These were some of the words I heard this week. Not easy words to swallow. I think I’ll be good to go decaf on my tea (hot and cold), but I have yet to find a decaf coffee that tastes good to me. It wasn’t difficult to give up caffeinated pop, which resulted in giving it up practically all together. That was a logical choice after I took the time to consider the amount of sugar and sodium in a can of pop. It was such an easy “sacrifice” that I sometimes wonder if it was a true sacrifice. Is something that easy really a sacrifice?

Now I am faced with a different type of dilemma. Caffeine is having a negative and unhealthy effect on my heart. It’s no longer a recommendation that I consider. I am being told I need to give it up. There’s a period at the end of that sentence, not a comma followed by another option. The doctor wasn’t making a suggestion. He was just telling me to do it. No “how”, just “do.”

I shared this with my ladies at Curves. They, of course, had many suggestions on how to accomplish this. A few decided to remind me that I shouldn’t just address my tea and coffee intake, but that I also needed to factor in the chocolate I eat. I could have gone all day without thinking about that. Many offered the thought that I could probably justify eating a small square of dark chocolate every other day or so. Who were they kidding? Small amount and chocolate never occupy the same sentence or action of consumption for me. It’s definitely time to rethink life as I know it.

Thinking about this I began to consider the irony that this new way of life should come during the season of Lent, the time when we focus on sacrifice. One might actually hear a chuckle coming from the throne room of heaven. Does God want me to give something up in a temporary act of sacrifice or does He want me to think about a whole new way of living? The scales seem to be tipping in favor of the latter.

As I sat reflecting on this new dietary direction for my life, I began to think about what sacrifice God might be wanting from me. A phrase from scripture came to mind: sacrifice of praise. Immediately I was humming the chorus, “We bring the sacrifice of praise into the house of the Lord.” But where did that come from and what does it mean?

In Hebrews 13 we are instructed to bring our sacrifice of praise. Here are those verses in a couple different translations. Read them through slowly and let God speak to you.

15 Therefore, let us offer through Jesus a continual sacrifice of praise to God, proclaiming our allegiance to his name. 16 And don’t forget to do good and to share with those in need. These are the sacrifices that please God. (New Living Translation)

13-15So let's go outside, where Jesus is, where the action is—not trying to be privileged insiders, but taking our share in the abuse of Jesus. This "insider world" is not our home. We have our eyes peeled for the City about to come. Let's take our place outside with Jesus, no longer pouring out the sacrificial blood of animals but pouring out sacrificial praises from our lips to God in Jesus' name. (The Message)

Accomplishing what is required in these verses is going to require a spiritual lifestyle change. And like what the doctor is requiring of me for my heart’s sake, there is no option, no comma, just the clear instruction to do it. This is not a flippant or easy giving up for forty days, this is a radical rethinking of how I live. How will you respond?

Lent Day 2: Salt

2010-02-18T18:25:00.000-08:00

How much salt have you had today? I had an appointment with a cardiologist this week. One part of our discussion focused on my high blood pressure. Next week I’ll have a stress test and after that we’ll discuss medication. Thinking about this got me to thinking about how much salt, sodium, I’ve been consuming. It also got me to thinking about Jesus’ teaching that the disciples were the salt of the earth.

Have you given much thought to how salty you were today? I have always attributed being salt to adding flavor (zest) to life, or being a preserver of what is good and right. It has also been suggested that a person who is worth their salt (by the way, that’s where we get our word salary from) is someone who can be counted upon. This concept, in particular, seems to ring true when you consider that Jesus
goes on to ask, “What good is salt that has lost its saltiness?”

Have you ever considered that being dependable is a sacrifice? Are you willing to make that sacrifice? I’m not suggesting that we be a doormat for the world to take advantage of, but it is important that we can be counted on—otherwise, we’re only good for throwing underfoot. I’m just not ready to be trampled on, how about you?

One of the other things that has always that stood out to me was the way Jesus TOLD them they were salt. He didn’t suggest it. He didn’t tell them that they were going to grow into being salt someday. They were salt. It was as if Jesus was saying, “This is what you are—what are you going to do about it?” Will you be what you were created to be?

While I was typing this Asher came in the office. I was reading my writing out loud. He heard me say that Jesus said we are salt. He wanted to know what that meant. So as best I could I tried to explain it to him. He decided he didn’t want to be salt. There are a lot of folks like Asher who just seem to have opted out of being who they were created to be. Sadly, some of those folks are hanging around the Body, the Church. They grumble about a lot of things, including that they don’t feel like the Church, the Body, does anything for them.

The more I thought about this the more I started to laugh. It seemed to me that this kind of thinking would be like eating French fries, popcorn, or potato chips so that my salt would taste good. It’s not the other stuff of life or other people who are to make us appreciate our saltiness. We need to get it right: the world is in need of our saltiness. So how about you? Can your corner of the world count on you to bring all the qualities of healing, preserving, seasoning, that are attributed to salt? Will you be who you were created to be or just be tossed aside? Consider Peterson’s translation of this verse in The Message: 13"Let me tell you why you are here. You're here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness? You've lost your usefulness and will end up in the garbage. (Matthew 5:13).

Lent Day 1: Honesty

2010-02-17T16:48:00.001-08:00

“Mema, I need scissors to get crayon out of my tooth.” This is how the conversation started with my grandson. I took him to the bathroom to get one of his floss sticks. And then I asked, “Asher, how did crayon get in your tooth?” He replied without missing a beat and with complete candor: “I was coloring and it just got in there.” I assured him that I was pretty sure that the crayon did not “just get” into his mouth.

The problem is as old as Adam. When confronted by God about the apple cores lying on the ground,
Adam had the audacity to blame God: “That woman you gave me…” It is so hard to accept personal responsibility for what happens. It’s much easier to blame everyone else. A woman burns her mouth drinking hot coffee and sues the company for making the coffee hot instead owning up that she probably shouldn’t have been trying to drink it while she was driving.

I was reminded of this not long ago while I was watching a basketball game. One of the giants on the court committed a foul so flagrant that even a novice like me could call it, but instead of raising his hand (like we were taught to do in school when you committed a foul), he ran to the ref and in an animated fashion began loudly (and with multiple expletives) arguing his case for innocence. No one including the ref was buying the argument. It was almost as believable as a crayon jumping into your mouth.

In 2002, Nelson and I had to declare bankruptcy after I lost my jobs and his restaurants closed. As we met with our attorney (who was also a court magistrate in our county), we were discussing my legal situation. She asked me a question that absolutely floored me. With all seriousness, she asked why in the world I turned myself in, why didn’t I just lie about it—no one would have ever known. No one but me. No one but God.

So here we are at the beginning of Lent. Let’s start by being honest. Let’s own up to our mess ups. Let’s not blame others. Let’s give up hiding. Raise your hand. Own your behavior. The old timers call it confession. The Word tells us: 8If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 9If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:8-9, NIV) I just have to believe we will all feel better with a little less crayon in our teeth.

Lenten Journey

2010-02-11T10:56:00.001-08:00

I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been distracted by all the snow, or battling illness or one sort or another, but I was floored the other day when I realized that Lent begins next Wednesday. For me the season of preparation for the celebration of the sacrifice and wonder of our Savior’s death and resurrection takes thought and time. In the past I have given much prayer and meditation to what should be the focus of my Lenten preparation. I seek God’s leading rather than my interest so that the experience can have greater impact and I’ll be more able to follow through. The old days of giving up chocolate have lost their spiritual power for me.

So when I opened my email and found something from Christianity Today about Lent I decided to take the time to see what was there. I’m very glad I did. Here are two quotes that really struck a chord with me:

We don't have the perspective needed to choose the things that will really change us. (Deep down, we may not even want to change. I like to say, "Everyone wants to be transformed, but nobody wants to change.")

Without the observance of Lent, and Holy Week in particular, Easter Sunday fails to keep in proper balance the Cross and the Resurrection as the two main New Testament paradigms for the Christian life. The dominant paradigm for Christian discipleship this side of heaven is "sharing in his sufferings" (Phil. 3:10).

(Source: Steven R. Harmon, author of Ecumenism Means You, Too, Frederica Mathewes-Green, the author of The Jesus Prayer, and Michael Horton, author of The Gospel-Driven Life, suggest why Christians should care about Lent.)

The first thing I noticed was the truth that we don’t know or have the proper perspective. Does that bristle anything in you? In the evangelical mainstream, we tend to think that we know what’s best for us spiritually. We shun the suggestion that we might actually gain from an outside source. And goodness knows, we don’t think we need an intermediary. The problem with that is that while we may think we know what we need, if we’d do the honest soul exploring, we’d see that we most often fall short when it comes to spiritual depth. This is probably due to the second part of that quote. We know we want to and definitely need to be transformed (Romans 12:1), but we are usually quite comfortable with the way things are, so the hard work of change never gets done.

Observance of Lent, or Advent for that matter, involves discipline. I don’t know about you, but I’m not very good at the “d” word. Whether it has to do with my latest commitment to living healthy, keeping my house clean, or developing a writing habit, I just think sometimes that I was born without the discipline bone in my body. Perhaps that is partly why I have always struggled with making it the whole forty days without eating chocolate, or drinking pop, or watching TV less. I have often wanted to fall back on “the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.” Truth be told, I just haven’t been convinced enough to make the commitment and do the hard work to change. Bottom line: I’m just spiritually lazy.

Then I read the second quote and I get another insight into my reluctance to change. People who sign on to suffer are generally considered to have some type of mental problem. When I read the Philippian passage, I can get excited about wanting to know Christ more. I’m right with Paul until he has to throw in the part about “sharing in his sufferings.” I am all about the power of the resurrection! I love celebrating the triumph. Easter morning is a wonderful time. Jesus won! We win, too! It reminds me of how I love to celebrate the gift of Christmas, but I forget how much it cost to give the gift.

Knowing these things about myself, knowing how my heart yearns for greater depth, I am now challenged to bring heart, soul, mind, and strength into focus. As I started meditating and contemplating, I began to formulate some questions. What will change me, not just challenge me for forty days? What can I do to redeem the suffering of my Lord and Savior? How will I specifically join him in the work of extending grace to others? This was not a comfortable process. I began to see that if I was going to be serious about this, I was going to have to get used to being uncomfortable.

There’s a phrase in the gospel that described how Jesus moved into and prepared for the suffering that was ahead. It said that Jesus set his face to Jerusalem. Now while setting one’s face can involve catching a vision, greater emphasis seems to be placed on determination. (Oh great, another “d” word!) As Jesus moves toward the inevitability of what lies ahead in Jerusalem, I am comforted in the fact that he does not make this journey alone. Perhaps this is a truth that will help me in my own journey. I can go, knowing that there is one who goes with me who has already made the journey. But just as Jesus brought his closest friends in close, I can draw on the spiritual friends and mentors to assist me in the challenges and difficult moments I will face also.

I have purposely not told you what I’m going to do. Partly that’s because I don’t want to influence your choices. I just want to invite to move deeper and see where that will take you. It’s also because right now, I’m still not sure. But this I will commit to: I’m determined to figure it out. How about you?

Advent ABC's: Zechariah

2009-12-24T02:00:00.001-08:00

Read: Luke 1:5-23, and 57-64

I can relate to Zechariah. Maybe you can, too. God sent an angel who told him the plan and Zech came back with a question. Now, I'm not sure if Gabe was having a rough day, but it really seems like he over-reacted. All Zech asked was how am I going to know that this is going to happen? Could you fill in a few of the particulars? I mean really, he was going to have to go home and tell this all to Elizabeth and as happy as she might have been with the news, it would help to be able to lay the whole plan out before her.

The more I got to thinking about this, the more I got to thinking that Zech's punishment seemed a bit unfair. Think about it. Gideon went through the whole fleece thing and God never lost patience with his requests. Sarah laughed, but never lost her voice. Moses came up with every excuse under the sun and even offered a backup plan: send my brother, but God didn't punish him.

I just didn't get this until I started to think about my own journey. On more than one occasion and in more than one way, God has opted to "shut me up" so that I wouldn't get in the way of his plan. I might have really made a mess of things if I had been allowed to proceed in my own wisdom. I never cared for feeling like I was being shelved and silenced, but maybe others were enabled to listen and hear God when I wasn't talking. Not always talking has also helped me to think more. I process and ponder and listen more. I have come to a deeper experience of trust and acceptance of what is and what is probably God's greater plan.

And when the time for silence was over, Zech spoke and people listened. Zech was like an ancient E. F. Hutton. When he finally spoke again people were ready to hear what he had to say. It reminds me of a woman in the very first church I pastored. Lois had sinus cancer and much of the sinus cavity had been removed. She was still able to speak, but it was very nasal and sometimes difficult to understand. Those of us who worshipped with her knew that if she opened her mouth to speak it was because she had something weighty and poignant to share and we made a point to listen.

I wonder. On the one hand we say so much, but do we say too much? We're constantly communicating, but are we connecting? Talk is cheap because we invest so little in our words. Do we need to pay greater attention to what we need to say, words of love, encouragement, hope, and forgiveness? In an effort to make our opinion known, have we forgotten how to speak the truth in love?

When God comes with a word, my prayer is that we won't offer up our own plan instead, but that we will be more like Solomon and respond: speak Lord, for your servant is listening. When he gets done telling us what we need to know, then we'll truly have something to say!

Advent ABC's: Yet

2009-12-23T11:01:00.001-08:00

Over the years I've had lots of opportunities to lead the congregational singing during worship services. For the most part, it has been quite a blessing. Truth be told, there are however, several hymns I just hate to lead. One of the hardest hymn types for me to lead are the ones where the hymn writer struggled and stretched to make words rhyme. At times it took everything within me to maintain composure and not just burst out laughing. I find it difficult to lead the hymn "There Shall Be Showers of Blessing" for two reasons. First, a group of students set it up in the old campus chapel that during one student's senior conducting a sprinkler would come on and douse one side of the chapel. But beyond the joke, I have trouble with the greedy mentality of the song: mercy drops round us are falling, but for the showers we plead. Worse than that, is the hymn "He Never Has Failed Me Yet."

Please tell me what the writer of this hymn was thinking! Yet? In my mind that insinuates that He will. When I use "yet" in a sentence like the hymn I'm suggesting that I haven't done something but I will get to it. I suppose "He's not going to fail me ever" didn't fit well with the rhythm, but the theology just disturbs me.

I know that I have failed him--more times than I care to count. In spite of that He remains ever faithful and ever true to His word. I love the phrase "And God is faithful." It is used at least three times in scripture. The hymn writer knows it, too. He declares in the chorus of the song: I have proven Him true. What He says He will do." I wish he had just stopped there.

There are so many people walking around trying to live victorious lives of faith, but victory seems to be just beyond their reach. Their spirits never seem to be at peace because they're always waiting for the "yet", for the time when God is going to disappoint them, when He will let them down. Where does that thinking come from?

My husband, with the best intentions at heart, has created a situation in our home with our grandson. For well over a year now, he has given Asher a gift every day after work. Usually it was a matchbox car. At first we all delighted to see the pure joy Asher had pulling a car out of Pepa's pocket. Recently, there has been less joy and delight. Asher has developed a sense of entitlement. Nelson is barely in the door and Asher wants his toy and he is tenacious in his pursuit. If Nelson tries to substitute a different type of toy, there is typically an ungrateful response.

Beth talked to me, I talked to Nelson, and then we all talked together. It's going to probably be unpleasant for a while, but there will no longer be daily gifts. There may be weekly items, but they will have to be earned. For a while Asher may feel like Pepa is mean and cruel, and that he has failed him. But we all know better.

I'm wondering if a similar thing has transpired between us and our Heavenly Father. Why is it that we feel that God has let us down when life doesn't go the way we want or plan? Scripture tells us there is a way which seems right to us, but leads to destruction. Why can't we trust the God who created the universe, whose thinking and ways are not locked into a linear pattern? He knows the plans he has for us and they are plans to prosper us and to provide us with a future.

Go to the word. Check out some of the promises. Look at your life. As you consider your journey, can you see how his hand has provided? Can you see that he has proven true? There is no yet to add to that. He is who he says he is. He does what he says he will do. Quit looking for the yet and trust him. Now and forever more. And don't ask me to lead that hymn, okay?

Advent ABC's: Xtravagant

2009-12-22T14:11:00.000-08:00

Imagine going to a home where both the husband and wife are successful, recognized, and respected doctors. Do you have a mental image?

Recently I had the opportunity to do that with a friend from high school. She and I were traveling from Ohio to Michigan to have a little reunion with another classmate from high school. I tried to imagine what I was going to find. I was battling with feelings of intimidation all the way there.

Driving up to their home, I was surprised by its simplicity. Nothing on the outside screamed of money, or pride, or extravagance. When we were invited in and given the “tour” I felt so welcomed. It was a lovely home, inviting and warm. It was beautifully decorated in its simplicity. The only room my friend claims to have “decorated” is a small half bath. And it is precious. The only extravagance I saw, and
I’m sure my husband wouldn’t see it as such, was the amazing sixty inch stove in the kitchen.

We had a wonderful visit. And as all good visits do, it ended much too soon. On the way home I chatted with my friend, but I was also carrying on an inner conversation with God. The clearest thing I heard was that extravagance needs to be on the inside—in our spirit. Just as it is with Him.

I spoke at a banquet not long ago and I shared that my least favorite question of the season is: “So, are you ready for Christmas?” The question begs at what things are still on your to do list, things like shopping and baking. I think the question misses the whole point of Christmas, what Christmas really is. Christmas is about God so lavishly loving the world that he gave his one and only son so that you and I might have life. And he didn’t come with fancy wrapping or trays of cookies.

My husband has always been the kind of person to buy extravagantly. Let’s just tell it like it is: he goes overboard. But it’s the way he is. He has no moderation button. He loves all out. And I really love that about him.

When I was thinking about this, I was reminded of the story Jesus tells: Sitting across from the offering box, he was observing how the crowd tossed money in for the collection. Many of the rich were making large contributions. One poor widow came up and put in two small coins—a measly two cents. Jesus called his disciples over and said, "The truth is that this poor widow gave more to the collection than all the others put together. All the others gave what they'll never miss; she gave extravagantly what she couldn't afford—she gave her all."Mark 12:40-42

That’s what we have to be ready to do. You know what’s really cool about my friends the doctors in Michigan? I think they’ve really figured out how to love that way. I may not be able to give a lot of gifts, but I can give my all whenever and wherever I can. Are you ready to be that ready?

Advent ABC's: Wonder

2009-12-21T13:48:00.001-08:00

1. I wonder as I wander out under the sky,
How Jesus the Savior did come for to die.
For poor on'ry people like you and like I...
I wonder as I wander out under the sky.
2. When Mary birthed Jesus 'twas in a cow's stall,
With wise men and farmers and shepherds and all.
But high from God's heaven a star's light did fall,
And the promise of ages it then did recall.
3. If Jesus had wanted for any wee thing,
A star in the sky, or a bird on the wing,
Or all of God's angels in heav'n for to sing,
He surely could have it, 'cause he was the King.

Now I have to admit this truly made me “wonder” a bit. This is one of my favorite renditions of this song. I really enjoy listening to Barbara Streisand, but how does a very Jewish girl sing with such passion about the Messiah?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lXZM0F30vQI

Then I found this one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Nuv1YYVK6Q

Whenever I used to start a conversation with “I wonder…” I was always told to be careful, if I wondered too far I’d get lost. Maybe getting lost in a little wonder wouldn’t be such a bad thing. I live with two cats and my almost four year old grandson is with us nearly every day. I am surrounded by constant wonder, curiosity and amazement.

It makes me sad that there is so little wonder. Everything is “amazing” or “awesome” and therefore nothing really seems to be. What makes you go “WOW!” clear down to your toes? What takes your breath away? What causes you to shake your head when you try to make sense of it? The Christmas story does that for me.

After 400 years of silence, of wondering where God was, he burst onto the scene in the most amazing and unexpected way. A baby, a manger, a carpenter, a teenage girl in a small town. Go figure. Go wonder.

Advent ABC's: Vision

2009-12-20T14:23:00.001-08:00

Where there is no vision, the people perish. Proverbs 29:18

Early in my first pastorate I was told a story about a church that died. As the last few faithful were cleaning out the building they came upon an old plaque that appeared to have been made during VBS. Someone had picked the proverb about vision from above and glued macaroni letters onto a board and spray painted them gold. The child’s art project was very telling, perhaps even foretelling. On this dusty plaque, ignored and hidden, the message read: here there is no vision, the people perish. The meaning for changed, but true, with the loss of one letter.

Recently my friend Heidi handed me a book and told me I had to read it. There was such passion and sincerity in her words I couldn’t not comply. I want to buy a case and hand it out to everyone. The book is by Donald Miller and is entitled: “A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, What I Learned While Editing My Life.” I can’t afford to go buy a case so when you get your Barnes and Noble gift cards get your very own or check it out of the library. He’s a little rough around the edges, but I get what he’s saying. Here’s something I read today:

I was watching the movie “Star Wars” recently and wondered what made that movie so good. Of course, there are a thousand reasons. But I also noticed that if I paused the DVD on any frame, I could point toward any major character and say exactly what that person wanted. No character had a vague ambition. It made me wonder if the reasons our lives seem so muddled is because we keep walking into scenes in which we, along with the people around us, have no clear idea what we want. (p. 113)

As I was thinking on these things, the wondering that seemed to bubble up in me was this: have you allowed God to give you a vision? Do you know what you want? What he wants for you? What he wants to do in you and through you? Don’t be like the people at the church and perish for a lack of a “w”…for lack of vision.

Advent ABC's: Undoing

2009-12-19T17:16:00.000-08:00

7 A fool's mouth is his undoing, and his lips are a snare to his soul. Proverbs 18:7

5Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. James 3:5-6

18Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. 19This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence. 1 John 3:18-19

I think out loud. It’s not good. I mean it works okay, but it is not without its difficulties. I end up apologizing a lot because the things I say haven’t been processed or fine tuned. It reminds me of a saying I must have heard a bazillion times from my dad: Engage brain before opening mouth. It was great advice, but really hard for someone with my personality and tendencies.

The word from John’s epistle seems to be a partial antidote to the problem. If we depend on our mouths and words to convince people that they are loved and treasured, we’re going to be sadly disappointed and a big disappointment. We need to balance and back up our words with actions. It really is true that people can’t hear what we’re saying because of what we’re doing.

It is also true that when our actions negate our words we have a problem. People are watching us for consistency and integrity. These are the currency of love. Will we take the time to invest or spend thoughtlessly?

As we move more deeply into holiday times and family gatherings, my prayer is that we will be more conscious of the words we speak, the actions that we share, and the love we want to communicate. God could have just told us his plan, but instead: God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. (Romans 5:8)

Advent ABC's: Treasured Possession

2009-12-18T17:16:00.000-08:00

17 You have declared this day that the LORD is your God and that you will walk in his ways, that you will keep his decrees, commands and laws, and that you will obey him. 18 And the LORD has declared this day that you are his people, his treasured possession as he promised, and that you are to keep all his commands. 19 He has declared that he will set you in praise, fame and honor high above all the nations he has made and that you will be a people holy to the LORD your God, as he promised. (Deuteronomy 26:17-19, NIV)

What is your treasured possession? I asked my husband that yesterday as I was preparing to write this. He took several minutes to think about his answer. It was a thoughtful answer. It was an object, lovingly created, and generously given. I’m still trying to decide.

When I was in High School Values Clarification was quite popular. I vividly remember being in a group and being asked what three items I would grab to take with me if I was escaping from my house that was burning to the ground. I’m pretty sure that one of my grabbed items was my guitar (a scratched up 6 string I bought from my friend Dave Crosby for $25), my Bible (given to me by one of the most influential people in the development of my faith, Carol Held) was another, and it’s toss up as to what the third may have been—after all, it was nearly 40 years ago!

Is it hard for you to imagine that you are God’s treasured possession? It’s true. It’s what makes this Christmas thing possible. It’s what gives it meaning.

Perhaps the whole, “God loves you” thing is easy for you to grasp. I have to admit I envy you a bit if that’s the case. It took landing in a most unlovable place and having my husband, children, and friends still love me to finally get through to me.

God so loved…he gave. If His house was on fire, he would be sure to grab you.

Advent ABC's: Sing

2009-12-17T08:36:00.001-08:00

1 Sing a new song to the LORD! Let the whole earth sing to the LORD! Psalm 96:1

40"I tell you," he replied, "if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out." Luke 19:40

This fall I had the really neat opportunity to reconnect with some old friends and make some new friends. It really left me feeling quite blessed. I was especially touched to have the opportunity to be in a worship service where one of my new friends “sang.” And she was so good, she did it without even opening her mouth. She sang with her hands. She’s an interpreter for the deaf community. And to say that she sings with her hands is to so minimize the beauty she brings to a song with her entire being.

Near the end of the weekend retreat we shared, I was able to tell her how much I appreciate and was moved by the way she “sang.” Several people around her agreed that it was special and how much we treasured her “voice.” She shared that she was indeed not much of a vocalist, but loved to sign. And, as you can imagine, the whole thing got me thinking.

In historical Advent practice, the traditional carols are not sung until the third Sunday. The point of Advent is to prepare and to jump right into Caroling and singing Christmas songs can cause us to miss out on some of the symbolism, ritual, and meaning of the season. To start singing “Joy to the World” on the first Sunday of Advent is like opening the presents before your parents get up on Christmas morning. We can keep saying that Jesus is the reason for the season, but if we don’t take time to seek him and listen for the message from the Angels and Shepherds, we miss the point.

Just for the record, I’m not a Scrooge or Grinch. I think we need to sing. I think we just need to know why and what we are singing. Angel choirs sang to announce Jesus birth. Then the crowd sang and lauded him as he rode “triumphantly” into Jerusalem right before he died. When the Pharisees wanted Jesus to hush the crowd then, he told them that if the people were silenced the stones would cry out. There’s just something natural about singing and Jesus, and singing about Jesus our Lord and King.

Now you may not feel like much of a vocalist, but you do have a voice and you need to use it to sing praise to the Lord of all the earth. Don’t let the stones steal your solo. What song will you sing for the new born King?

Advent ABC's: React

2009-12-16T17:46:00.001-08:00

I tend to react. It’s not necessarily a trait I’m proud of. Oh, I know how to put a positive spin on it by saying I’m always alert and ready, flexible and changeable. Truth be told, reacting is the less disciplined and less responsible way to handle life. I also rehearse. I go over conversations in my head. I practice responses. I think about how I want to say something. I try to be ready with the witty answer. Chances are, though, in the moment, I’ll just react.

I was thinking about this today while reading Donald Miller’s book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. I’m only halfway through the book and I want to buy a case and hand them out. As he was writing about the story we write with our lives, I thought about something I wrote recently about my Myers-Briggs Type. I’m an ENFP. Today I was thinking about how I have lived in to the FP parts of my personality. By depending on my feelings to make my judgments, I avoid having to think deeply on anything. Being all out there and unplanned, I avoid having to develop discipline.

So what do I do with this self-awareness? At nearly 53 years into this journey, I don’t think I’m going to change these things about myself, I can move towards a more balanced and developed personality. I draw great hope and comfort from Paul’s words to the Philippians: And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. (1:6, NLT)

My story isn’t done. Neither is yours. His work in and us and through isn’t done either. How will you let him develop you? How will you let him write in you and through you into the lives of others? I wonder how you will react to this…

Advent ABC's: Quiet Life

2009-12-15T16:34:00.001-08:00

I will probably never be accused of being quiet. It was one of the things that really bothered my dad. He was always telling me to turn down my volume. He made a point to remind me to be quieter whenever I went out or to someone’s home. I laugh loud. I talk loud. I am just loud. So it was really hard for me to grasp what Paul was saying to the Thessalonians: 11 Make it your goal to live a quiet life (4:11, NLT). In terms of Myers-Briggs, I’m an ENFJ. I have ADD. So I’m an extrovert, who thinks out loud, and acts impulsively. How am I supposed to live a quiet life?

Just as shalom, peace, is not merely the absence of conflict, quiet is more than just the absence of noise. In a small but insightful book, “Nurturing Silence in a Noisy Heart”, Dr. Wayne Oates points out that the noise of daily life can keep one from listening to, and attending to, the whispers which are truly important. Ken Gire picks up on the same theme in his book on the reflective life: “The reflective life is a life that is attentive, receptive, and responsive to what God is doing in us and around us (p. 11, The Reflective Life).”

Keeping those thoughts in mind, I can begin to believe that a quiet life is achievable for even me. It also reminds me of one of my favorite parts of the Christmas story. Having just delivered the baby Jesus, laying in a stable surrounded by shepherds, being serenaded by angels, Mary held it all as treasure and pondered them in her heart. Mary demonstrated the reflective and quiet life. Will we be attentive and reflective or busy and noisy? The quiet life awaits.

Advent ABC's: Overcoming

2009-12-13T04:26:00.001-08:00

Are you an over or under achiever? Are you an over or under comer? Okay, I know that you won’t find undercomer in the dictionary—there’s a red squiggly line under it right now as I type. But for the moment let’s pretend there is, because if we can OVERcome then there must be some who UNDERcome.

In John’s first epistle he writes: 3 In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, 4 for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. 5 Who is it that overcomes the world? Only the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God. (1 John 5:3-5, TNIV)

Gravity is a good thing. It holds onto us and keeps our things in place. It is a little frustrating as I get older that it seems to be pulling things down and I will never understand how the throw rugs move all on their own—but I digress. It also seems that there is another force that pulls us further into this world and it is not good. This force seems able to detect the weakest points of our resolve and character, and draws us into all sorts of evil and destruction. It is this later force that seeks to make us undercomers.

In his final teachings and words to the disciples, Jesus tells them this: 33 I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33, NLT) It’s a good verse, but it only implies what I want Jesus to say, nay shout quite clearly: you can be an overcomer, too! But he doesn’t. And why not?

This overcoming business is pretty tricky. I’ve seen in others, and personally experienced in myself, that when I have times of victory they can often go to my head. Truth be told, those victories can sometimes create a Superme attitude. At those times I take on too much and I become “overzealous.” The down side is that I’ve also seen spiritual or moral failure result in “Poor me” syndrome which leads to undercoming.

So I looked again at Jesus’ words as recorded in John, it occurred to me that perhaps I can pack my super cape away. What I really need is to just face each situation, each trial or sorrow, all the good and bad, one by one with Jesus by my side. I will be an overcomer when I come over in faith to him and allow him to guide me each step of the way.

Advent ABC's: Neglect

2009-12-12T17:16:00.001-08:00

I just dusted and cobwebbed my house. I had to do that or I wouldn’t have been able to write today’s thought. Today is N. And the word that jumped off the page of my concordance at me was neglect. Ugh. Right before I looked at the concordance I was sitting at my desk scanning my bookshelf. My eyes came upon my copy of the “One Year Devotional Bible.” (Insert defeated sigh and shoulder shrug.) More neglect.

At my suggestion, our Curves is going to be open on New Year’s Day. I wanted to start the year right! I want to help our members set real goals that they can keep through the year. I want them to get to the end of the year and be amazed at how they didn’t forget, how they were able to achieve, and how good they feel about it all. Now, I know what that means: Tina is going to be doing a lot of work. My N word for the year will probably be NAG. I know if I don’t stay on them, they will likely forget their goals.

As I was running the duster around my house, pulling down more cobwebs than I care to own up to, I was wondering why God doesn’t nag? Why doesn’t he “get on us” more? Shouldn’t that be the job of the Holy Spirit? But I quickly repented of that way of thinking: nobody likes a nag. So how do we avoid spiritual neglect?

I closed my eyes and envisioned all my friends coming to my house and the cobwebs hung as thick as moss on the trees in South Carolina. It was so heavy and I was so terribly embarrassed. Thankfully, I’ve done better at keeping my house clean, but somehow those webs just develop. I have to stay on top, stay ahead of them.

Spiritually, it’s not so different. As I pondered how I would do better in the battle against neglect, I was reminded of the writer of Hebrew encouraging words: 1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us (Hebrews 12:1, NIV). The antidote to neglect is perseverance.

I remember early on in my years of sermon prep that I came across the difference between perseverance and endurance. The key difference is one of position. When you endure, it’s like having your shoulder to the stone; like you’re always under something. To persevere, on the other hand, is to be ahead. A second component is attitude. Perseverance’s attitude is positive and empowered, while endurance is weighted and fearful.

Scripture has some pretty scary things to say in warning us about neglecting our salvation, neglecting the needs of others, neglecting our relationships. We need to work at look at these things, including our spiritual life, from a more perseverance mindset. We can’t be afraid or weighted down, we need to
be empowered and out ahead.

So what have you been neglecting? Who? My house is pretty much cobweb free and I even dusted off that devotion to get it ready for next year. How about you?

Advent ABC's: Myrrh

2009-12-11T16:15:00.001-08:00

I googled: What are the most popular baby shower gifts, and this is what one site suggested:
Bouncy Seat
Baby monitor
Bedding
Baby sling
Activity gym
Bath kit
Library of children books
Out-and-about Kit
Sleep Kit
Set up a group of meal providers

And here I thought it was disposable diapers.

Any way you look at it, myrrh would probably not be on anybody’s 10 ten list! Someone suggested that if the gifts had come from Three Wise Women instead of Three Wise Men, the gifts would have been way more practical! Gold and frankincense were less likely to be questioned, but myrrh? Why would you give a new mother the equivalent of embalming fluid as a baby gift?

There are those who suggest that Jesus lived his whole life with the end in mind. Imagine how he must have felt coming into the carpenter shop to work with his Dad Joe. Carpenters didn’t just fashion furniture, there was pretty good money to be had for making coffins and crosses. Imagine Jesus fashioning a cross.

What can we learn from Jesus in this matter of living with the end in mind? What difference would it make in our everyday decisions and how we set our goals? If we thought the words we said to someone were the last words we would say, would be the last words someone would remember, would we speak more kindly, more directly, more honestly?

Advent ABC's: Luck

2009-12-10T17:32:00.001-08:00

During my years of pastoral ministry, I had the privilege of working as assistant pastor to an extremely gifted man, Lester Clark. I learned so much from him. One of the things that shapes who I am and how I function can be directly attributed to Pastor Clark’s teaching. He didn’t believe in luck. He was so convinced on this matter that he didn’t call carry-in dinners Pot Lucks, he called them Pot Blessings.

Luck is defined as “a combination of circumstances, events, etc., operating by chance to bring good or ill to a person” (dictionary.com). Synonyms for luck include: happenstance, karma, and fortuitousness. For me the reason I don’t believe in luck is in the essence or definition: the idea of chance. Chance meeting. What are the chances of that happening?

If we believe in luck, then we would believe that it was fortuitous that Mary was betrothed to kind-hearted Joseph, a man who would go completely against the norm and go ahead and take her as his wife. We consider them quite fortunate for having shown up at the only inn with a stable still available and an inn keeper’s wife with a conscience when it came to sending a woman about to deliver out into the night. I don’t believe it was luck. I believe was God was working all things for good.

Another place where I don’t luck, but see God is in the ways our paths cross at just the right time with people who touch and change our lives. When I was teaching classes in my last job, I would share with the class at the outset that I didn’t know why we were together, but that I completely believe that God put us there on purpose and for a purpose. I would refer to 1 Corinthians 12:18b: God has put each part just where he wants it (NLT).

Are you feeling lucky, or blessed? How do you look at and consider the circumstances of your life? Have you missed any divine appointments lately? Have you snarled about an inconvenience or interruption recently instead of considering God was working for your good or the good of someone around you? Consider changing your perspective and don’t leave anything to chance.

Advent ABC's: Kick Against the Goad

2009-12-09T16:23:00.001-08:00

He marched into the office where Pepa and I were working on our computers. Came right over to my chair and spun me around, and proceded to climb up into my lap. He didn't say a word. He didn't have to. It's Wednesday evening at 6:30. He needed a nap. It had been the same last week, but then we had loaded into the car to head for church. I finished buckling him in and was just getting into my seat when he asked, "Would it be all right if I slept on the way?" We hadn't gone two blocks before he was fall over the seat asleep.

So tonight, with his head nestled into my shoulder, I began to rock in my chair and sing the ABC Lullaby:
Apples for babies, cats, and dogs. Elephants, foxes, giraffes and hogs. Ice cream. Jelly beans. Kangaroos and llamas. Monkey's nose. Ostrich toes. Penguins quietly race on snow. Turkey umbrellas. Violin's wings. Xylophones. Yo-yos. Zebras.

I probably sang it about ten times and I stopped to listen to his deep, rest-full breaths. Down for the count.

The ABC Lullaby is something I came up with right after the birth of our granddaughter six years ago. I sang it to her every day of her first six months. Then she and her mommy moved and started a new life. They added a baby brother to their family and he heard the song, but not nearly as much. But it was the third grandchild who has owned the song as his.

A few weeks ago, he seemed so tired and out of sorts that I pulled him onto my lap and started to sing--hoping for both our sakes that he would fall asleep. He wanted no part of it. He put his hand over my mouth to keep me from singing. He looked up and tiredly explained, "I don't want to sleep."

Isn't that just like us? We know what we need, but hold up our hand, telling loved ones and maybe even God that we really don't want it. We don't want to change. We don't want to give or forgive. We don't want move on. We don't want to try. We just can't right now. We know in our heart of hearts we really do, so why not give in, give up, go on? What song have you been fighting against hearing? What message have you tried to avoid?

Today's Advent ABC letter is K. For some reason the phrase, "Kick agains the goads" came to mind. It's not a phrase we hear or use much these days. It refers to the poke or prod that is given to move or direct cattle or donkeys. It can be pretty sharp and painful for the animal being directed, and often they will rear up or kick up against the poke.

Sometimes the pokes or prods come gently as a word from a friend, but sometimes it's more like smack upside the head. What will it take to get your attention? And will you listen, move, obey? Aren't you tired of fighting, of kicking against the goads?

Advent ABC's: Joseph

2009-12-08T17:16:00.001-08:00

I’m thinking about Joseph today. He doesn’t get near the press that Mary does. I, for one, think that’s unfair.

I wonder if Joseph grew up being reminded of ancestral namesake. Joseph who endured ridicule, prison, and completely undeserved punishment. Joseph who had the opportunity to squash his cruel brothers like bugs when they came begging for food. Joseph who firmly lived and believed: what you intended for harm, God intended for good. Joseph the great model of forgiveness.

Joseph demonstrated an amazing spiritual maturity. How hard it must have been for him to go against the norm and not send Mary away. He was righteous, but kind. He was sensitive to Mary’s situation, but it wasn’t until the angel visited him that he began to see that he had a greater role in this plan of God’s. How would we have handled the news, the whispers, God’s plan, our part if we were in Joseph’s shoes?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCYF_qtSfDA

Advent ABC's: Imitators

2009-12-07T11:19:00.000-08:00

1Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children 2and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. (Ephesians 5:1-2, NIV)

Imitations. Does that bring a good or bad image to your mind? When I think of imitations one of the first things to come to mind are the cheap, poor copies of Barbie that I had as a child. I longed for the real thing, but the closest I ever got was a Woolworth’s imitation. Recently I shared a recipe for Seafood Lasagna with a friend and it called for “imitation crab.” She asked if she could use the real thing because neither she nor her husband liked the fake stuff. They were quite happy with the results when the opted use the real thing.

Thinking of today’s admonition to imitate God fills me with a little trepidation. Over the years I’ve seen some really bad imitations and imitators. My own example is not without moments of pitiful reflection. Thankfully, the period doesn’t come after the instruction. Have you ever considered what a difference it makes to know that you are a dearly loved child, that you are loved so much that Jesus gave himself up as a sacrifice for us out of love?

Some of the poorest examples are the result of playing at something folks “know” they are supposed to get and do, but don’t really understand. It reminds me of a guy in college who when the altar call was extended went and literally crawled upon the altar. He was trying to lay his all on the altar. He didn’t understand that God was asking for his life. Fortunately, he stuck around long enough to figure it out—both for him and the many hundreds of kids he worked with as a pastor.

So as we wade deeper into this time of preparation and readying, I wonder if it wouldn’t be good to spend some time at the spiritual mirror. When you think about seeing yourself as God sees you, what do you see? How’s your IQ, your imitation quotient? It will be seen in the way that you both receive and give love.

Advent ABC's: Humble

2009-12-06T16:47:00.000-08:00

Jesus invited the weary ones to come to him, to learn from him, for he was gentle and humble. Gentleness, as we discussed yesterday, is strength under control. Jesus exhibited that strength in his incarnation. He was very God and very Man. For me, that’s like trying to comprehend the national debt: it’s just too big to wrap my brain around.

So how shall we understand Jesus’ humility? It seems to be easier to identify what humbleness is by saying what it isn’t. For sure, it isn’t arrogant or proud. Innate to humility is the attitude of serving other. Paul speaks to this issue of humility in the same passage we read yesterday: 7but [he] made himself nothing, taking the very nature[b] of a servant, being made in human likeness. 8And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death—even death on a cross! (Philippians 2:7-8)

In “Baker’s Dictionary of Theology,” the entry regarding humility uses such phrases as unselfconscious and selfless. I can’t imagine that this image did much to inspire the crowds. They were oppressed. They wanted a hero Messiah who would restore them to power and respect. Jesus wanted them to learn how to keep their strength reined in and put others first. He seems to expound on this in the teachings of the Sermon on the Mount, especially when he tells them to go the other mile and turn the other cheek.

Yet somehow this must have resonated in the hearts of those who loved and followed him. In Peterson’s “The Message” he uses a phrase in his translation of the Matthew 11 passage, “Learn the unforced rhythm of grace.” Their souls craved that rhythm. They longed for what would set them aright. They needed to get back to original plan.

Did you know that the root for our word humble and humility is humus, dirt or ground? What was it that we were created from? In Genesis 2, it says that God formed the man from the dust of the ground. Humbleness is in our DNA, Jesus came to bring us back to who and how were created. He was born as a baby, in poverty. He lived a simple life, serving others, loving others, healing others. But his ultimate demonstration of humility and obedience was his acceptance of your sin and mine as he died upon that cross.

How will you learn of him this Advent? Where will you find and share gentleness and humility?

Advent ABC's: Gentle

2009-12-05T14:00:00.001-08:00

Learn from me, for I am gentle. Jesus could have said, “Learn from me because I say so. Because I am almighty, omnipotent, omniscient, holy, wise, eternal, God. “ But he bi-passed all those for gentle.

When you think of gentle, what comes to mind? Is it a strong word or a weak one? I don’t consider it very power-full, or very masculine. I read somewhere, many years ago, that gentleness is not weakness, but in fact strength under control. The image that comes to mind for me is a man’s large strong hand. In a fit of anger it might punch a hole in the wall, but it can also tenderly hold a child.

Paul writes to the Philippians that: 5Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: 6Who, being in very nature[a] God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped. (Philippians 2:5-6) He set aside all the qualities and attributes of God and crawled into human flesh. We read of incidents during his ministry where he did not rely on his Godness. He had all the power, but he controlled it.

What could you learn from Jesus’ gentleness?

Advent ABC's: Freedom

2009-12-04T17:13:00.000-08:00

It’s an epic movie moment. Mel Gibson as William Wallace, in the movie “Braveheart”, raises his sword and calls them to unite: “They may take our lives, but they will never take our freedom.”

When you think of freedom, what comes to mind? Are you more of the patriotic ilk and you immediately think and thank those who gave their lives to protect our American way of life? Does your mind go to younger days when freedom meant an afternoon of playing outside until the street lights came on? Or do you start singing the old hymn “Glorious Freedom”? We are told that the truth will set us free. What truth and free from what? Jesus in his first recorded “sermon” read from Isaiah that the Messiah would bring freedom to the captive.

Freedom was not a new concept to the children of God. The Old Testament scriptures contain numerous references to freedom. In Psalms there is a particularly interesting verse: I will walk in freedom, for I have devoted myself to your commandments. (119:45, NLT) Freedom does not imply lack of restraints. In part, we find freedom when we live within the limitations prescribed for us.

Paul writes to the Galatians: It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. (5:1, NIV) Freedom is a precious gift from God. Nothing in this life is worth giving it up for.

Advent ABC's: Eat

2009-12-03T06:05:00.000-08:00

20 “Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends.

When I was growing up, dinner was always at 6:00PM. We were expected to be there. We were expected to eat everything on our plates. I never expected to enjoy it. My mother would cook, but never ate with us. My father sat at the head of the table and after a quick reciting of GodisgreatGodisgood;letusthankhimforourfoodAmen, he would just as quickly announce: Sit up, shut up, and eat. Little was said and that was always for the better.

During high school, I loved the times when a bunch of us would go out to eat. I loved when we would go out to places like Farrells or Elby’s. It was a treat to just sit at McDonalds and have a cocoa and apple pie. College expanded the meal time experience. The cafeteria was small then and we would go in to eat late and just sit there and drink coffee and talk and laugh long after the kitchen closed.

While I was in college I also traveled with music and ministry groups. I was utterly amazed at how people opened there homes to us and oh how they fed us. So it’s not hard to see why this invitation to eat with Jesus drew me into such a special place with him.

It must have meant a lot to those who Jesus ate with while he was here on earth ministering, too. Think about Zacchaeus. He had to climb into a tree just to catch a glimpse of Jesus, but Jesus picked him out and invited himself to Zach’s house for dinner. It was life changing for Zach. Simon the Pharisee could have quite the same experience, but he didn’t seem to be open to really sharing that meal as Jesus’ friend. Makes me sad for what he missed.

As we move further into this Advent season and prepare to receive the real Gift of Christmas this verse presses two points on my heart and mind. First, will we be able to hear or sense Jesus knocking at our door, or will we be too busy or not even at home? We wouldn’t want to miss sharing a meal with this Friend. And will we be open to sharing table with others? On Thanksgiving morning last week I was chatting with a friend online. Casually I asked what her plans were, not even imagining that she wouldn’t have any. The thought of her spending the day alone was more than I could stomach. After a little cajoling she joined us for dinner. It was pure delight to have her with us. But it made me realize that there were probably others eating alone. I won’t ever assume again that they have plans—I will ask. Won’t you?

Not every meal can be like eating at Farrells, but there’s joy to be had in the sharing of little when it’s shared with friends.

Advent ABC's: Discouragement

2009-12-02T14:52:00.000-08:00

5 Why am I discouraged?
Why is my heart so sad?
I will put my hope in God!
I will praise him again—
my Savior and 6 my God! Psalm 42:5

The words to the old gospel song ask: Why should I be discouraged? Why should the shadows come? …When Jesus is my portion, a constant friend is he. His eye is on the sparrow, and I know he watches me. I sing because I’m happy. I sing because I’m free. For his eye is on the sparrow, and I know he
watches me.

When I went to the online concordance to read what the scriptures had to say about discouragement, I was surprised by what I found. The majority of references to discourage were preceded by the phrase, “don’t be afraid.” Fear and discouragement are linked. Now I’m imagining that there are as many reasons to be discouraged as there are to be afraid. They will differ with the individual and their makeup. And I guess the connection makes sense when you consider that to be dis-couraged is to be without courage.

I also read Psalm 42 with a whole new perspective. Read verse 5 above. Read it quickly. Do not camp out at the end of the second question. That’s our tendency, isn’t it? We pitch our tent somewhere between Discouragement Village and Sadness City. But it seems to me that the writer of the Psalm wants to us to reconsider our pausing at that point. There’s no camping, no pity-me party, none of it! There is the resoluteness of the hymn writer: How can I be discouraged when Jesus is my portion? How can I be sad when my hope is in the God whose eye is ever on me? On you.

Perhaps this year has held changes that have felt way more than you could bear. Huge losses. Intense heartache. It may have seemed like you were swimming in a sea of why questions. The Psalmist doesn’t seem to wait for an answer for his why questions, he just automatically moves to hope and praise for his Savior and his God. Is it time to stop paddling in that same old pool? Is it time to surrender why to hope and praise?

Maybe you want to sing along: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mOm2mMusqUw

Advent ABC's: Camels

2009-12-01T11:56:00.001-08:00

Swallowed any camels lately? In Matthew 23, Jesus is really coming down pretty hard on the religious establishment, the Pharisees. He calls them blind guides and hypocrites more than once in the tirade. Jesus seems very concerned that they attempt to make a really good presentation, but lack the inner substance to back it up. They were majoring in the minors and leaving the camel in the middle of the room unattended…and what a mess that ended up making of things!

How many of our homes are decorated for Christmas, both inside and out, but our hearts are sorely unattended to? How many parties and functions will we go to, dressed in our holiday best, but not even considering our spiritual attire? How many gifts will be purchased to impress spouses, lovers, kids and grandkids, bosses, and friends while the greatest gift we can give to the One who deserves it most will be either ignored or stretched so thin that little would even remain to give?

I read a post online by someone recently who was going on about how much they love Advent. They love the songs, the parties, the shopping, the eats. It made my heart sad. The purpose of Advent is not to get the world around us ready for the biggest gift giving day of the year. The purpose of Advent is to reflect on the greatest gift ever given and to be sure that our hearts are ready to receive it.

The Wisemen rode camels to find Jesus. That seems a much wiser thing to do than to swallow one and miss the Master.

Advent ABC's: Bondage

2009-11-30T14:48:00.000-08:00

"For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, 'Abba, Father.'" (Rom. 8:15).

It’s a lot easier to write when I don’t envision my friends’ smirking faces as they read what I’ve written. In particular, I can see Heidi’s grin as she scans over these words. I see her face because it’s her voice I hear in my head right now. I’ve been playing back a conversation we had on Friday as we ate ice cream and sucked down several cups of coffee. “What are you so afraid of?” she asked me.

I had no answer then. I don’t have one now. What I do have is a heavy weight sitting right on my chest, squashing me, squeezing all the air out. Fear is that weight, but I don’t know what it is fear of exactly. Failure. Rejection. Pointlessness. All of the above. None of the above.

Fear is not a new companion. I have lived most of my life afraid of something. I remember the physical frozenness when I was in hospital chaplaincy training and how hard it was to make myself walk through that door. I have been so afraid of driving in weather. Fear has affected my friendships, my relationship with my husband, my job performance.

So when I started researching for today’s word, I started by doing a keyword search on bound. Nothing jumped. I switched to bind. Nope. I googled “spiritual bondage.” Getting closer. Then I pulled out my Theological Dictionary and was directed to the above scripture reference. It wasn’t until I read it a few times that one word jumped up and bit me on the nose. Again.

Chapter 7 of Romans is one of the Bible’s great wrestling matches. My other favorite is Jacob and the Angel. Anyway, in Romans 7, Paul is describing the internal wrestling match he has between doing the good he wants to do and the not-good that he ends up doing. Near the end of the match, Paul asks the question, “What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?” The answer is Romans 8:1: Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. Paul wants us to know that God has not set us free to be put into slavery, or bondage AGAIN.

In Christ Jesus we are not just set free, but we are adopted into the closest of relationships. To call God Abba is to refer to him in a dependent and loving way as would a child and with the respect that an adult has for his or her parent. It is a relationship that is completely secure and that’s what releases us from the bondage of fear.

As we wade even deeper into Advent, let us marvel at the freedom that Jesus came to offer. Let’s take time to identify and surrender our fears to him. I mean seriously, aren’t you getting tired of the wrestling match?
1. Come, thou long expected Jesus,
born to set thy people free;
from our fears and sins release us,
let us find our rest in thee.
Israel's strength and consolation,
hope of all the earth thou art;
dear desire of every nation,
joy of every longing heart.

2. Born thy people to deliver,
born a child and yet a King,
born to reign in us forever,
now thy gracious kingdom bring.
By thine own eternal spirit
rule in all our hearts alone;
by thine all sufficient merit,
raise us to thy glorious throne.

http://www.hymnsite.com/lyrics/umh196.sht

Advent ABC's: Abiding

2009-11-29T14:16:00.001-08:00

When I first thought about writing on today’s topic, I thought that I was going to write about really living into a place. This is our first holidays in our new home and the whole idea of decorating and entertaining is something I’m looking forward to. Oddly, the biblical image that came to mind was a negative one. I thought of the Prodigal Son’s older brother. He was pretty miffed when Father threw the party for the useless piece of related DNA. He went into the whole: I never left home. I’ve been loyal and you never even gave me a goat to party with my buds. He was home the whole time, but never really there.

But that’s not what I want to write about. I was thinking about abiding and I went to John’s gospel to Jesus’ words in chapter 15. I have always thought of this as the “abiding” passage, in the same way that 1 Corinthians is the love chapter, and Psalm 23 is the Shepherd Psalm. I ended up pulling out my Greek New Testament, and my Lexicons. And I found something I never noticed before.

Chapter 15 contains multiple references to abiding or remaining. We are to remain in the vine. We are to abide in his love. We are to allow his words to abide in us. The word “meno” is used throughout the New Testament and means to dwell, lodge, rest settle, endure, continue unchanged, to persevere, to be constant, to be in close and settled union. In John 15:16 Jesus uses it to refer to producing fruit that will last, that will be permanent.

Our hot water heater went out on Thanksgiving. Thankfully, it was at the end of the day after almost all the dishes had been washed and daughter was able to do all the laundry she had brought with her to dinner. Things like that happen. What made this particularly frustrating is that the hot water heater had been replaced right before we moved in here in June of this year—6 months ago. There not supposed to break down that fast. When I was sharing this event, someone was quick to remind me that fewer and fewer things are made to last these days. We live in a disposable age where the economy depends on consumers buying new instead of trying to repair.

I was also thinking about this when I sat down the other night with my grandkids to watch a Christmas program on TV. There were so many commercials geared to stir up a greedy spirit in them. Buy this new toy. Get this new upgrade. Your life won’t be complete without this gadget. I looked at my grandkids and saw their wide-eyed innocent lives being grabbed. They didn’t know what I knew, that sure it looked good, but the fascination would wane and the toy would most likely break before the day was out. It just wouldn’t last.

That may be the sad truth in the consumer world, but in the spiritual realm we need something different. We need to be about producing fruit that will last. As you move into this Advent season will you ask God to show you how to connect your life to things will last?

Z: Zarepheth

2009-11-28T16:42:00.000-08:00

(We have arrived at the end of November's ABC's. Today's Z: Zarephath is now posted. Since Advent begins tomorrow, I will be starting a daily Advent Series called "Don't Rush Me.")

Eventually the brook dried up because of the drought. Then God spoke to him: "Get up and go to Zarephath in Sidon and live there. I've instructed a woman who lives there, a widow, to feed you." 1 Kings 17:1

The “you” of the story is the prophet Elijah. Elijah has learned to listen to the voice of God and was quick to obey. But this instruction would really test his commitment. First, to go to Sidon was to truly head into enemy territory. That alone would make it a difficult assignment. The “where” he was to go paled in difficulty compared to the instruction that he was to entrust his needs to a widow. There were very strict guidelines on the care of widows and taking advantage of them was strictly forbidden. It would be hard to see God’s instruction as anything but taking advantage.

Interestingly, Zarephath means “place of refining.” Scripture seems to be full of instances where God asked what appeared to be impossible of those who were following him. Think of Abraham asked to leave home and everything familiar. He finally gets what seems to be the answer to God’s promise and the next thing he knows, God is requiring that he sacrifice his son, his only son, Isaac. Moses, a wanted killer, is required to go back to the scene of the crime. Gideon weeds out his army down to 300 and God expects him to take on an army that was more numerous than the sand on the shore. All were places and experiences of refining.

I don’t know about you, but I sometimes feel like God leaves me in Zarephath for way to long. Even in his instruction to Elijah, God gives a clue that this in not going to be an overnight experience. Elijah is told that he will live there. It reminds me of God’s instruction the Hebrews in captivity. In Jeremiah 29:3, God sends the message that they were to build homes and plan to stay. Later in that chapter he tells them that they will be in Babylon for seventy years. That’s some serious refining.

Refining, like pruning, can be a painful process. It is the end result that makes the process worthwhile. Will you trust God’s process in your life? What is he refining to make purely amazing in you?

Y: Yield

2009-11-27T03:37:00.001-08:00

Be generous: Invest in acts of charity. Charity yields high returns. Ecc. 11:1, The Message

17 But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. James 3:17, NLT

One of the most useless roads signs these days, besides a Speed Limit sign in Texas, is the Yield sign. We don’t yield well. Today is “Black Friday” and as I’m writing it is 6:27AM. My husband has already left the house to join the throngs of die-hard shoppers looking for the elusive perfect buy. Wasn’t it just last year when someone was killed in a frantic stampede to get into Wal Mart?

Here’s your challenge for today: yield. Defer to someone else’s preference. Give up your place in line. Let someone else have the last piece of pecan pie. Loving actions yield high returns. The impact for the Kingdom could last forever.

Pausing For Thanks Giving

2009-11-26T03:27:00.000-08:00

The daily note for Y is all ready, but I'm going to save it for tomorrow. One reason is that it really seems to fit better and for another, I just want to reflect on my blessings today.

Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it. ~William Arthur Ward

This is the quote I put on the board at Curves the other day. It reminded me a practice that Nelson and I have developed over the years. One of us will say something about how we were touched or impressed by someone, or how much we appreciate them, or something like that. Then the receiver of that info will look at the other and ask: so did you tell them that? This will typically result in a card, letter, email, or phone call. Take the gratitude directly to the place it needs to go.

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow. ~Melody Beattie

I was looking for the first quote when I found this one this morning and I really like it. I read lots of Thanksgiving and gratitude quotes this week and I have to put this one at the top of the list. I went through a few moments of venting frustration yesterday. I felt unappreciated and taken advantage of. After I let off some of the steam I was able to see how easy it was to get sidetracked and slip down the hill into self-pity. As soon as I shifted my vision back onto what I had and how thankful I am for it, I felt myself becoming clear and at peace. Things may not be the way I want them, but I have so much. There's no sense in whining and pining for what I don't have. What I have is more blessing than I deserve.

Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving. ~W.T. Purkiser

The irony of me using a quote by Purkiser today will be missed by most, but that's okay. The quote is good and a great springboard for me to move not just through this day but into all my tomorrows. What will you do with your blessings today?

X: xwpew

2009-11-25T06:09:00.000-08:00

Today’s letter is X. I know that some of you wondered what I was going to do at this point. I did too. There are not many words that start with x and even fewer in the Bible. I could always write on Xerxes, but I’m thinking, no.

So I pulled out my Analytical Greek Lexicon and began looking at x words there. There were many to choose from. I thought about rejoice and grace—both seemed appropriate for the day and season. Then I read a little further in the list and came upon xwpew. It is used ten times in the New Testament and it has something to do with come, or make room. Now there’s a word for the eve of Thanksgiving.

How much room have you made for people to come? Nelson invited his folks for dinner. I’m excited to have them come to our new home. He also invited a guy from work who was going to have to be home alone. Our older daughter who lives in Indiana called to ask if a friend of hers who may not have a place to go could come with her and Penelope. Asher will be with us and Beth when she gets off work. We have two dining room tables, a card table, and a fold away table we can use. And there are actually eight dining room chairs, four metal folding chairs, and at least four desk chairs we could pull to the table. There is physical space to spare!

But how much room is there in our hearts and lives for people? How welcoming is our spirit? It’s often easier to set another place than to give them a place in your heart.

As I was thinking about this and trying to formulate these thoughts a black ball of purring fur jumped into my lap and climbed into my face. Last night two cats found our front porch. They had obviously been raised around people. One was larger, black with white front mittens and white socks on his back legs. He seemed to be protecting the little black and gray tiger kitten. The tiger is one big cuddle bug who never seems to stop purring. He has been dubbed Purrkins. I actually went to the internet to research famous White Sox players to find a name for the other and he is now responding to the name Jackson (as in Shoeless Joe). Jackson took a little longer to warm up. We put them out for the night, but they were right at the door wanting in this morning. Right now, after a good pet and cuddle session, Jackson is sleeping at my feet while Purrkins is curled up in Nelson’s desk chair.

I have a feeling I’m going to learn many lessons through these two. I don’t think it’s a mistake that they ended up on my front porch. More than deciding whether I wanted to “mess” with a couple cats, I had to first decide whether I was going to let them into my heart—and into my pocket. Life is full of choices like that. People end up on our “front porches” everyday. Will we let them in? Will we find room? Our God is all about bringing people in and making room. How about you?

W: Wonder

2009-11-24T17:13:00.001-08:00

Today’s word is wonder. I sat here yesterday and watched videos about wonder. I walked around my house and sang “O, the wonder of it all.” I thought about it a lot today. When did we lose the wonder?

I remember standing at the Grand Canyon, speechless, trying to absorb the magnitude and the beauty. I held my grandson seconds after he was born. I have experienced a depth of love and forgiveness from people who could have leveled heavy justice and judgment. O, the wonder of it all.

How’s your wonder when it comes to the Christmas story? The miracles of Christmas? Can you still come to the manger with the wide-eyed wonder of a child? O, the wonder of it all.

V: Vulnerable

2009-11-23T10:35:00.001-08:00

I'm not a huge fan of showing my vulnerable side. So I was pretty happy when I seemed to get the sense from my pastor's sermon on Sunday that we were to be armed by the Spirit so that we wouldn't be vulnerable to his attacks. As the day went on, I felt a nudging by the Spirit. Perhaps you know the kind, where he lets know you've been thinking or looking at something in the wrong way. I was drawn back to a verse from our women's Bible study earlier in the week. We were at the place where Jesus was sending the disciples out on their first solo mission. According to Matthew's account, he tells them that he is sending them out as sheep among the wolves and that they are to wise as serpents and innocent as doves (see Matthew 10:5ff, especially verse 16).

What I saw in this is that being vulnerable is both and. We are to be very savvy when it comes to the attacks of the enemy. We need to be dressed fully in the protection of the Lord (see Ephesians 6:13-17). We need to take our thoughts captive or be a captive. We need to be ready to "beat feet" if need be so that we can get away.

On the other hand we are to be innocent as doves. That just seems to speak of our implicit vulnerability. We need to stay vulnerable to our brothers and sisters and to God. We need to be careful to not get so cocky in our armor that we lose touch with one another. We really do need each other. We are admonished by the writer of Hebrews that we are not to neglect meeting together and encouraging one another (Hebrews 10:25). One of the impetuses for the Wesleyan movement was John Wesley's awareness of our need for accountability.

We also need to stay vulnerable with God. That sounds so obvious, but if we were to take the time to honestly examine this area we might see how we have tended to shut God out of certain decisions, how we have attempted to maneuver through situations in our own strength, or how we have determined not to bother God with something that we deem trivial.

Two incidents immediately jump to mind as I reflect on how we struggle with the trivial, or small. Way back when I was in seminary for the first time, a classmate came to chapel and a begged us to join him in a specific prayer request. His wife had delivered their son prematurely. Things were improving for Matthew, but Jim asked us to pray that God would help Matthew drink one ounce and keep it down. The request revolutionized my prayer life. Never again would I see anything as too small for God. Fast forward to a current situation. The grown daughter of dear friends is battling with a constriction of her esophagus. She has been undergoing endoscopy procedures to stretch her esophagus. As I was praying for her I remembered little Matthew. God cared about his ability to drink one ounce--which he did, by the way! God, the God who created the universe also created microbes too small for the human eye to see unassisted. He cares about millimeters. Nothing is too small for him. Stay open and pliable, vulnerable to Him.

So are you vulnerable? I hope the answer is no and yes. I pray that you are increasing in awareness and discipline to protect yourself from the wiles of the evil one. I also pray that you keep a vulnerable, innocent and open, heart before God and your brothers and sisters in the Lord. It is when you are both that you find that you are fruitful and productive in the Lord (2 Peter 1:3-8).

U: Undivided

2009-11-22T04:40:00.001-08:00

Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. Psalm 86:11, NIV

I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh. Ezekiel 11:19, NIV

I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord. 1Corinthians 7:35, NIV

I don’t know about you, but I used to wonder why we drilled so much on math. No wait, when I drilled it was called arithmetic. I just had to use my little phrase to even help me spell the word: a rat in the house might eat the ice cream. And now there is no such thing in studies as arithmetic. But I digress.

When I would groan about spending time on my multiplication tables or working out long division, be sure to show your work, my father would always tell me that I would need it someday. Well, at that moment someday looked a long way off when all I wanted to do was go out and play. So even when it came to math I had a divided heart.

We may not think about the Divided Heart Syndrome, but we live with it every day. Our case may not be as bad as Paul’s (read Roman’s 7 for his symptom description), but we know the way it impacts us: we feel torn between what we know we should, ought, or need to do and what we want to do. This may be as simple as needing to clean out the garage but wanting to sit in front of the TV soaking in every sporting event on a Sunday, or trying to ignore the laundry so that you can sit down with a good book. Those examples probably won’t get you into too much trouble unless your wife wants to park her car in that garage. Where we really get into trouble is when these mundane choices bleed their way into our spiritual life.

I spent a lot of years chasing after perfection in my faith. I thought that if I just read enough scripture, attended enough worship services or Bible studies, prayed hard enough, and devoted myself to service I might achieve it. I really took to heart what I thought Kierkegaard’s “purity of heart is to will one thing.” But the harder I tried the more I wrestled like Paul, the thing that I wanted to do I could not and the thing I didn’t want just seemed to keep on happening. I felt so divided I must have been Humpty Dumpty’s sister.

Slowly, it began to dawn on me that perhaps that to “will one thing” was not the same as to do one thing. I started to believe that the heart of flesh that God wanted to give me wouldn’t necessarily result in a perfection of actions or maybe even attitudes, but it would result in a cleansing of my desires. David writes in Psalm 37:4 that if we will delight ourselves in Him that he will give us our heart’s desires. I no longer see this as God donning a Santa suit and filling my grown up wish list, but that he will put in my heart the desire to desire things he desires. And then, I will find the will to will one thing.

So are you feeling a bit scattered? Oddly enough, ‘tis the season. How crazy is that? In the season when we should be the most focused, we find ourselves the most out of focus. When a spirit of Thanksgiving should waltz us right to the manger , we find ourselves quick stepping all over the place.

My prayer for all of us today is that we would be willing to stop the division and allow God to place in our hearts the desire to live by a unified spirit. He does an amazing job of bringing the pieces together if we’ll let Him.

T: Theme

2009-11-21T03:42:00.001-08:00

My heart overflows with a good theme; I address my verses to the King; My tongue is the pen of a ready writer. Psalm 45:1 NASB

What is the theme of your life? Here are some definitions I found of the word theme to help you begin to think about the theme of your life:
-a unifying or dominating idea
-in music: a short melodic subject from which variations are developed.
-in linguistics: A word or phrase in a sentence, usually providing information from previous discourse or shared knowledge, that the rest of the sentence elaborates or comments on. Also called theme.

So when you look at the glass, is it half full, or half empty? Typically, I feel like my cup is overflowing. Even if I considered the glass to have “less” in it, I would find some way to see the light heartedness of the missing quantity, and be thankful for what I had. People ask me how I am and my answer is typically the same: I’m great. And even if I’m not, I am. It’s almost as if I don’t know how to be any other way. That level of optimism always seems to come out in the way I write, too. I may not always be perky. I get tired (more like weary) and discouraged sometimes, but I can’t stay there.

Do you know your themes? I did some reading about this on the internet. There’s quite a bit on there. One of the suggestions for discovering your themes is to think of two of your most favorite books. Once those are identified, look at the lead characters and consider the ways you most connect with them. If that doesn’t help, try using music or movies. Your themes will surface in the things you connect with or are drawn to.

Why would it be important to understand the themes in your life? I believe that when we can understand the things that motivate us and define us then we can operate more freely and fully. Whether we realize it or not our themes become filters for the decisions that we make. Wouldn’t it be better to know what those are and work with them instead of against them? And when we can understand the process in ourselves we will be better adept at understanding and working with the themes in our children, family, and co-workers.

Now, while some themes are just part of who we are, we can choose to add themes to our lives as well. I was thinking about this as I was contemplating the quickly arriving New Year and the dreaded process of making resolutions. What if instead of making a list of promised do’s and don’ts for 2010 we spent some of our quiet time allowing the Spirit to bring a theme to the surface that could serve as a guide for our decisions and relationships? Write it on a card, cross-stitch it, put it on your computer wallpaper, place it wherever you need to so that you will be reminded of that theme. Then when you have a tough decision to make you can be reminded, when relationships are stalled or strained, when you want to give up or give in, you will find renewed strength, hope, determination, or peace to get you through. It sure sounds like something that could stick with us beyond the first week of January.

Many years ago I tried this and my word was contentment. I wasn’t sure I liked all the implications, but I trusted when it came to me that I needed to heed it. It was a rough year that resulted in many personal sacrifices, but with each one I was able to come through with a deeper sense of peace and trusting . I’ve been praying for a theme for next year. I’m starting to see what it may be. I’m excited and challenged. Do you know your themes? What theme will guide you for the future?

S: Satisfied

2009-11-20T07:26:00.000-08:00

I remember being asked, quite sarcastically when I was younger, “Are you satisfied now?” Typically the question came when I was being perceived as annoying and it often resulted in my mother crying or becoming enraged. Being satisfied, then, was never a good thing.

So it was pretty amazing when I was in seminary and studying the Beatitudes to come across this: 6"Blessed are (A)those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. (Matt. 5:6, NASB). The word for satisfied is often translated filled, but it is a richer word than that. The root refers to an enclosure, or pasture-ground. The verb means to feed or fill with grass; to fatten; to satiate or gorge.

Now a couple things jump out at me immediately with this. First, when was the last time you were gorged? With Thanksgiving right around the corner it shouldn’t be too hard to come up with a time. We’re already full from a wonderful meal and yet somehow we find just enough room to squeeze in a few bites of dessert, with whipped cream, please. And pardon me while I loosen my belt. Hold onto that image and now answer me this: when was the last time you were that satiated spiritually? Are you hungering and thirsting for the things that will truly satisfy?

Then I was thinking about the root word, pasture-ground and enclosure. My mind drifted back to the image of the Good Shepherd who leads his flock to lie down in green pastures. He knows where to put us so that our spirits can be fed, and fed to the fullest. His promise is that if we will hunger after him, he will completely fill us. If you’re not feeling satisfied, full on God, it’s about you—not Him!

So, I’m wondering today: Are you satisfied now? It really is a good thing!

R: Ran

2009-11-19T09:35:00.000-08:00

"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.”

This verse comes from the story of the Prodigal Son. After winding up in the pigpen, he “comes to his senses” and realizes that the servants back home had it way better than him. He figures out he has nothing to lose, so he heads home. All the way there he practices his speech. We’ve all done it, sometimes in the bathroom mirror, but we go over and over those words that are so hard to imagine saying. The coolest thing in the PS’s story is that he never gets to give the whole speech.

I have always loved this story, but it wasn’t until recently that I was captured by the father’s actions. He never gave up hope. He might have been related to the Motel 6 guy, because he always left the light on! But it was his actions when PS was finally coming home that most grab my heart. By all rights he could have stood at the gate with his arms crossed, tapping his toe, and waiting for PS to come groveling up the walk. But he didn’t! He ran across town and met PS there.

I think there are some specific reasons that Father went out to meet his son. If you’ve grown up in or around the church then you know how tongues can wag and how fast juicy gossip spreads. Father wasn’t going to let his son walk across town, facing down the verbal onslaught alone. They were all going to know just how proud he was of his son for coming home, for making the tough choice to swallow his pride, and besides, that way he could invite them to the party.

Can you see PS’s face? He’s been rehearsing his line all the way, giving emphasis to the different words. He’s tired, sweaty, and unsure of what’s going to happen when he gets home, but before he can get his words out, here comes Father. Oh no! Was he so angry that he couldn’t even wait for him to get home? What would he do now? Should he just turn and run? He had no time to think because before he knows it Father’s arms around his neck in warmest embrace!

A party is called for and immediately planned. Then, begins the arduous task of walking through town. PS can hardly believe the way Father has his arm around him. He had literally wished his father dead to get his share of the estate. Then he wastes it. He has nothing to show. Nothing to hold onto…except Father. At each house, all along the way, Father is proudly announcing PS’s return and inviting everyone to the party. Their tongues might wag, but they were going to know that Father was overjoyed at his son’s return.

There’s a gospel song that says:
the only time I ever saw Him run…
Was when He ran to me, He took me in His arms
Held my head to His chest, said “My son’s come home again”
Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice He said,
“Son do you know I still love you?”
He caught me by surprise when God ran .

Watch this and know this: Father loves you and runs to you, too! Let the party begin!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1O4eS9jxfM

Q: Quiet

2009-11-18T14:20:00.001-08:00

15For thus the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel, has said,
"In repentance and (AH)rest you will be saved,
In (AI)quietness and trust is your strength."
But you were not willing,

When our first grandchild, Penelope, was born I created an ABC lullaby that was quite effective at calming her and lulling her to sleep. She heard it nearly every day for six months and then she and her mommy moved away. My second grandchild, Caden didn’t get to hear the song much since they lived away from us when he was little. When Asher came along he lived with us and even when he and his mommy got an apartment he came to see us nearly every day. Needless to say, Asher heard the lullaby almost daily. As calming as it was for him, singing it also calmed my spirit.

I have come to appreciate quiet and not just the quiet that comes after the kids are gone. I mean the stillness of a fresh morning when I whisper even to God. This has not always been the case. For far too many years I had way too much on my on my plate. Keeping myself busy, taking on more and more tasks earned me recognition at work and seemed to impress people. So I kept at it, all the while feeling a niggling in my spirit that whispered of my need for quiet and rest. But I was not willing, and the result was tragic. I’m still trying to put the pieces back together, but some days it really doesn’t feel like there any pieces to work with (see Isaiah 30:14).

Recently Asher was obviously needing a nap, but desperately fighting to stay awake. He had crawled up into my lap so I started to sing the ABC lullaby. Knowing that he didn’t want to go to sleep, he put his hand over my mouth and said, “No, Mema.” He knew if I continued to sing he would fall asleep and he just couldn’t afford to miss anything. Or so he thought. He had a miserable afternoon which resulted in his spending some time in Time Out where, finally alone, he fell asleep.

Just like I knew that Asher needed a nap, God knows what we need. He knew what the children of Israel needed, too. They foolishly wanted to put their confidence back in Egypt. They didn’t want to trust in God or his word. The prophet is warning them that they needed to return and find their rest, their satisfaction in God and his plan. They needed to surrender their disquieted spirit and find their strength in him. But they weren’t willing. Are you?

P: Participate

2009-11-17T04:19:00.001-08:00

Are you an observer or a participant? I know, it depends on what’s going on. My extroverted personality tends to get me involved. My lack of boundaries causes me to say yes to things I don’t always “want” to do. And because I’m somewhat ADD, well, I just don’t sit well. I like to be where things are happening. Unless the “happening” is in the kitchen or on a sports field of play. I do know my limitations.

Ah, limitations in participation. They are pretty much self-imposed, wouldn’t you agree? We have our list of “can’ts” that we are quick to recite when with really can’t or don’t want to do something. When I was a kid and my grandmother wanted to teach me to knit and crochet, I was quick to use the excuse that I was left handed and therefore couldn’t learn. I’m not exactly sure where I got that, unless it was from my first grade teach who I absolutely exasperated as she struggled to teach me how to write my letters. Perhaps she determined and announced that I was unteachable because I was left handed. Anyway, it was an excuse that served me well on summer days when I was clearly more interested in playing outdoors than learning to knit one and purl two.

All this thinking about participation, reminded me of one of my favorite passages in scripture. It was penned by Peter: 3His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 4Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires. (2 Peter 1:3-4, NIV)

I found this passage early on in my faith journey, thanks to a small book by Bob Benson entitled, “Come Share the Being.” You can borrow my copy, but I want it back. In it he invites to really contemplate that we have not only been invited, but we are equipped to share in the divine nature of God. You and me, with all our stuff—good and bad—have been given his great and precious promises so that we can participate in the divine nature of God. Does that give you chill bumps, or knock you upside the head, or break your heart? Think about it!

Now, given that we’ve been given ev-er-ee-thing (hear that word broken down and pronounced in a slow exaggerated manner) that we need, how (how, how, how) can we continue to throw up excuses and can’ts when God asks us to do something? It is so time to stop letting a few do the work while we observe. It is time to participate. If you’re ready to plunge right in, by all means go ahead! The water’s great! But if not, if you’re feeling a little more timid, if you need a little more confirmation (if your cousin’s name is Gideon), than stick your toe in and watch what he will do. When the Hebrew children were willing to put their toes in the Red Sea or the Jordan River they parted. You have been given everything, his precious promises, to be able to participate in his divine nature. And yes, that does mean you—no matter what your first grade teacher, or mom, or boyfriend, or boss have said!

I don’t what time the clock says as you’re reading this, but I know it’s time to stop observing and start participating. What are you waiting for? You have everything you need.

O: Open

2009-11-16T12:46:00.001-08:00

Asher has always been the center of attention. When he was a toddler he would engage us in endless games of Follow the Leader. His latest effort to gain our attention is to announce that it’s time for Talent Show in the living room. His talent might be creating music on the piano or juggling with one ball. Last week’s offering had us all in stitches: he was performing magic.

“Watch while I make this car ‘jus-da-peer’ (meaning disappear).” Our eyes were riveted. “Watch me. Now, close your eyes.” At this point we were all required to close or cover our eyes. Once he achieved the expected compliance, and none of us were peeking, he would put the car in his pocket, under his shirt, or hide it under the footstool. Then he would announce the ‘jusdapeerance’ with a proud “Tada!” to which we gleefully responded with amazement and ovations.

“Watch me. Close your eyes.” The phrase stuck with me and I decided to meditate on it to see what God might want to teach me. A couple thoughts bubbled to the surface. First, how like us that is. We start our faith journey with eyes wide open. Then we get scared and our trust flies out the window as we shut our eyes tight. When we do that we can’t see how God is working and when we don’t see it we begin to wonder if he is working. If we would only open our eyes we might see so much of his handiwork.

As I thought longer, though, I began to see that “Watch me, close your eyes” might be exactly what God wants us to do. We walk by faith not sight—or we’re supposed to. His desire is that we would open the eyes of our heart (see Paul’s prayer in Ephesians 1:188ff). Thomas is told, “Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe.” After all, what is the definition of faith? According to Hebrews: 1Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see (11:1, NIV).

Two songs have been welling up from within my heart today. First, is the chorus, “Open the eyes of my heart Lord…I want to see you.” And, “Amazing grace, how sweet the sound…I once was blind, but now I see.”

So I’m wondering how your vision is today? Are your spiritual eyes open? He has so much to show you and he won’t ‘jusdapeer.’

N: Nevertheless

2009-11-15T16:00:00.000-08:00

Have you ever hunted for a verse you were just sure existed? I spent the morning trying to find a verse that I was sure used the word “nevertheless” since today’s letter is N. In my mind, I remember a woman retelling the story of the three Hebrew men, Shad, Mesch, and Ben and their conversation just before being thrown into the fiery furnace. I remember her describing them and how they told Neb that they knew God could save them, but even if he didn’t “nevertheless” they would trust him. The word is just not there---but the essence is!

So I still want to consider “nevertheless faith.” It’s the kind of faith that holds strong when everything else gives way, especially when you have asked, nay pleaded, with God to make things go a different way. It’s the kind of faith that makes no sense to anyone else, especially not to unbelievers. It is childlike, but not naïve. It is trusting, but not foolish. Here’s how the hymn writer saw it:
1. Oh, for a faith that will not shrink
Tho' pressed by many a foe;
That will not tremble on the brink
Of poverty or woe;

2. That will not murmur nor complain
Beneath the chast'ning rod,
But in the hour of grief or pain
Can lean upon its God;

3. A faith that shines more bright and clear
When tempests rage without;
That, when in danger, knows no fear,
In darkness feels no doubt;

4. That bears unmoved the world's dread frown
Nor heeds its scornful smile;
That sin's wild ocean cannot drown
Nor Satan's arts beguile;

5. A faith that keeps the narrow way
Till life's last spark is fled
And with a pure and heavenly ray
Lights up the dying bed.

6. Lord give us such a faith as this;
And then, whate'er may come,
We'll taste e'en now the hallowed bliss
Of an eternal home.

M: MVNC, Michigan, Misfits, and Maturity

2009-11-14T05:05:00.000-08:00

One of the greatest enemies to my relationships is thinking I’m not worthy or I don’t belong. I have spent my life battling with “I-don’t-belong-syndrome.” So, the irony that M should land on this day is not lost on me. Today has had plans in it for a very long time, plans that God made that superseded anything that could have been done by me. Today is the 30th class reunion of my college graduating class. I was excited to go and see people and reminisce at my Alma Mater. Trouble was I didn’t write the dates on my calendar. I read material from the Alumni Association, but the dates never penetrated my brain. In the meantime, a friend from high school came up with a wonderful idea to travel to Michigan to see another one of our high school friends. When the miracle happened that we all had a Saturday off together I rejoiced and marked that date on my calendar. A final piece of material came from MVNC that was meant to remind me of the reunion and it hit me that I had made the mistake of not marking my calendar. Now what a mess that was! Or was it? Today seems to be a day to deal with my own demons of feeling like a misfit and wanting instant maturity.

Feeling like a misfit goes way back into my childhood. I recognized it most at Christmas each time when I watched the Rudolph Christmas special. I would sit and listen to the misfit toys sing their woeful song and then get all excited when in spite of their differentness they were able to find joy and love when they were reunited with the other toys. Even the “Bumble” found usefulness and meaning. As I grew I seemed to always find ways to lock into the group where I never felt like I fit in: I was never quite smart, talented, pretty, rich, or loveable enough. Those were terrible monsters to battle and I know that those feelings are a part of teenage angst and from a developmental psychology perspective I was struggling to find my identity. Throughout the process I felt like David in Saul’s armor: nothing seemed to fit. But unlike David, I didn’t know how to throw it off and find myself.

The other component that made life that so difficult for me was that I wanted instant maturity. I remember standing on the stage at the end of the Miss Teenage Columbus Pageant. I had actually made the top five. I was now going to have to answer a question that would determine my place among the winners. I was given a list of characteristics and told to chose the two I felt were most important and why. I distinctly remember that one of my answers was wisdom and I think the other was happiness. I wanted wisdom because I knew it was knowledge well used. At seventeen I wanted to have all the answers and the ability to function wisely. Now perhaps that seems like a good thing, but in my answer I see my propensity to want to short-circuit the process. It wasn’t until I was in my thirties that someone finally helped me realize the importance of process, the need to value the process not just to strive for the end result. So now in my fifties, I feel like a kid just sucking the life out of the process and it feels weird and people look at me even weirder.

As I was thinking about all of this I was prompted to pick up my copy of Warren’s “The Purpose Driven Life.” I was required to read this at work several years ago and while I found pieces of it interesting, I was at such a different place spiritually than my co-workers that it wasn’t a good experience for me. I chaffed against it to be quite honest. So this morning I was flipping through some of the pages and I found a section on the misfits of God—imagine that! Here’s what Warren writes:

“What matters is not the duration of your life, but the donation of it. Not how long you lived, but how you lived. If you’re not involved in any service or ministry, what excuse have you been using? Abraham was old, Jacob was insecure, Leah was unattractive, Joseph was abused, Moses stuttered, Gideon was poor, Samson was codependent, Rahab was immoral, David had an affair and all kinds of family problems, Elijah was suicidal, Jeremiah was depressed, Jonah was reluctant, Naomi was a widow, John the Baptist was eccentric to say the least, Peter was impulsive and hot-tempered, Martha worried a lot, the Samaritan woman had several failed marriages, Zaccheaus was unpopular, Thomas had doubts, Paul had poor health, and Timothy was timid. That is quite a variety of misfits, but God used each of them in his service. He will use you, too, if you stop making excuses.” (p. 233)

Speaking of maturity, Warren then refers to the process of maturing fruit and vegetables. He writes: “When you try to ripen fruit quickly, it loses it flavor. In America, tomatoes are usually picked unripened so they won’t bruise during shipping to the stores. Then, before they are sold, these green tomatoes are sprayed with CO2 gas to turn them red instantly. Gassed tomatoes are edible, but they are no match to the flavor of a vine-ripened tomato that is allowed to mature slowly.” (p. 217)

So what does this all have to do with going to Michigan instead of MVNC? I’m glad you’re still with me to ask the question. Today I’m spending the day with the woman who was class president and so popular I didn’t realize she even knew my name. She has a life that I used to dream would be mine. And today by the grace of God I call her my friend. And we’re going to visit the woman who won that Miss Teenage Columbus Pageant when I was fourth runner up. She is one of the smartest, most gifted women I know and God has blessed my life with her friendship as well. Today I’m marveling in a process that has taken way more than 30 years to effect. Three of us will enjoy the day together, but there are multitudes who have made it possible for me to do so. I can’t name you by name here, but know that you will be in my heart there. Today there is no misfit. Talk about maturity.

L: Learn

2009-11-13T15:34:00.001-08:00

I have thought about today’s L word. I considered lukewarm and thought a lot about long-suffering, but kept coming back to the word learn. Seems like an appropriate word to follow yesterday’s word, knowledge.

I want to be a learner. Have you ever considered what it takes to really be a learner? There are so many different theories. School s have formed based on those styles and theories. I’ve recently been watching learning on a daily basis. Asher seems to learn something new every day. Yesterday he wrote his name for the very first time. He wrote it on the back of a friend’s grocery list. She had to recopy the list because that paper was definitely going home with me for his baby book! Letters are becoming words. Soon words will be read in sentences. It’s amazing.

One of my “favorite” passages of scripture is Matthew 10:28-30. Jesus’ compassionate invitation to the weary crowd was to come to him and learn from him. He was their teacher. He is ours, too.

And now I’m going to learn from Jesus and go sleep because I’m tired.

K: Knowledge

2009-11-12T07:09:00.001-08:00

In his second letter, Peter begins by saying: Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus Christ our Lord. And he ends with: But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. In between the two, knowledge comes up several more times. What point do you think Peter is trying to make?

Recently in a bible study I’m doing by Beth Moore, she writes about the disconnect that sometimes, often, happens between brain (what we know) and heart (what we feel). I understand this and struggle with it more often than I care to admit. I think Peter knew it, too. Think about Peter: he knew there was something about Jesus when he was drug to him by his brother Andrew; he makes the strong confession of who Jesus is; he knows Jesus has incredible power and can make him walk on the water, too; and he witnesses the amazing vision on the Mount of Transfiguration. Peter even declares that there’s nowhere else to go but to Jesus. Then Jesus is arrested. Peter panics and throws everything he knows right out the window. He draws his sword. He vehemently denies Jesus. He cowers behind a locked door with the other confused disciples. Finally, he goes back to fishing. Why? Because it’s what he knows most surely and he feels like his heart has betrayed him.

I am so glad that Jesus chose to work with Peter, to call Peter his friend, and come back and restore him after he messed up. I love the scene of Peter’s restoration on the shore after Jesus’ resurrection. I believe that something was sealed in Peter’s heart and mind in that encounter. Peter realized in a new way that he thought he knew Jesus, but that it was just the beginning! Peter was being invited to new depths of knowledge—and so are we!

Think about it: we are to grow in grace and knowledge. This is intentional. I have been married to an amazing man for over 30 years. I continue to learn from him and about him and he about me. I imagine in the next 30 years there will still be things to learn! What I know about him and from him has helped us weather some of life’s toughest storms and tests. I honestly don’t think we could have withstood some of them if they had come early on in our relationship. Like Peter and the other disciples, it might have just been easier to go back to what we knew before. What I am saying is that it took work and intentionality to build our relationship and get us to where we are today and where we will be
tomorrow. And our relationship with God deserves no less attention or intention.

So I’m wondering today, do you know Him better today than you did yesterday, than last week? What are you doing to grow your relationship with Him? The good news is that whatever you will commit to that process he will bless and multiply. He wants to be known! He wants you to be so solid in what you know about Him that when the tough times come, and your feelings are frayed and giving way to the storm, you will have something clear and sure to hold onto!

J: Joy

2009-11-11T05:17:00.001-08:00

The word I originally wrote down for today is joy. I tried all day yesterday to find a different ‘j’ word. Part of the reason I struggled was related to the verse that automatically comes to my mind when I think of joy is James 1:2. I learned that verse: count it all joy, my brothers, when you face all kinds of trials. Now that may not be any “version” exactly, but that’s because I was raised on RSV, grabbed LB as a new believer, used the NIV as a pastor for over 20 years, came to like the NRSV, and have spent the last ten years using the NLT. Sprinkle in there a liberal dabbling with The Message and you see why I’m not much of a memorizer.

What I realized as I read and studied the verse is that I was putting a period in the middle of the sentence. By putting a period in the middle I was reading that I was supposed to be joy-full when I was being tried, as if going through difficult was a good thing. Well, in a way it is, but God is not about difficulty and trials for difficulty and trials sake. God doesn’t not look down on his people and play a let’s make them miserable game. There’s a point and that’s the part we miss if we stop, put the period, too soon.

Read the whole thought: 2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (Today’s New International Version) It appears that James wants to understand that the point or purpose to trials is to mature us and complete us so that we will not lack anything. And we shouldn’t try to short circuit the trial, because then we will come away without the thing that God wants us to have.

We have a God who can work things out for good. I’m not much of a cook, and that’s probably overstating it. Over the years we’ve had to learn how to take the results of my efforts and turn it into something edible. Most recently, I was trying to make cornbread for a soup supper at church. Nelson had made some wonderful chili and my job was to take the batter (which he had already prepared) and bake them. I sprayed the pans, but the muffins refused to come out. I had a bowl full of cornbread crumbles. We took them to the meal and I was quite apologetic. Everybody loved them. They went perfectly right into the chili: no muss, no fuss.

Going through a difficult time? Facing the trial of your life? Have you considered how much God loves and trusts you, and wants you to be mature and complete? Don’t circumvent his plan. He has you right where he wants you. He wants to give you everything that you need.

Quite often people quote Jeremiah 29:11 to their friends who are facing unbelievable trials, or they grab onto it to bolster their own faith. It truly is a powerful verse. But I would challenge you to go put it in context of at least the whole chapter. Keep in mind these folks were captives in exile and God told them to settle in, build homes, and trust him because he really did have a plan and purpose in all this. It wasn’t going to be easy, but they were to hang on because he would bring them home. Maybe not the way they wanted, but they would come home.

When Jesus was talking to his disciples at the end of his life, he was aware that things were going to get tough for them. Some would lose their lives because of their faith. John records that final time together and in the chapter on abiding and pruning, there are these words: I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete (John 15:11). There’s that same trio: joy, trial, and completeness.

So keep the period where it belongs, at the end of the thought. Hold on, and rejoice that he considers you worthy of completion.

I: I AM

2009-11-10T04:06:00.001-08:00

I am not big on “why?” questions. I choose to live my life in the “is” zone. Other people spend enormous amounts of energy and angst asking why something did or didn’t happen. I accept things as is and move on. The positive to that is that I don’t tend to get stuck. The down side is that I sometimes appear shallow and naïve.

Here’s a why question for you: why do we have to dissect everything? Why do we have to take things apart and find out what makes them tick? The clock works, leave it alone. Okay, maybe that’s a really bad analogy, and I really do understand that we need to understand how things work so we can fix them and improve them. I’m just not one of the people that God invested that inquisitive mind in. Picture me at the burning bush instead of Moses. I wouldn’t have had near the number of excuses and when God told me what to tell them was his name, I would have agreed and headed to Pharaoh.

Do you remember the scene? You can find it in Exodus 3 and 4. Moses sees a bush on fire, but not being consumed and the text seems to insinuate that he sort of meanders over to check it out. It’s not until the Bush starts giving Moses instructions that he starts balking. He has excuses and needs reassurance, a name and a sign. In the end he even suggests that God has the wrong guy. Surely, he wanted to be talking to his brother…or anybody other than himself.

The name that God gave Moses has been the focus of countless language scholars and theologians. It’s almost as if by understanding the name, we could understand God. I think it’s interesting that God told Moses that his name was “I Am” and the rest of the scriptures seems to be about explaining what that means. There are seven references by Jesus in the New Testament, I am: bread of life, good shepherd, light of the world, living water, way truth and life, the resurrection and the life, and finally claiming to be before Abraham (before Abraham, I AM). Trouble seems to be that even with all the explanation, we still don’t get it.

One of my favorite quotes has been attributed to Kierkegaard, Niebuhr, Osho, Henry Miller, and Joseph Campbell: life is a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved. And in that same vein, I believe that: God is a mystery to be loved, not an entity to be dissected. Karl Barth, the highly respected Swiss theologian, who wrote countless theological volumes, when asked to sum up his life work into one sentence replied: Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so. That’s pretty clear. Understandable enough for a child. Clear enough for a hurting world. Just tell them I AM.

So before you race out the door and into your day, will you take a moment to reflect on how you will live so that they will know he is?

H: Heaven

2009-11-09T03:25:00.001-08:00

On the most recent Koinonia Weekend, five of the twenty-four participants were hearing imapaired. The whole weekend was full of special moments as our community welcomed them in. The learning was rich and I can’t help but believe that it made God smile.

One moment touched my heart and kicked me in the butt at the same time. Our table communities were returning from our small group chapel Saturday night. As the groups return there is singing and conversation. It’s a lighter time after what can often be emotionally laden chapels. Shortly after my table returned to the meeting room, the guy playing his guitar started playing the old hymn “What A Day That Will Be.” As he was playing one of the hearing impaired participants started sing along. The usually noisy room hushed immediately and gave their full attention to singer and song. There were no dry eyes to be found. It was beautiful.

It was in that moment when it felt like my heart and my butt were attached and I got a pretty quick kick. I don’t know about you, but I don’t spend much time wishing for heaven. Unlike the singer that night, my song about heaven is more like the old Imperials song, “If Heaven Never Was Promised to Me.” The chorus goes: But if heaven never was promised to me, neither God’s promise to live eternally, it’s been worth just having the Lord in my life. Living in a world of darkness, he brought me the light.”

I used to think that heaven was the invention of people too weak to handle life as it came to them. There had to be something better than this, so they would long for the “Sweet By and By.” Eventually their preoccupation resulted in the adage that “they were so heavenly minded that they were of no earthly use.” As frustrating or disappointing as my life got, I loved it. I felt fortunate, blessed, and loved. There was a contentment that rolled over into complacency. Life was okay, what did I need heaven for?

I was thinking about that when I came across Paul’s word’s to the Colossians: 1 Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand. 2 Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. 3 For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God. (Colossians 3:1-3, NLT)

Paul is pretty clear. Heaven is to fill our thoughts so that we are not to get stuck thinking about here only. It really sounds like we need balance. We need to keep in mind that our real life is hidden with Christ. Life doesn’t end here. It’s not even really about here. Here we are to love, learn, lead, and look. To get too comfortable here is to take our eyes off the real prize.

So Woody, sing the chorus again, please. I’m ready to add my harmony: what a day, glorious day, that will be.

G: Gift

2009-11-08T03:31:00.001-08:00

A group of us were discussing how grace is like a gift. One of the group noted that they really couldn't understand how anyone could turn down a gift. Another said they didn't think people refused gifts. I had to unfortunately disagree.

The first example that came to mind was my grandson. While he was yet a toddler, my husband began the daily habit of giving him a Matchbox car. Asher loved this. It was like a game to him. As time progressed, Nelson tried to introduce other gifts into the mix and they were met with a fit of tears and protests. Now, we may not stomp our feet when we don't receive what we want or expect from God, but take inventory for a moment. Have you ever had your own spiritual tantrum or pouting party when God didn't come through like you wanted?

The other thing I've noticed is from adults. This probably stands out more to me because I have in recent years been more on the receiving end of people's generosity. I have witnessed folks trying to help others and those would be recipients turning down the gift when it wasn't exactly what they wanted/needed. They were offered a couch or bed and the gift was declined because it wasn't the right size, style, or color.

Perhaps I'm thinking more about gifts because we're heading into the gifting season or because the next two major holidays focus on thankfulness and God's great gift to us. Perhaps, but really, it's just that I'm seeing every day as a gift. I have truly taken to heart the words of Jeremiah in Lamentations 3: The steadfast love the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness (vs. 22-23)

I'm not foolish or naive enough to believe that everything that comes my way is good. But like Paul in his words to the Roman church so long ago: he (God) works everything for good. The best news in that is that I don't have to see that right now. I just have to know it and trust it. He really is the giver of all good gifts.

F: Fussing

2009-11-07T04:07:00.001-08:00

Okay, will all the fussers in the room, please raise your hand? That is if you can get a hand free to raise it. Hi, I’m Tina. I fuss. And in case you want to tell me that you never fuss, here’s the definition:
fuss
1. Needlessly nervous or useless activity; commotion: There was a lot of fuss on moving day.
2.
a. A state of excessive and unwarranted concern over an unimportant matter: made a big fuss over one low test grade.
b. An objection; a protest: The longer working hours caused a big fuss.
3. A quarrel.
4. A display of affectionate excitement and attention: Everyone made a fuss over the new baby.
v. fussed, fuss•ing, fuss•es
v.intr.
1. To trouble or worry over trifles.
2. To be excessively careful or solicitous: fussed over their children.
3. To get into or be in a state of nervous or useless activity: fussed with the collar of his coat.
4. To object; complain. v.tr. To disturb or vex with unimportant matters.

I went to scripture to see what it says about fussing, and the NIV doesn’t use the word fuss. So searched in The Message (which I think tends to use more relatable words) and found several examples. First, I found that the word fuss was used by Jesus to describe Martha’s actions when he came to her home. You might remember the story: Martha is in the kitchen fussing while Mary is in living room sitting at the feet of Jesus—hanging onto his every word (Luke 10). In Matthew’s presentation of the Sermon on the Mount, we find a pretty clear teaching on the futility of fussing, too (see Matthew 6:24-28). It’s pretty clear in that teaching that fussing is not going to get us what we need, so why not use that energy more constructively?

I tried to do a search about “why” people fuss and all I found was what people fuss about (and a long list of how not to fuss about caring for babies—boy am I glad I’m past all that and can have all that energy for other things to fuss about). There are probably as many reasons that people fuss as there are people and situations to fuss in. One thing that seems to run consistently through each example and the definitions is that it is useless and majoring in the minors. So if we were to peel away all the uselessness, what might we find? I’m thinking we would find fear. That really hit home for me. I know how to look amazingly busy so that you won’t see and I won’t address my fear. Think about the Martha and Mary story. What was Martha’s fear? High on the list was the fear about what others would think. Was the house clean enough, was the meal good enough, was her dress pressed, and on and on. Bottom line: was she good enough for Jesus?

The answer for Martha and the answer for each of us is a resounding “yes!” The reality of that, the security, the ability to rest and trust comes through the development of the relationship. As I sat and pondered this I thought about my relationship with my mother. I treasure my mother, but our relationship has not always been the wonderful thing that it is today. More than anyone I know, my mother could send me into a flurry of fussing, of useless and nervous activity, quicker than anyone. If she was coming to visit, you could almost chronicle the stages of fussing. That has changed in the last few years. Oh, I’ll still rent my daughter to clean my house, but my fuss meter is much lower than I’d ever dreamed it could be. I may not be to the Mary end of things, but I’ve clearly moved away from Martha. How did that happen? Our relationship has changed. Certainly, she’s still my mother, but she is also my friend. She wants to see me doing well, but she doesn’t come into my house wearing white gloves and checking my under my bed for dust bunnies.

That same kind of relational development is what God wants with us too. I’m not suggesting a buddy-buddy familiarity with the Creator of the Universe who deserves our honor and awe, but I am advocating for a clearer understanding of our standing with him. Bad news: we’ll never be good enough to be in relationship with him on our own—save the energy of trying to make yourself look or be perfect. Good news: it’s all taken care of. He provided the means for restoring and growing relationship with him through his son. And not spending my energy, physically, emotionally, and spiritually on all that unnecessariness has freed me up to new levels of creativity and relationship. So I invite you, too. Step away from the fussing. Find balance. Yes, dinner will still need to be made. But make it from love, not from fear.

E: Expectations

2009-11-06T15:53:00.001-08:00

What do you expect? Have you ever thought about that? What do you expect from your spouse or significant other? What do you expect from your children? Your friends? Your employer? The church? Your toothpaste? We have expectations of everyone and everything. I expect when I flip the switch that the lights are going to come on. I expect that if the label says new and improved the product is going to be better. I expect the police to protect me. I expect my alarm to go off when I set it. So, if I have expectations of everyone and everything, what are my expectations of God? What are yours?

When you signed onto this spiritual journey what did you expect from God? Here’s part of what he expected from you:
-"You shall have no other gods before me. Exodus 20:3
-He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. Micah 6:8
-37Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'[b] 38This is the first and greatest commandment. 39And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' Matthew 22:37-39

Jesus told a story to illustrate our expectations. It’s recorded in Matthew 20. There we find the story of the owner of the landowner who hirers laborers for the vineyard. The workers who worked the longest EXPECTED to get more pay. They just didn’t get the Landowners way of doing things…no more than we get God.

In the fifth Psalm we find these words of David: In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation (vs. 3). We tell our friends that we will pray for them, but what do we expect God to do? Do we expect God to change the situation, to change them, to change us? How many times do we just toss our requests toward heaven and race out into the day, acting more like a over busy mate or a demanding teenager, never bothering to wait and hear from God?

Perhaps if we take some time to examine our expectations, we’ll find out where and perhaps why we’ve felt disappointed or distanced from God. And maybe he’ll show us how we’re doing with his expectations, too.

D: Drift

2009-11-05T14:20:00.001-08:00

I was playing Scrabble the other day with a friend on line and found I had the letters to make the word kedge. The word is synonymous for anchor. Thinking about having and needing an anchor led me to think about drifting. What images come to mind when you think of drifting? For me, it’s lazy, mindless, floating away. And it’s not a bad image. Spiritually, it’s quite a different story.

There are many warnings in scripture to pay attention, to listen carefully, to stay focused to the end. The only place where we are warned against drifting is in Hebrews 2:1, “We must pay more careful attention, therefore, to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away.” A single reference might seem to diminish the importance, until you take into consideration that the entire book of Hebrews is like one huge warning to wake up and pay attention so that we don’t lose what’s most important.

God must have known how prone to wandering and drifting we would be. In the longest chapter of the longest book of the Bible, Pslam 119, we find some good words to help us with this problem. Actually, from that psalm we learn the keys to keeping our hearts anchored so that we can avoid drifting. There are so many, but here are just a few to get started with. Notice in verse ten that the Word can keep us from straying or wandering. When we are feeling weak, we can find renewed strength in the Word (vs. 28). When we feel confused, in the dark, the word becomes our light (vs. 130). Knowing this, is it any wonder that we are instructed to bind the Word to hearts, to tie them to our wrist, to wear them on our foreheads?

The hymn writer understood this bent to wandering, to drifting. In a statement of admission and a plea, we find these words: Prone to wander, Lord I feel it. Prone to leave the God I love. Here’s my heart, oh take and seal it. Seal it for thy courts above. Are you anchored or drifting? If you haven’t been paying attention, then listen up! It’s not too late to drop anchor!

B and C: Broken and Contrite

2009-11-04T03:10:00.000-08:00

On my desk I have a toy (imagine that) figurine, Woody, from the Pixar Movie, Toy Story. His is sitting on a horse, tipping his hat. If you push on the base of the figurine, he collapses. He is a collapsible string toy. I looked it up on Google to make sure I had the name right. Asher and I were playing with the toy, and it occurred to me that many believers are just like that toy. They know how to “look” broken, but they really aren’t.

King David understood what it meant to be broken. There were no strings going to pop him back up into place. He had made a terrible mess of things, but he knew enough to go back to what he knew and Who he knew. He penned these words: The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. (Psalm 51:17). Broken I think I get, but I can’t tell you the last time I used the word contrite in my every day conversation. I did a little reading up on this word, and if you look at its history you get a clear image of what God is looking for. Contrite literally means worn out, ground to pieces.

Okay, all those seeking to be pulverized step to the right please. What, no takers? I don’t know anyone who gets excited about the breaking process. It made me think of dirt…the kind you want to plant in. Remember the story Jesus told about the seeds and soil? The soil that was ready to receive the seed was the soil that was tilled, broken up. So what needs broken up, pulverized, ground to pieces in your life? What do you pretend in front of others to be broken over, but when they’re not looking you let the string go taunt and you pull it back together?

Understanding what God really wants from me definitely adds new meaning to “no strings attached.” It’s time to cut the strings and let the breaking begin.

A: Abounding

2009-11-03T03:44:00.000-08:00

(I decided to finish out the month writing a thought, word picture, or nugget associated with a letter from the alphabet. We'll see how it goes.)

8And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. (2 Corinthians 9:8, NIV)

I looked up the definition of abound, and found that it means to be filled, to be rich or well-supplied, and to occur in great quantities. I like having enough. Having more than I need isn’t bad, either. But right now, with money being stretched, extra isn’t really an option. We’ve had to pick and choose carefully where our dollars go. We used to tease Nelson about the way that he shopped. Mr. Bargain was great at finding a deal and stocking up. There for a while I never thought I was going to run out of toilet paper. We’re not seeing as much of that. He did find a good deal on sauerkraut last night, however.

In God’s economy, there’s one thing that we never have to worry about running out of: his grace. Couched in a section about giving, Paul tucks our verse for today. An offering was being collected and these folks gave beyond what was expected, and gave gladly. And I’ve got a hunch that when the dust settled and the preacher left town, these people found that they still had more than enough.

How is that? How could they still have enough? I believe that their enough and God’s grace are significantly linked. Too often we consider grace (and mercy) to be used like “Get out of jail free” cards, that God’s grace comes to mop up our messes, to get us through the tough times. It does in part, but not merely so that we can sit back until the next mess or trial and expect God to just get us through. God’s grace gives us everything we need so that we can be adequately prepared for the work he designed for us.

Tucked way back in the story of Abraham, God tells Abraham the secret to understanding how and why God blesses us. He tells Abe that he is blessed to be a blessing (Genesis 12:1-2). We are not meant to be reservoirs or storage centers for God to dump blessings in. As you marvel at your blessings today, ask God to show you how you can bless someone else. You have way more than enough to share!

Nothing Wasted

2009-11-02T11:18:00.001-08:00

Have you ever pondered the question: “if you could go back in time and change any one decision, would you and which would it be? I used to get really irritated with those people who with seemingly no thought at all replied that there was no way. Were their lives so perfect that they had nothing to un-do? Some would respond negatively because they are who they are today because of the decisions they made. Great, but looking at your life from my perspective, sure leaves me wondering.

Then there’s me. I probably waste too much time wondering about what life might be like if I had done this instead of that. I would have a long list of potential changes, but I would be hard pressed to make a decision because I’d be afraid I’d make the wrong one yet again.

The fallout from one awful choice affects me in very obvious ways but also in ways no one can imagine. Our Sunday School class is planning a trip for next Fall to Canada. Nelson could go but he won’t. I can’t because Canada doesn’t allow felons to cross their borders. My High School class sent out an email regarding our 35th reunion. They’re considering booking a cruise. Hope they have a good time.

Now, before you think I’m just having too good a time at this little pity me party, please realize that I’ve come to accept these things as “is.” They are results of the poorest choices I’ve made in my life. But there is another side to consider. For me it is the philosophical and theological position that nothing is or should be wasted.

Right now I have a job that I wouldn’t have picked for myself. I spend five to six hours a day, three or four times a week, with an eighty-six year old woman who has Alzheimer’s. She doesn’t like having me hang out there, but it enables her family to keep her in the family home. At first I argued with God about the job. Talk about waste! Arguing with God? What was I thinking? When I finally quit arguing, I looked at the quiet hours completely differently: all that time to read, all that time to write, all that time to pray. My schedule is extremely flexible and I get to be home to watch my grandson.

My grandson. If I went back and undid that horrible decision, I wouldn’t have the pure joy this incredible child brings to my life every day. I would have grandchildren, but probably not the amazing three that I have because we would be living life differently and so would our girls and they would have had different decisions to make and on and on.

God knew all that. I don’t believe that God wanted me to make the decision that I made any more than he wanted or liked some of the decisions that David, Moses, Abraham, Paul, or Peter made. From the beginning God knew there would be heartache: his and ours because of choices. He could have created us, wired us, to always choose him, but he wanted us to want him so we had to be free to also choose to not want him. Even in that he demonstrates an immense love for us by showing us that he will take the mess we have made and reshape it into something useful and beautiful.

A few weekends ago, I shared my testimony, my story, at a retreat. I did this once before at the seminary where I got my counseling degree. It’s not that I enjoy getting vulnerable and opening the doors for people to hate me or be unkind to me. I tell my story to show the immeasurable grace and mercy of our Heavenly Father. I tell my story as a wakeup call to people who are dangerously close to making life decisions that could result in the ruination and loss of all they hold dear and sacred. I tell my story so that others who are surrounded the mess they made in their life by lousy, unhealthy, disastrous decisions can see that God can truly make beauty from ashes.

In the Gospels there is the story of Jesus feeding the multitudes with the lunch a boy had with him. Some say the greatest miracle was that the boy still had his lunch when Jesus needed it. Others say it was pretty miraculous the way Jesus and the disciples organized the massive crowd and got everybody fed in such short order. It’s all pretty amazing. The part that means the most to me was the way Jesus sent the disciples back and collected the leftovers, because nothing was to be wasted. That’s the way God works. That’s how he looks at life.

So I was sitting here just meditating on God as Redeemer and I got this image of God as the Great Recycler. Now, if we humans can figure out how to turn elephant poop into paper (http://www.elephantdungpaper.com/) and sell it for profit, don’t you think the Creator of the universe can figure out what to do with the mess you’ve made of your life?

Resting

2009-11-01T11:35:00.000-08:00

Where I work I spend most of my time in two rooms, the kitchen and dining room. They are open to each other. In those two rooms there are four clocks. Should I venture into either bathroom there’s a clock there, too. I never have to wonder or worry about what time it is.

Time. When we think about it we wonder what time it is. We wonder if we’re late or early. How much time do we have? What do we do with our time? We’re accused of wasting time, marking time, stretching time, and watching time fly by.

I used to rush through my days. I was proud of how much I could cram into a day. More was always better and therefore, resulted in a better me. When I gave up sleep to focus on saving the world (or at least my little corner), I made some of the stupidest and most dangerous decisions, decisions that nearly cost me everything, including my life. I finally came to the conclusion that there is a reason that God rested and a reason that he commands it of us, as well.

This was the morning when we changed our clocks. It was time to “fall back.” While others were relishing an extra hour of sleep, I was awake and at my computer. I was reveling in the quiet. All I could hear was the rhythm of the clocks ticking around me. Now maybe if I only had that to listen to 24/7, it would become tortuous. Sitting there this morning, it was a Centering Symphony.

I was up “early” because someone imposed a time change on me. Isn’t that just how life seems to go? We grouse and complain because our time is not our own. Someone always seems to be demanding our time.

Recently, I was a t a retreat where the leaders took the watches and phones of the participants. The surrender was to free those attending from the tyranny of time. The thinking was/is to let the staff “worry” about time and schedule. Good as it was, the staff always had someplace for the participants to go or something for them to do, so there was no sense of “free time.”

Compare that to the experience of our house guest. We have a couple unoccupied rooms in our home, so we opened our space to a pastor friend who was between jobs with no place to stay. The first couple weeks she was with us, all she did was sleep, eat, and watch TV. Our interactions were minimal. Slowly, opportunities and necessities began to reenter her life and she began to go out with friends and go to some meetings. One day she came through the living room where I was reading. She sat and we chatted for a while. At the end of our talking, she shared how much she appreciated the opportunity to just be there with no expectations, just able to rest. It was the refreshing that she needed at every level of her being: heart, mind, soul, and strength.

In the great Shepherd Psalm (Psalm 23), we find so much of the care provided to and for us. One of the things we may overlook is that he who knows us and our needs makes us lie down. Thinking of this reminded me of my grandson. I can always tell when Asher needs a nap. Some days so can he. Don’t make the Shepherd bop you on the head with his crook to get you to rest. We were not created to go 24/7.

One day as Jesus was ministering, he looked out at the crowd and was moved to compassion when he saw how weary and out of synch they were. He offered them rest, to restore their rhythm. To receive this gift they needed to come to him and learn from him. Don’t you think it’s time to listen, to learn, to rest?

Boys and Leaves.

2009-10-31T18:17:00.000-07:00

This is my favorite fall picture so far.

Tracing

2009-10-27T12:49:00.000-07:00

Our three year old grandson, Asher, started pre-school this fall. From the get go, we knew he was a bright child. He even came on his due date. We watched Baby Einstein videos with him until we all knew them by heart. Very early, he knew his shapes, colors, letters, and numbers.

At Pre-school they are teaching the kids their letters and numbers and having them trace them. Asher walks around with his left hand in the air, at the ready for the next thing to trace. If he isn’t tracing the letters, he’s counting how many characters or letters are in the word or string of words. He traces letters on the TV, on boxes, on books, from the newspaper, or on the shirt someone has on. One day, I found him sitting on the floor in the dining room. We have a shelf there with accident/spare clothes for him. He had all his spare shirts lying out and his own shirt off. When I asked what he was doing he looked at me with that “isn’t it obvious, Mema” look. Then, as matter of factly as he could, he informed me that he was tracing. Every letter around him screams to be traced!

Reflecting on Asher’s tracing, I began to see three components that made Asher such a good tracer. First, he walked through his day, minute by minute and room by room, anticipating, no expecting, that there would be letters to trace or count. What do you eagerly anticipate? A quick read of Romans 8 paints a clear picture of what we need to be anticipating.

Anticipating that God is at work, that he has a plan and it includes us, drives us, spurs us, motivates us to be ready. Asher walks around expecting to find something to trace. His little hand is often in the air, making circles, like an airplane getting ready to land. The word tells us we are to be ready, to always have an answer when someone asks us what are hope is about.

Could you do that? I’m not asking if you know some specific plan or canned presentation. I don’t care if you have scripture memorized, but can you (from a sincere heart) tell someone, “This is where I was. This is what God in Christ did for me. And this is where I’m headed.” It’s your story, are you ready to tell it?

And finally, I have been so impressed by Asher’s focus. His questions reveal his passion to learn more. He listens to all our conversations. I know this because often my words come back to me through him. It has caused me to be more conscious of what I say and how I say it. We’ve even had to resort to spelling things we want to keep above his head. Everything he sees is an item to trace. If he’s not tracing letters, then his finger runs around the circumference or perimeter of an item. Some days he carries his step stool from room to room so that he can be sure to catch whatever you’re doing.

Right now Asher seems to be practicing the fine art of learning. It reminded me of Brother Lawrence’s continual practice of the awareness of God. And I started to wonder: what keeps me from anticipating God at every turn? Do I have preconceived and limiting notions about who God is and what he can do? What keeps me from being ready? Is it fear, or busyness, or ignorance of the urgency, or God help us: lack of love? What keeps me from being focused? The enemy is the expert at divide and conquer. If he can get us to thinking in terms of sacred and secular, he knows it’s just a short distance disconnecting our head and heart.

When I was in seminary the second time around, a Sunday School teacher asked our younger daughter, Beth (Asher’s mom), what she wanted to be when she grew up. Beth’s answer struck the teacher enough that she made sure to tell me. Beth’s answer was, “a student like my mom.” There is always a need for us to put into practice what we know, but oh, that God would rekindle in each of us the insatiable desire to learn. Then we would, like Asher, be anticipating, ready, and focused.

Little Things

2009-10-16T11:38:00.000-07:00

If you had to make a list of the things on your job that you enjoy doing that probably weren't on your original job description, what might that list include? Are there any little things that you get to do that are just pure enjoyment? I hope so.

In my job at Curves, I inherited a job. It used to be something that was on the daily to do list, but somehow it has gotten on my list and I couldn't be happier! It is my job to put an inspirational quote on the white board. Part of the reason that I inherited this task is that I started looking for specific quotes that I could put some kind of drawing wiith. The more I did that the more it seemed that people were paying attention to my stick figures and doodles. I scroll through pages of quotes on line, and find so many inspiration thoughts, but set them aside if I can't see some kind of figure to go with it.

In the picture above you see the quote that is on the board right now. I have to admit, even though I like the quote, what I really like is the rabbits. Here's why: I in no ways consider myself an artist. I typically have to google the picture I want to draw and sketch out what I find. But the whole process stretches me. I love that. The figures are far from perfect and I deliberately draw in a cartoonesque style because it's more forgiving and the goofier the better. I find it amazing that I'm drawing anything for others to see at all. It's just not anything I've done my entire life--and I'm loving it.

Want to know what else is cool? So very many people have told me that they really enjoy the quotes. Some make them laugh. Some make them think. Some make them say, oh my. Today one of the members made a point of telling me that she shares them with her grand-neice when she emails her. I can't just put anything on that board. People see it. Read it. Look forward to it.

Now, I'm sure it doesn't surprise you that this got me thinking. Thinking about my life, about my influence, about what people see...in me. They may seem like little things to me. They may seem trivial, but they make speak volumes to someone else.

A while back someone tried to make me feel bad, feel shame, that with all my education and experience I'm working part-time as a Fitness Tech at Curves. They were being petty. Little did they know how much I love my job and treasure the opportunity I have to encourage woman to health and wholeness. I really think though, that even if I wasn't working at Curves, if I was flipping burgers, cleaning toilets, or stuffing envelopes, I would find a way to make sure to find enjoyment in the task and some way to positively influence the world for the Kingdom. How about you? If you had to make a list of the things on your job that you enjoy doing that probably weren't on your original job description, what might that list include? Are there any little things that you get to do that are just pure enjoyment? I hope so.

In my job at Curves, I inherited a job. It used to be something that was on the daily to do list, but somehow it has gotten on my list and I couldn't be happier! It is my job to put an inspirational quote on the white board. Part of the reason that I inherited this task is that I started looking for specific quotes that I could put some kind of drawing wiith. The more I did that the more it seemed that people were paying attention to my stick figures and doodles. I scroll through pages of quotes on line, and find so many inspiration thoughts, but set them aside if I can't see some kind of figure to go with it.

In the picture above you see the quote that is on the board right now. I have to admit, even though I like the quote, what I really like is the rabbits. Here's why: I in no ways consider myself an artist. I typically have to google the picture I want to draw and sketch out what I find. But the whole process stretches me. I love that. The figures are far from perfect and I deliberately draw in a cartoonesque style because it's more forgiving and the goofier the better. I find it amazing that I'm drawing anything for others to see at all. It's just not anything I've done my entire life--and I'm loving it.

Want to know what else is cool? So very many people have told me that they really enjoy the quotes. Some make them laugh. Some make them think. Some make them say, oh my. Today one of the members made a point of telling me that she shares them with her grand-neice when she emails her. I can't just put anything on that board. People see it. Read it. Look forward to it.

Now, I'm sure it doesn't surprise you that this got me thinking. Thinking about my life, about my influence, about what people see...in me. They may seem like little things to me. They may seem trivial, but they make speak volumes to someone else.

A while back someone tried to make me feel bad, feel shame, that with all my education and experience I'm working part-time as a Fitness Tech at Curves. They were being petty. Little did they know how much I love my job and treasure the opportunity I have to encourage woman to health and wholeness. I really think though, that even if I wasn't working at Curves, if I was flipping burgers, cleaning toilets, or stuffing envelopes, I would find a way to make sure to find enjoyment in the task and some way to positively influence the world for the Kingdom. How about you?

Prepared

2009-10-10T05:14:00.000-07:00

Ephesians 6 gives a wonderful image of how we are to “dress” or outfit ourselves. I get this picture of Paul getting dressed in the morning and making sure he was clothed in God’s best. His admonition to the Colossians on how they were to clothe and not clothe themselves is another example of his dressing image (Colossians 3).

I was thinking about that as I was running through my tick list of things to get ready before I headed out the door for my twelve hour work day. I would be working both jobs and not getting home in between. I had laid out my clothes, charged the phone and Palm Pilot, set out the vitamins, and readied the coffee maker, all before I went to bed. My lunch box was loaded with two meals and two snacks to get me through the day. That’s when I thought about a principle I’ve taught in my healthy eating classes: To fail to plan is to plan to fail. All those years in Girl Scouts taught me well to “be prepared.”

Driving to work, I began to ponder how “prepared” I was spiritually to walk through the day. I made sure I had a jacket with a hood to protect my hair from the wind and rain, but did I grab the helmet of salvation? I made sure my inserts were in my shoes, but were my feet protected by the peace that comes from the Good News? I knew my pants would stay up, but it wasn’t because I grabbed the belt of truth. I knew where my umbrella was, but “over all things” did I put on love?

My socks may have matched, but I think I would fare better through the day if I made sure my heart, mind, and spirit got better attention. And that won’t happen unless I plan, prepare, and follow through. I don’t know what storms, trials, or temptations may come my way today, but to fail to plan for them is to plan to fail. So, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go make sure my sword of the Spirit is close at hand for when the enemy attacks!

On Fear

2009-08-05T05:15:00.000-07:00

I didn’t buy many books at the last Library Book Sale. It was hard for me to be there at all. For one thing, my nephew had died unexpectedly and tragically the night before. For another, I had cleared out my personal library—more from a sense of ought than want—and everywhere I looked I seemed to see my books.

So my heart was heavy as I scanned the titles. Very little piqued my interest. One book that picked up was titled, “Fear Itself, The Origin and Nature of the Powerful Emotion That Shapes Our Lives and Our World.” I didn’t get past the first page of acknowledgements before I was reaching for my pen to react to what I had read.

Earlier that day, I had been reading Max Lucado’s book “A Love Worth Giving.” I had just finished the chapter on “Love Protects” (Lucado is examining the “Love Chapter,” 1 Corinthians 13.) In that chapter, he discusses Adam and Eve, and how God put a cloak of protection on them even after they sinned. Why did they sin? I used to attribute it to arrogance. Thinking about it with both books before me, I believe fear was the motivation. It may appear arrogant, their wanting to be as smart as God, but why would they need to be? What motivates me to learn everything I can at work? The need for job security, which itself implies insecurity, which smacks of fear.

Pondering this, I realize I have to own that fear has been a major motivator and shaper in my life. I would much rather be able to say that love is, but that would deny the true nature of love, sincerity. Another verse comes to mind: “Perfect love casts out fear” (1 John 4:18). At this point I’m transported to a fear-full place of my childhood: the school play yard at recess. Walk across the blacktop to the teeter totters. There you will find me, stuck up in the air, my feet dangling helplessly, being held aloft by a smirking and controlling fat old ball of fear. No amount of effort, not flailing my legs or bouncing on the seat, can bring me down. It’s not until the teacher walks over and smacks Fear on the back of the head that I am released and allowed to return to play.

I have always read the verse from 1 John regarding Perfect Love’s victory over fear as my needing to sum up enough love to defeat the villain—as if I could! What would happen if I didn’t try? Reading the verse anew today, I saw something very different. There in the quiet, it was no longer just any teacher coming to my rescue. It was THE Teacher. It was Jesus. Jesus walked across the playground, slowly and deliberately. He is the One who banishes my fear, its shame and immobilization. It’s not about me being able to love “good enough” that makes the fear go away, for that would be depending on my work and ability. And from the writings of the Old Testament to the Letters of the new: It’s not by might or power, but by my Spirit, says the Lord.

This sent me to my favorite Bible search place online and I did a quick search of “Don’t be afraid.” In the NIV there are 24 references; 44 in The Message; and 65 in the NLT. Reading through the list from the NLT I am struck at the wide variety of things that were causing fear in God’s people: barrenness, adversaries, shameful pasts, battles, the unknown, low sense of self-worth before the Almighty God, storms, disease, and death. Each situation was met by God’s emissary with the instruction to not be afraid because God was in control.

I confess, I have allowed fear to keep me from seeing and believing that. I’m as weak and short sighted as Eve. Maybe if I could just look like I know more, seem more confident in my wits and abilities. Nah. If there’s anything I’ve learned in 52 years, 36 of them journeying intentionally with God, I am spiritually a wimp when left to my own devices. Actually, I’m getting better at identifying fears subtle forays into my peace. I don’t wrestle against Fear near as much as I used to. I know to call the Teacher, because I really enjoy seeing fear get a smack upside the noggin.

Sorting Through The Feelings

2009-07-18T05:48:00.000-07:00

Recently a pop star/icon/music legend died. Perhaps you may have heard about it. Over and over I heard people expressing their grief and insisting that he “died too soon.” I think I understand what they were thinking. Twenty years ago my father died. He was only fifty-three. I knew then that was young-ish. Now that I am fifty-two I know just how young that really was.

Yesterday my nephew died from injuries sustained from a fifty foot fall. He was fifteen. That, my friends, is too young. There are some things about this that I am not able to wrap my brain around, but here’s what I have pulled out of this mess.

Most importantly, life is brief. Live it. Don’t wait for something to come along to begin to do what you love. Growing up I heard this from my mom. She would tell us, “Don’t put off till tomorrow what you can do today.” She was usually referring to some unpleasant job, like cleaning our room, that we didn’t want to do. It’s just as good advice for the things we want to do or feel passionate about. Isn’t that how Jake was? At fifteen, he had crammed a lot of living in.

Laugh often. Jake was an imp. I can’t count the many times Julie told me that he made her laugh. There is enough sorrow and pain in this world, but not near enough laughter. It is natural that we will be sad for a time, but we don’t have to trade in our laughter and carry around sorrow for forever. Who would be the first person to try and make us laugh at a time like this? Take his cue.

Love Jesus. Julie shared that Jake was feeling that God was calling him to something. At fifteen he was open to that. He didn’t know what it was but he was going to be ready when it came. There’s a Christian cliché that says, “Your life may be the only Bible some may ever read.” For me, the page that has Jake on it says, “You can love Jesus. You can trust Him, even when you don’t have all the answers.”

Jake’s life ended while he was doing something he enjoyed, with people he liked, in a setting that was beautiful, aware of the God who created and loved him. Some will ask where God was and is in all of this. God’s voice was in the voice of the counselor who told Jake to be careful and stay on the path. Perhaps he wasn’t listening as closely as he should have. Perhaps he was traveling too close to the edge. We can all relate to that. We’ve all strayed off the path and paid consequences we didn’t count on. I guess that’s the next point. Listen. We need to make sure that we’re tuned in and listening. There’s so much that God wants to say to us if we’ll just quit talking long enough and listen.

Learn. Jake was learning about this magical world of photography. I heard that someone felt bad for “teaching” him what he knew. That needs to stop; because if hadn’t been photography, it would have been something else. I remember when Jake was little and into soccer, he had this thing he put around his waist that had a soccer ball attached so he could practice soccer. He always wanted to be better. Learning opens us up to living. So whether we’re fifty or fifteen, or somewhere in between, we need to keep learning—to keep growing, to keep living.

Lean. Sometimes when tragedy hits we have the tendency to pull away and lick our wounds and ask our questions alone. This is not the time for that. It is the time to lean in on each other. When my dad died, he died at home with hospice. Those of us at the house were remembering things about Dad and amid our tears there were funny stories that brought laughter. I noticed that the hospice worker had written in her notes: “Family remembering appropriately.” That night my brother, sister, and I sang together. It was a good time of leaning. As family and friends we have to get better at leaning on one another. I know life can be hectic and full—but let’s not let it crowd out the opportunities to come tighter and draw strength and encouragement from one another.

Yes, he was gone too soon, but he will never really ever be gone, if we learn the lessons from his life. In that way we will keep him alive and let his life make an even greater impact.

Whud-ya say?

2009-07-14T07:16:00.001-07:00

How well do you listen? In Luke 8:18, Jesus gives the instruction to those around him to “consider carefully how you listen.” I don’t know about you, but I typically give about as much attention to how I listen as to how I taste. I don’t. I just do it. But maybe that’s not good enough.

A few years ago I began to wonder if my husband was losing his hearing. I instructed him at his next doctor’s visit to discuss it with his physician. When he came home, he was quick to assure me that his hearing was perfect. His problem was with his listening. The doctor had no suggestions for my husband, but recommended that he instruct me to be sure that I didn’t try to talk to him from another room and know that it was essential that I had his full attention (aka look him in the eyes) if I was to expect to be heard.

I remember during my counseling training the professors seemed to go on and on about teaching us how to listen. I found it very challenging to not “think ahead” of what the person was telling me. I’m a solver and I had to figure out how to turn off that mental function and just listen.

It’s easy for me to identify poor listening in others. I see it in weary parents who somehow have been able to turn off the incessant whining and pleading of their little children. I see it in the employee who just keeps nodding yes to their boss’ instructions. I see it in the spouse who long prior tuned out the story their mate was telling them. I don’t want to see it in myself.

The thing that really concerns me, right now, is to honestly evaluate how I listen…or don’t. And even more importantly, how do I listen to God. I have been told I am a pretty good listener. I like for people to feel heard. I know how important that is. I found a quote that really describes it for me: “Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to it creates us, makes us unfold, and expand.” (Sue Patton Thoele) I want to be a part of that process for people. I mean, think about. How have you felt when you have really, really felt heard? I love to create a space where that can happen.

So, if I’m so good at that with other people, why do I feel like I should get a sub-par score for listening to God? I’m sitting here pondering this thought very early in the morning. As I am, I look out my big front picture window at all the trees in my front yard and there isn’t a leaf moving. I have four very large maples standing perfectly still. I am in awe because I don’t do still—at least not very well, and rarely by choice.

The scene has changed. I’m at work now. A continental breakfast is being provided for the youth who are here for convention. They talk, saying words that no one seems to be listening. They ask questions, but don’t wait for answers. It was all I could do not to snicker at them, until I realized their behavior is not so far from my own. I tip my hat at God, occasionally noticing His presence. I ask Him to act or move, but rarely wait to see what part He may have for me to play. I babble on and on, not realizing how empty my thoughts and words are—just sound filling up space.

I know better. In the very first church I pastored, there was a woman whose life was the embodiment of E.F. Hutton’s slogan: When E.F. Hutton speaks, people listen. When Lois spoke, people listened. Lois had cancer in her sinus cavity and much of those inner workings had been removed. She could speak, but it was labored and sometimes difficult to understand. So when she did say something, it was because she had something to say and people listened. My pastor put it this way in a recent sermon: just because you could say something doesn’t mean you have to.

But it isn’t enough to just not talk. Earlier this morning, when I was staring out the window at the trees, I realized as I stilled myself long enough to focus, that there was movement in the tree and leaves. It was very subtle and slight, but I never would have seen it if I hadn’t taken the time to focus. We tend to think of focus as only visual. We can focus our hearing, too, like my husband whose hearing worked well if was listening. We have to be still and intentional if we want to hear others, and if we want to hear what God wants to say to us.

So, what have you heard lately?

On Complaining...Or Not

2009-07-08T08:35:00.001-07:00

This past trip to visit my mom in Arizona brought something new to my awareness. It’s not completely new, but it sure hit me in a new kind of way. I have very little tolerance with complaining. Let me clarify. I believe that there is room for dissatisfaction and the proper communicating of that. My problem is with people…like the woman at the movie theater.

Mom and I decided that we were going to see the movie, “The Proposal.” Romantic comedies are one of my favorite genres of films (followed closely by Disney animation). I was pretty excited to see the film, partly because I like the star, Sandra Bullock, and partly because it was nice to see a grown up movie. We were standing in a line waiting to buy our tickets when a woman came in with a group and immediately began to complain. The line was too long. She wasn’t going to get a good seat. Couldn’t they afford to get adequate help so she didn’t have to wait? On and on she went. Then when we got into the theater, even though it was a multi-plex, she was seated right behind us. I don’t think she skipped a beat and went right on complaining, loud enough for everyone around her to hear (which was pretty loud, keeping in mind this is a retirement community). The upcoming movie ads were too long. The theater was too cold. The seats were too hard. Sandra Bullock was too thin. The movie was too predictable.

When I had enough, I leaned over to my mom and told her I was about ready to stuff a sock in the woman’s mouth. I wouldn’t have done it, but it was a really tempting thought. After the movie Mom and I were laughing about it. Then she got serious and said that complaining was just a way of life for the people down there. That ended the discussion, but not my thinking about it.

Reflecting on it now, I am still mystified that retired folk in Arizona would be complaining. Sure it’s warm, okay hot, but it’s a dry heat. They were complaining about 30% humidity while the humidity back home in Ohio was over 100%. They live in beautiful homes, surrounded by amazing scenery. They are retired so all they have is time, but they complain about waiting. I just don’t get it.

I decided to make sure that it was complaining that I had the biggest problem with, so I checked the definition out on dictionary.com. The distinction that stuck out most clearly to me was the between expressing dissatisfaction and a constant whining complaining about everything. It wasn’t occasional dissatisfaction that bothered me, but that seemingly total frustration and complaint about everything that really grates on me. One of the descriptions is “to whine like a spoiled child.” And that hit it right on the head for me. Whiners and complainers walk around exuding some kind of sense of entitlement that irritates me to no end. That’s what got to me about the woman at the movie. She seemed to feel she was entitled to immediate attention, and seating, and the perfect movie experience.

As I read all the way through the definitions I found that they listed an antonym at the end. The antonym for complain is rejoice. How perfect is that! Paul admonishes the Philippians to do all things without grumbling or complaining. He moves through a discussion on growing spiritually deep and hits with pretty solid intensity their need to rejoice. And he says it again, probably louder and more forcefully: Rejoice! James echoes the teaching by telling the readers of his letter to “count it ALL joy.”

At one of the darkest and most shame-full periods of my life, I spent sixty days in jail. Not even my typically optimistic and sanguine personality seemed to be much help then. I had to make a conscious effort to be thank-full. I had to look for things to rejoice about. The more I looked, the more I found. The more I found, the better I felt and the more joy that became apparent to others. The shame wasn’t erased, but the heaviness was lifted. I was surrounded by much whining and complaining but all I could feel was an abiding gratitude for the way God was bringing me through. I was in a dark, dark valley, but Goodness and Mercy walked me enabling me to avoid the grumbly pitfalls and come out on the side of joy.

Maybe that’s why I get easily irritated by the complaining and whining of others. I know where I’ve been and how easily it would have been to give up. But honestly, what good does whining and complaining do? I haven’t seen one occasion where it has made the situation better. Whereas, I have seen the insertion of thankfulness and joy into an otherwise abysmal situation make all the difference—for the good—in the world!

So don’t make me get my sock out! Things not going well? Look for what is and plant the seed of thankfulness. Who are your traveling mates on the journey? If they aren’t Goodness and Mercy, then beat feet away from the negativity and soak in the grace that will release you into joy! Who you travel with and how you travel is really up with you. You want some control? Control that!

What Is Real?

2009-05-07T04:34:00.000-07:00

That's the question that the Velveteen Rabbit asks of the Skin Horse in the nursery one day. This week I picked up my copy of "The Velveteen Principles" and tried to wade into it again. Thinking about being real is hard for me.

Growing up I assumed the role of peacemaking-entertaining-starchild. I somehow got the idea it was my job to make everyone happy. It's been an exhuasting life. All the while I really wishing to come out from behind my mask and be real. I got so good at my role that people thought it was the real me--how could they not? I was convinced myself.

It's almost been a year since I lost my job. I loved what I did and thought I was doing it well. It took a while to recover. At my one part-time job elder sitting, I have lots of time to think and read and process...and heal. Having this job may have saved my life. All these years I functioned as an ESFP and people expected that from me. But my well was almost empty. I am not so E (extroverted). The real me is more introverted. And I think, too. I had been so busy that I forgot I did that. Not spending all my time "on" and giving myself time to think rather than always reacting emotionally has fed my writing--and I like that.

Occasionally I get brave enough to do a spiritual check-up. One of the places I go to do this is Romans 12. I read through the chapter and ask myself how I'm doing. It's one of those passages that forces me to lay down my mask, my pretense, my seeking worth externally and look within and above. The challenge of verse nine, to love sincerely and without hypocrisy, has always stopped me cold. No room for masks there.

And real means I don't have to be perfect. I don't know about you, but that is one difficult pill for me to take. I have always compensated for my lack of self worth by trying to be perfect. It's a twisted way of thinking and a painful way of living. This is where I believe wearing the mask came in for me. Who I was wasn't good enough, was defective, so I determined to be what everybody else needed and if I could just do it good enough, I would be good enough. But I never found enough that way. Enough only came when I was willing to be real, willing to be me with all my faults, fears, and failings.

I wouldn't recommend to anyone learning this lesson the way I did, but it is a lesson to learn. Painful though it has been, I have been blessed to find out that I didn't need to perform to be loved. And I didn't need to be perfect either. In my absolutely most un-perfect state people still loved me and they cared for me and they stayed. Realizing this allowed me to lay down my mask and in doing so I found the strength and the courage to begin to be real. I'm still in the process, but then I'm learning: life is process.

This has had amazing impact on my relationships with my husband, children and friends, but the most significant difference has been in my spiritual relationship. This truth, understanding how loved I am as I am, has made me free. It has freed me up to accepting rather than striving, which in turn frees me to love and serve. For years I preached messages to congregations, all the while wanting to believe the message was true for me. I preached what I so desperately wanted to know for me and it was until I stopped preaching and started listening that I finally knew it was true.

The Skin Horse was right. Being real doesn't happen all at once, and sometimes it's painful, but once it happens no one can take it away! I know I'm stil in process, but I'm okay with that. I don't have to be done or perfect or have it all figured out. That's freeing. That's part of being real...for me.

Easter Sunday

2009-04-12T04:10:00.000-07:00

Easter Sunday

Do you have a favorite thing about Easter? A favorite Easter memory? I used to love the Sunrise Services that we would attend. I love the rousing music of Easter. And it was the only time of the year that I got white chocolate. How much more special could it get?

During one of my tours in seminary, I was introduced to a British Theologian, Kirsopp Lake. I did a little more reading about him this morning ( I wanted to be sure I spelled his name right). I’m sure that Professor Lake had abundant research to support his theory, but I completely and totally disagreed with him. He said that the women didn’t find Jesus, because in their grief, they went to the wrong tomb. If that were the case it would negate my favorite part of the story.

The women, including Mary, went to the tomb where they laid him. Their hearts were broken. The other women went on home when they found the tomb empty. Mary stayed behind. She sees a man, and thinking he is the gardener, asks where they had taken Jesus’ body. He says her name. And she sees him. Sees Jesus. The Gaither song says, “I’ve just seen Jesus, and I’ll never be the same again.”

He is risen, just as he said. Our economy, our politicians, our employers, our lives are falling apart because we can’t believe what we’re told and we can hardly believe what we see. Who can we trust? We can trust God. Every word he’s spoken is true. And his promises are yes and amen. Banking on God was such a good idea that we put it on our coinage. Everything and everyone could fail you but he never will.

In 2002, Easter took on a very new and deep significance to me. I came to understand resurrection and freedom in a whole new way. Someday we’ll share that story, but for now, let me say it was a day when I came from a very dark place, and time, into newness of life. I felt Jesus’ presence and tenderness just like Mary did, and I’ll never be the same again.

Many times during Jesus’ earthly ministry we hear him telling people not to say anything about the miracles or teaching. It wasn’t time for that. Easter makes it time. Mary, go tell! Peter, go tell! Cleopas, go tell. It’s time to tell!

He lives! He lives! Christ Jesus lives today!
He walks with me and talks with me along life's narrow way.
He lives! He lives! Salvation to impart!
You ask me how I know He lives? He lives within my heart.

He is risen indeed!

Lent Day 46: Stooping

2009-04-11T02:41:00.001-07:00

“I can’t believe they’d stoop that low.” Have you ever said that about someone or had it said about you? As it is typically used, it is definitely not a compliment. Stooping, like submission, is something to be avoided.

This week as I have contemplated Jesus’ last days, I began to think about Saturday. We know what to do with Thursday, Friday, and Sunday, but what do we do with Saturday? We’re good when we have something to do, but not so good when we just have to wait. We get done with Friday and would like to rush into Sunday. What about Saturday?

As I thought about that, I was reminded of the part in the Apostle’s Creed, where we remember that he, Jesus, descended into Hell. There are a lot of opinions about how that got into the creed, and what it really means. Most scholars seem to feel that the confusion arose because of different words used and that Jesus didn’t go to Hell, but to Hades or the place of the dead. I don’t like to get mired down in controversy. Here’s the thought that occurred to me. Jesus stooped, and he stooped very low.

Jesus, according to Paul in Philippians, gave up everything to come to earth. He stooped low. Imagine how low: the son of God, the third person of the trinity, was born and laid in a borrowed cattle trough surrounded by the smells and dirt of a make-shift barn. Jesus, as an adult, appears to have had no home of his own, and always stayed with friends. He stooped to having to depend on others. When it came time to celebrate the Passover, he had to use someone else’s space. When Jesus died, where did they bury him? In a borrowed tomb.

Who did Jesus choose to associate with during his time of ministry? Powerful people came looking for him, but he opted to dine with sinners, tax collectors, and women of questionable character. It reminds me a bit of the motley crowd David found himself in the company of back in the cave: So David got away and escaped to the Cave of Adullam. When his brothers and others associated with his family heard where he was, they came down and joined him. Not only that, but all who were down on their luck came around—losers and vagrants and misfits of all sorts. David became their leader. There were about four hundred in all. (2 Samuel 22:1-2, The Message)

Then there’s the image of Jesus at that final dinner with his friends. No one had “stooped” to wash the feet of those gathered. Jesus didn’t have a servant he could instruct to complete the task, so he did it himself. Anyone there could have done it. No one did. I wonder if the disciples had an instant attack of the “shoulds” as Jesus knelt before them to wash their feet. He was pretty clear when he was done; he had just set the bar for them. How would they measure up? How do we?

I found a phrase while doing some reading this week: Stooping to greatness. What if we were to take the idea of stooping back? What if the measure of our success in life wasn’t how high we could go, but how low? It’s a bit like staying with Saturday. It would be more fun to rush into the celebration of the resurrection, but don’t leave Saturday too quickly. There’s great work to be done while we wait. Jesus stooped, will you?

Lent Day 45: Friday

2009-04-11T02:39:00.000-07:00

It’s Friday but Sunday’s coming. Does that thought bring you hope? Comfort? I don’t know what your Friday is like, but I’ve had my share and it’s really easy in the midst of pain, suffering and confusion to only focus on Friday. Sunday’s out there, but it seems light years away.

In just about every house that Nelson and I looked at recently, on our hunt for our new home, that was occupied, had a large screen TV. Each time we found one, Nelson asked the same question: does the TV stay? He knew the answer to the question. He just couldn’t help himself. With that fresh in my mind, I had to chuckle when a friend was opening our Sunday School class and he shared a conversation he had with a young man. It seems that the young man was going through some hard times and he was pretty focused on the difficulties of life. My friend likened it to a large plasma screen TV and a 19” black and white. The young man was looking at his situation and seeing the large plasma screen while thinking that God was the 19” screen. My friend told the young man he had things reversed. He needed to see his problems as the 19” and God as the large plasma screen. And so do we.

It’s Friday but Sunday’s coming. There was a woman, a pastor’s wife, who had a huge impact on my faith journey. When life was trying, she would say: “All this and heaven, too!” We understand the “all this” but we’re not so big on heaven. One salty old church member in the last church where I was the pastor said he wasn’t too much interested in heaven, if all it was there was going to be was choir singing. Life may be difficult, but we’ve done pretty well at making things pretty cushy here. We know how to alleviate much pain and suffering. And if we can’t completely dispose of it, we know how to dull it. Heaven just doesn’t move us. So, we don’t look much for Sunday.

It’s Friday but Sunday’s coming. Someone at work was grousing about how frustrating it was that stores and businesses she needed to contact wouldn’t be open on Good Friday. After all, she said, “It’s not a real holiday.” She’s right. It’s not a holiday, but it isn’t much of a holy day either. Before you race into Sunday, what will you do today to remember the extreme suffering of you Lord? Will you hear the pounding of the nails? Will you think of the spilling of his blood? Will you remember his agony? Will you marvel at his forgiveness? Will you weep with his mother?

It’s Friday.

Lent Day 44: Restoration

2009-04-09T03:32:00.001-07:00

Peter and Judas betrayed Jesus that last night. Isn’t it odd that we chose to find more in common with Peter than with Judas? When we speak Judas’ name there is such disgust and judgment. It’s as if there is nothing about him that was admirable or that we can identify with. Personally, I don’t find that to be the case. I can find similarities in my behavior and choices that resemble all too clearly the life of Judas. Thankfully, however, there is one huge difference. One that makes me more like Peter.

It’s pretty clear that while Jesus was on earth he had a power ministry, but people didn’t really get the big picture. They were focused on the bread and healings. They saw the huge catches of fish and saw Jesus winning verbal battles with the Pharisees. They were sure he was the Messiah, but the Messiah of their understanding. They were expecting him to rout the Romans and return them to their rightful royal place. Their suffering and patient waiting was finally going to be vindicated—just the way they thought it should be!

I think Judas wanted to speed up the plan. Judas got confused. Judas was focused on the money. After all that was why Jesus picked him, or so he thought. He had to look out for Jesus. I imagine that the Pharisees were pretty slick in their setup of Judas. Otherwise he wouldn’t have been so contrite after the fact and tried to return the money. Judas was like the rest of the folks: he just didn’t really get it.

I can relate to that. It’s not unlike Moses, or Abraham, or David. They saw what needed to be done and figured out a way to speed up God’s plan. It’s typically a choice that has disastrous consequences. Too often I have tried to rush God. I get impatient. I assume that He wants me to act when He would really prefer I trust. My impatience and impertinence become the seedbeds of temptation to rely upon my own wisdom and ways. And it’s never a pretty thing.

I am grateful that this is where grace comes in. I have been recipient of God’s faithful forgiveness so many times. I have been broken. My contrite cries for mercy have risen to my Father more times than I care to count. And that is where my similarity with Judas ends.

Peter and Judas both betrayed Jesus, but only Judas went out and hung himself. Why didn’t Peter? He had been so vocal about his devotion. His was a great fall, with great shame. Why didn’t Peter’s story end that night like Judas’? The big difference I see is that Judas separated himself. Peter went back to the fellowship. Separating ourselves leads to spiritual death. Peter, by not staying away, put himself where he could receive restoration and re-commissioning.

Peter and Judas both betrayed Jesus. I’m thankful at least one of them was restored! Do you know his restoration?

Lent Day 43: Denial

2009-04-08T03:31:00.001-07:00

I’m reading a book by Michael Card on Peter called, “Fragile Stone.” As he is introducing Peter he states that next to Jesus it is Peter whose character is most developed and presented. Perhaps that’s why so many are able to identify with Peter: there’s just so much of his story that we can relate to some part of it. For example, who of us can’t relate to Peter’s desire to stay on the mountain, or loss of focus when the waves rose around his feet, or boast of allegiance only to find himself in the pit of betrayal? Peter spoke before he thought and acted just as rashly. Just ask the earless soldier in the garden.

It’s a funny thing, betrayal. Most of us don’t get up in the morning and decide that it’s a good day to turn our backs on God. I believe Peter was absolutely sincere in his declaration that he would follow Jesus even to death. He honestly felt he had left everything to follow Jesus. Peter didn’t feel like the voice of Satan when he tried to dissuade Jesus from his unreasonable thoughts of death.

Most people feel that Peter’s denials were verbal in nature. The more I read the story, the more I see that his denial went far beyond mere words. Mark’s gospel is Peter’s story and I believe it gives a pretty clear picture of the expanse of Peter’s denial.

First, see Peter going to the Garden of Gethsemane. More than once, Peter has been pulled aside with James and John for some special moment. Here, Jesus needs the support of his closest friends. Now, whether the day had been long or there had been too much wine at dinner, these friends who should have been supporting Jesus kept falling asleep. It was a denial of how much Jesus needed them. It was a denial and a lack of attention. Jesus warns them that if they don’t pay attention, they would become easy prey for the enemy’s temptations. It was a denial of Jesus and a giving into self. This denial is in Peter’s attitude towards the moment.

Then after Jesus is led away by the soldiers, Peter denies Jesus by his behavior. Mark tells us that Peter followed far behind. Peter separated himself from Jesus. He watched from afar. He didn’t want to be caught. He didn’t want to be noticed. Where was the bold Peter who claimed he would follow Jesus all the way? When the going got tough, Peter took cover.

Then, just before the cock crowed, Peter denied Jesus once again. This time he denied him with his words. He didn’t hide well enough and was spied. When the people in the crowd pressed him, he used strong language to deny that he even knew Jesus. Peter may have been a fisherman, but he had a “sailor’s mouth” and he knew how to use that language. And when he did, the people stopped pestering him about it. Surely, someone who walked with the Master wouldn’t talk like that.

Attitude. Behavior. Speech. And when the cock crowed Peter’s eyes found Jesus gaze. Do you know that moment? Have you felt the absolute shame that comes from knowing you have denied Jesus? Peter was broken and he ran away from the gaze. Thankfully he didn’t stay away. But we’ll talk about that tomorrow. For now, I invite you to look into your heart and ask God to show you your own denial. And once found, find also his forgiveness.

Lent Day 42: Supping

2009-04-07T04:44:00.000-07:00

I love food. I love eating out and I love eating at home when my husband cooks. I love trying new things and I love my favorite comfort foods. I have never met a donut I didn’t love. Is there a better caloric solace for any disappointment than a Double Stuff Oreo? Hearing that Krispy Kream may be going bankrupt made me want to go buy three boxes. Food. I celebrate with it, commiserate with it, and console with it. I savor it. I stuff it. I love food.

I love sharing a meal with friends, whether it’s a quiet meal with my husband or a friend, or a carry-in dinner at church, and everything in between. This is not something I grew up with at home. Mealtimes were not pleasant social experiences. We came to the table when we were called, ate what was placed before us (as quickly as possible), excused ourselves and moved on. My father’s favorite and oft said table comment was, “Sit up, shut, and eat.”

Going to college changed all that for me. I understood immediately the phenomenon of the Freshman 15 (average pounds gained by Freshman) and was more than willing to become a statistic. College was also where I learned to drink coffee. At my college the food was good, but that didn’t really matter. We ate and ate, and drank lots of coffee, and hung out in the cafeteria until they kicked us out.

This change in perspective and paradigm paved the way for me to better understand Jesus’ words in Revelation 3:20: “Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends.” When I lived at home there was not much about this invitation that was “inviting.” College introduced me to the relaxed fellowship that is more akin to what Jesus was offering. Sharing a meal involves necessary caloric and nutrient intake for our physical being, but also the fellowship that our spirits need.

As I reflected on this, I realized that the seeds for this transition were planted while I was in High School. One of my most favorite things we did was pile into cars and drive across town to Farrell’s Ice Cream Parlor. I’m not sure our contribution kept them in business, but we did what we could. It was there where I learned how much fun could be had sharing a meal as we downed our Pig Trough’s, Zoos, and Gibson Girls. All the while, we were shouting over the banging drum and celebrations all around us. Here, no one said or thought, “sit up, shut up, and eat.”

My college experience expanded this fellowship theme in so many ways. While I was there I traveled through the educational zone singing and preaching at churches on weekends. Through this I was introduced to the wonders of church carry-in dinners. Nothing says we love you like a feast prepared by church ladies! I was also blessed by the way people opened their homes to us, perfect strangers. It was so foreign to me, but the welcome was so genuine that I couldn’t help but take to it like a kitten to fresh milk.

Sharing a meal together. Researchers have been telling us that there are strong benefits to families and children who sit down and eat meals together. So, is it any wonder that God used meals to teach about himself? The Passover meal helped countless followers to understand God’s great mercy, love, and provision. Jesus gathered his disciples together at the end of his life and shared a meal. And in that meal gave us the means to remember his life and death and gift to us.

Many have used the Rev. 3:20’s invitation as a gateway to salvation, the beginning of the journey. And while that may be appropriate, I believe that the invitation is also about the continuation and deepening of our relationship. Just as we sat and ate and drank and hung around the table in college, Jesus invites us to deeper fellowship and relationship with him. Will you answer the door?

Lent Day 41: Blessing

2009-04-06T03:24:00.001-07:00

The church my family attends is a Brethren Church. Last night we celebrated three-fold communion with them. This experience includes a light meal, footwashing, and the sharing of the cup and bread. The first time I experienced communion this way was during my first time at seminary in the early 80’s. I was deeply moved. During a service in a Nazarene church I pastored in Kansas City, as a gesture aimed at healing and setting the tone for my leadership, I washed the feet of my board members. In my last pastoral position in a Mennonite Church we participated in footwashing on Maundy Thursday.

I will confess, in the past, when I have gone into the room with the women to wash feet, I have looked for someone I knew. It made the experience seem less awkward and uncomfortable. Last night I ended up in a circle of women I didn’t really know. As the deaconess washed the feet of the women to my left, I listened to their conversation. I learned her name and which services she attended. As she then washed my feet, I learned of her love for missions. I then found out she and my husband had been on the same mission trip a couple years back to Chicago. We shared a word of blessing and then I turned to the woman on my right and confessed I couldn’t remember her name. It turned out that her husband had helped us move into our home. We connected and shared a word of blessing. It was a very special time. I don’t think I’ll ever look for people I know again.

I sat at a table with people I knew, but hadn’t been at communion with all of them before. The conversation was good through the meal. Many words of encouragement and support were spoken. After we ate there was a time of worship and praise singing. When we shared the cup and bread, the person to the left would speak a word of blessing on the person to their right. It was very sweet to receive a blessing from my sister to my left. I thought of how she had blessed me several times and she probably didn’t even know it. I felt prompted to write her a note this week. Then I turned and had the blessing of blessing a very dear man. He had been a professor, was advisor on my thesis, and is just one of my favorite people on earth. He nearly blew me away as we parted when he told me how much he appreciated my words of blessing.

What were the last words of blessing you shared with someone? As I thought about this I thought about my friend Pam. I sang at her ordination service last July. At the service she spoke a word of blessing on every person there—individually. It was a powerful and emotional time. In the natural order of things we should have been blessing her. It was her service. But she turned the tables and blessed each of us.

I really love when a worship service ends with a true benediction. I open my hands to receive it. I want to be sent out sensing blessing and commissioning of my life and service for the week ahead. Blessings are important for our children and grandchildren, our friends and our co-workers. Do our lives bless others? How about our words?

Think about all the negatives that people hear in a day. Spirits are so often bruised, if not completely crushed. Just as Abraham was blessed to be a blessing (Genesis 12:2), so are we and so are we to be. So for my reading sisters and brothers, I pray that God will pour into this week a greater sense of wonder, a deeper awareness of the love outpoured, and more grace than you have ever known. As you move through this Holy Week, know that he goes before you and walks right beside you.

Be blessed.

Lent Day 40: Praise

2009-04-05T13:59:00.000-07:00

When I was in college I was able to visit Europe and experience the beauty of so many places. None was quite as breath-taking as seeing the Alps in Bavaria. Standing at the South Rim of the Grand Canyon, once I caught my breath, I remembered the beauty of the Alps and I thought of a verse in Luke 19: "if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out." The magnificence of the Grand Canyon made me wonder who wasn’t doing their job?

I thought about this again this week as I witnessed the emergence of the spring flowers and the greening of the grass. Am I going to allow the earth to sing praise to the Creator alone, or will I join the chorus?

Today is Palm Sunday. The observance of this day confused me as a child. It reminded me of a scary movie. Do you remember how the “stars” would inevitably go into the dark basement where the monster was waiting to spring out and attack them? You would be sitting in your chair yelling at the TV trying to warn them of their doom, “Don’t go in the basement!” But they always did. As a child, I wanted to yell at the silent Savior, “Don’t go into Jerusalem. They’re going to kill you!” But he always went.

Today, I’m thankful that Jesus knew the Father’s plan and even though he will wrestle with it in the Garden, he goes anyway. Today, as I read the story, I was struck by two things: the fickleness of the crowd and my responsibility to praise—even when I don’t fully get it.

The people were enamored with Jesus because he fed them and healed them. The colt he road into Jerusalem on wasn’t quite the white steed of the conquering hero, but somehow they sensed his importance and they lauded him as he went by. This guy was really going to make a difference. They just didn’t realize how much. Unfortunately, under pressure later in the week, many of the cheers were changed to curses. The fickle crowd switched teams. Their cheers seemed to follow whoever was winning.

I don’t want to be fickle. I don’t want to praise just when I’m overwhelmed by his amazing love like I was overwhelmed by the Canyon. I want to praise him in everything. That’s what Paul suggested and Peterson makes it so clear in The Message: 4-5Celebrate God all day, every day. I mean, revel in him! Make it as clear as you can to all you meet that you're on their side, working with them and not against them. Help them see that the Master is about to arrive. He could show up any minute! (Philippians 4:4-5)

That also means I will praise him even when I don’t get it. The devastating reversals of loss, either of health, wealth, or well-being, will not deter my praise. Just because I don’t understand, doesn’t mean God isn’t in control. The rocks are not going to do my job. How about you?